Monthly Archives: October 2014

How do you feel Rider Nation?

kerry joseph

 

I must admit Kerry Joseph did much better than I anticipated! His numbers weren’t great (17-36 for 213 yds with 2 t-ds and 2 INTS) but he did have command of the offence.  Joseph added some much needed confidence to this football team moving forward. However, the Riders WILL NOT win again if they don’t tackle better and improve the NOT SO SPECIAL TEAMS!  I still have hope for this year’s club going forward and the stats back me up:

 

Last year, Saskatchewan overcame a two-game losing skid and an overall 3-6 run in the second half of the year to win the 2013 Grey Cup. In 2012 the Riders were 0-4 to close the season and almost pulled out a West Semi Final in Calgary. In 2010, the Green and White finished the regular season 1-4 but went on to play in their 2nd straight Grey Cup. So Rider Nation all is not lost!  One last note about the Riders, that is first time in my life I’ve witnessed a crowd give a standing ovation for an incomplete long bomb!

This just in:

The Edmonton Eskimos are the best team in the CFL right now, they are big and fast.

NFL refs are wearing headsets to communicate and I think it’s time the CFL look at doing the same thing…

BALLSY’S SPORTS SHORTS…

knicks

New York Knicks star AMAR’E STOUDEMIRE posted a photo of him taking a bath . . . IN RED WINE.  And no, it isn’t just because he’s rich and he can . . . although it’s partly because he’s rich and he can.

 

 

Amar’e says, quote, “The red wine bath is very important for me because it creates more circulation of my red blood cells.  Plus, it’s very hot, so it’s like a hot tub . . . the red wine . . . just kind of soothes the body.”

 

 

He says it’s red wine with a little water in an “ancient tub,” whatever that is.  After his rinse, he gets a 90-minute massage.  He’s been doing it for six months or so.

 

 

When asked if it was high quality wine, Amar’e said, quote, “I hope so.  I don’t know. I haven’t tasted it.”

 

 

Apparently, this IS a thing . . . although we’ve never heard about it.  There are amusing photos of people doing it online, and there are spas charging $65 for a 20-minute wine bath.  In addition to helping your circulation, it supposedly reverses the signs of aging . . . if you actually believe that.

 

 

(Here’s the photo of Amar’e in his red wine bath . . . and here’s Amar’e mocking ESPN for reporting on his bathing practices on “SportsCenter”.  And here’s video of that report.)

 

 

 

Dallas Cowboys running back Joseph Randle will be fined, but not suspended for shoplifting.  This guy is on the wrong team . . . he should be playing for the STEALERS!

 

 WEAR YOUR DAMN GLASSES….

According to a new survey, one in eight people who are legally required to wear glasses while driving DON’T always do it.  And 43% said the main reason is they’re SELF-CONSCIOUS.  They just don’t want to be seen in them, even by other drivers.  The survey also found that 80% of people with glasses take them off to have sex . . . 37% remove them for photos . . . and 33% won’t wear them on a date.

eyes

 I wear my glasses during sex because I wouldn’t be able to see the computer screen…hahaha

 

WHO PAYS FOR THE DATE?

A surprising number of people still believe men should cover dating expenses.

Most people agree that men and women should be equal in the workplace. But when it comes to dating, it’s a different story. The majority of people think the MAN should pay.

dating

 

Here are four stats from a recent study on the subject . . .

1. Most men and over half of women report that men are paying for all the dates . . . even after the couple’s been together for a while.

2. 57% of women claim they offer to help pay, but most women secretly hope that men REJECT those offers. And 44% of women are annoyed if men act like they EXPECT a contribution.

3. Two-thirds of men believe that women should help pay, and they’re frustrated with women if they don’t offer. Nearly half of men say this is a deal-breaker.

4. However, 76% of men feel GUILTY when they accept money from women.

 

TODAY’S QUOTE: BLOOD, SWEAT & RESPECT. First two you GIVE. Last one you EARN. -Dwayne ” THE ROCK”  Johnson

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Child Birth Doesn’t Hurt That Bad..Ladies Is This True?

PREGO

 

 

Oooooh baby, do NOT bring this up to your wife unless you’re itching for 17 days of screaming followed by a bitter divorce.

