Brian Towriss, the winningest coach in Canadian university football history, is quitting after 33 years at the helm of the University of Saskatchewan Huskies.
Towriss won a national-record 196 football games between 1984 and 2016, along the way claiming three Vanier Cup titles, He is a nine-time Canada West coach of the year, and was named national coach of the year in 1994.
The announcement was made at an icy, awkward press conference yesterday in Saskatoon.
“I want to thank all of those that have supported me throughout my career at the University of Saskatchewan and all of the fans in Huskie Nation,” said Towriss in a prepared statement.
I have had a fulfilling and wonderful career here. It wouldn’t have been possible without the support of my wife, Vicki, and my two wonderful children, Kellie and Jake. I have also had the pleasure of working with a loyal group of coaches and support staff that have shared my vision and passion for the program for a longtime. I am proud to say that we won a lot of football games and we did it with honesty, respect and hard work. I wish the program continued success and a return to national prominence.”
My sources tell me that BT was recruiting as recently as Saturday and he had been telling people he planned to be back. Lets cut to the crap here, Towriss was pushed out. Why would he still be recruiting? And if he planned to leave then why not give a man who led this program for over three decades a proper farewell? It really is too bad that accomplished coaches like Towriss, Frank McCrystal and Bernie Schmidt get punted in such a matter of fact way.
U of S officials say the search for a successor will begin immediately. An interim coach is expected to be named in January.
There are a few holes in Santa Claus’ story. Mostly: How does he get to so many homes in one night . . . and when he gets to one, how does he squeeze his festively plump body down the chimney?
Well . . . a physicist at the University of Exeter in England just figured out a PERFECT explanation for all of it that’s scientifically sound.
Dr. Katy Sheen calculated that Santa has to travel at about 6.2 million miles-an-hour to get to every child.
And according to EINSTEIN’S theory of relativity, objects that travel at a high speed become compressed in size.
So THAT’S how Santa fits . . . he’s traveling so fast that he and his sack of presents temporarily shrink down, so they can easily fit into a chimney.
That theory also explains why no one ever sees him. At the speeds he’s traveling, light waves get squashed, and they become invisible to the human eye.
Here at Harvard Broadcasting we get some beer and a gift card to the Co-op which is much appreciated. How about you fine folks?
THE TOP REASONS YOU AREN’T GETTING
A CHRISTMAS BONUS
You are the head coach of the Cleveland Browns.
Your boss is Hillary Clinton.
It was your idea to plan an entire, multi-year ad campaign around new company spokesman Prince.
They found out it was you who pulled the fire alarm because you wanted to go out to the parking lot to catch Pokémon.
You love Michael Bolton music, and you love it LOUD.
You always tell your boss that there’s no “I” in team. And he says there is one in “fired.”
Are you buying presents for any coworkers this year? 22% of us are, according to a new survey. And 21% are planning to buy something for their boss.
Most people who ARE buying something said they’re spending less than $25 . . . 33% will spend less than $10 . . . and 11% plan to spend $5 or less. And here are the ten WORST Christmas presents people said they’ve gotten from a coworker . . .
1. A jar of gravy.
2. A coconut bra.
3. A fake lottery ticket. The kind that makes you THINK you won a bunch of money.
4. Two left-handed gloves. We’re assuming that one was a gag gift, or they weren’t paying attention when they bought them.
5. A stuffed duck. Not a stuffed animal, a REAL stuffed duck.
6. Toilet paper that looked like money.
7. A bottle of dish soap.
8. A pen holder that looked like a dead body.
9. A whip.
10. Post-it Notes . . . which they probably stole from the office.