The Answer: Meth, welfare, and the Cleveland Browns.
The Question: Name three things nobody wants to wind up on.
The Answer: Jay Z and Tom Brady.
The Question: Name two guys who just got spanked.
The Answer: Michael Strahan and Botox.
The Question: Name one thing Kelly Ripa hates AND one thing she loves.
The Answer: AC/DC and my fond memories of Guns N’ Roses.
The Question: Name two things Axl Rose is going to ruin.
The Answer: Jager and mug.
The Question: Name a shot Johnny Manziel probably took last night AND one he’ll probably take today.
APRIL 13th – BACK IN THE DAY
37 years ago . . . In 1979, DAVID LEE ROTH COLLAPSED FROM EXHAUSTION . . . possibly from losing so much semen and hair? . . . during a VAN HALEN show in Spokane, Washington.
32 years ago . . . In 1984, PETE ROSE smacked his 4,000th hit. The only player with more was TY COBB, who had 4,191. Rose eventually beat that mark, finishing his career with 4,256.
(Pete Rose is STILL not in the Baseball Hall of Fame. But he IS in the WWE Hall of Fame. So SUCK IT, SELIG!)
19 years ago . . . In 1997, TIGER WOODS became the youngest golfer to win the MASTERS . . . at the age of 21 . . . and became the first player of at least partly African heritage to claim a major golf title. (Tiger won his fourth Masters in 2005, while at the same time being the MASTER of a stable of skeezy white women, no doubt.)
12 years ago . . . In 2004, BARRY BONDS hit his 661st homer . . . passing WILLIE MAYS to take third place on the lifetime list. (Bonds is now the all-time leader with 762 homers. But how many of those were JUICE BALLS?)
A Brewers Fan Licked Puke for $100 . . . and a Yankees Fan Licked His Hat After It Was Down a Guy’s Pants
I’m not sure what’s going on with baseball fans right now, but this is SO gross. A woman puked on one of the bleachers at a Milwaukee Brewers game the other day. And another fan made a hundred bucks on a dare . . . by LICKING IT.
There’s also a video of a Yankees fan at a game in Detroit on Saturday, who must have lost a bet. Because he let a Tigers fan take his hat . . . stick it down his pants . . . and WIPE himself with it. Then the guy took the hat back and licked THAT.
(Search for “Puke-Eating and Butt-Hat Licking.”)
The first person to refer to the f-word as an “f-bomb” was a catcher on the New York Mets named Gary Carter. There’s a quote from him in “Newsday” in 1988 where he says an umpire threw him out of a game for using the f-bomb.
A guy in Knoxville, Tennessee ran the most casual marathon ever last Sunday. It took him just over six hours to finish, because he stopped at least three times to eat a burrito . . . drink a mimosa . . . and chug a beer.
A high school baseball coach in Florida told his team that he’d let them name his BABY if they had a winning record this season. And they ended up naming his new son “Benny Smalls” after two of the characters from the movie, “The Sandlot”.
New York City’s murder rate is at a historic low. If you want to see anyone slaughtered in Manhattan, you have to go to a Knicks game.
152 years ago . . . In 1864, the FIRST CAMEL RACE IN AMERICA was held in Sacramento, California, beginning a proud camel-racing tradition that continues to this day.