 

A new study out of Open University in Israel found that childbirth ISN’T as painful as women say it is. Yes, it’s extremely painful at certain moments . . . no one’s arguing that.  But the researchers say women tend to forget the times during labour when it’s NOT quite as painful and just remember the extreme pain peaks.

So . . . when women think back on giving birth, they focus on the most painful parts and, over time, they feel like the entire birth process was at that peak level.

 

In the study, women rated the birth process less painful two days after their delivery than they did when the researchers asked them again two months later.

 

COWBOYS

THE COWBOYS ARE NO LONGER AMERICA’S TEAM…

 

 

 

For the past decade, the Dallas Cowboys have always been voted America’s most popular or second-most popular NFL team in an annual Harris poll . . . and they’ve basically been mediocre that entire time.

 

Now the Cowboys are contenders for the first time since Bill Clinton was president . . . so this makes no sense.  The Cowboys are only the FOURTH most popular NFL team in this year’s survey.

 

The Denver Broncos are now the most popular team in the U.S. . . . even though they lost the last Super Bowl.  The New York Giants are second, the Green Bay Packers are third, the Cowboys are fourth, and the Pittsburgh Steelers are fifth.

DENVER BRONCOS

The survey was taken right before the season started, which is why people may’ve jumped off the Cowboys bandwagon without realizing they’d be good.

The Jacksonville Jaguars are the least popular team for the fifth year in a row and the eighth time in the last nine years.

The five least popular teams are the Jaguars . . . the Tennessee Titans . . . Tampa Bay Buccaneers . . . St. Louis Rams . . . and Carolina Panthers…You can see the rankings for all 32 teams here.)

SOLD HOME

IF YOU’RE TRYING TO SELL A HOME TRY THIS….

You might say there’s NO amount of money that could get you to give away your family’s cat . . . and you would be wrong.  For THIS amount of money, you’d HAPPILY give away your cat, and get a new cat . . . a BETTER cat.

 

 

Michael and Fran Perceval of Glen Iris, Australia were trying to sell their five-bedroom house.   And when a family was looking at it, they saw the Percevals’ cat, Tiffany . . . and their daughters fell in love with her.

 

 

The Percevals wanted $1.8 million for their house, and the family offered to pay $1.92 million under one condition . . . the Percevals included THE CAT with the house.

 

 

The Percevals decided that yes, they would gladly part with their cat for $122,000 . . . and made the deal.

 

 

Michael and Fran say they’re fine with it, but their 19-year-old son Sam isn’t particularly happy.  He bought her at a pet shop when she was a kitten four years ago.  They’re going to give him a $17,500 cut to ease his pain.

 

The Percevals are planning to adopt a new cat once they move.

Here is today’s quote to consider: Life isn’t about finding yourself, it’s about creating yourself

STAY FROSTY! BALLSY

 

I’m Still Here!

WOLF

 

Yes Wolf Pack my 18 year career on The Wolf continues! In the I Quit match my partner Prime and I pulled out the victory Friday Night over Wavell Starr, Dalby and Bossman Grant. It was great night and it was nice to get the support from the crowd. Good luck to Grant in his future endeavours! If you didn’t see the match scroll over to my tweets and you’ll find it under Drew Dalby.

 

cortez

Well a lot of callers to the Roughrider Roundtable wanted George Cortez fired after another pitiful offensive performance  yesterday. Personally I don’t think Cortez got stupid over night but I do think he needs to open up the playbook a bit. In this league you won’t win only throwing 29 percent of the time! Tino Sunseri has been on the team for 2 seasons and if you can’t trust him to throw a 10 yard pass, why is he still on the team? Sunseri was 7-12 for 72 yards with 1 T-D and 1 INT, that’s hardly a big enough sample size in my opinion. Many in Rider Nation are calling for Kerry Joseph but I say it’s too early to pull the chute on Sunseri.

RIDER TRIVIA….When is the last time the Riders have won a day game in Montreal?  Answer: 2002

 

 

THE TOP NFL REFEREE FEARS 

A ref in the Bears/Falcons game Sunday was hit in the groin by an errant Jay Cutler pass.  So we can add that to the list of The Top NFL Referee Fears.

 

The missus checking their travel itinerary and discovering there’s no such thing as “Tuesday Night Football”.

 

 

That someday the job will require an eye test.

 

Doing an Oakland Raiders home game . . . and forgetting to bring a Kevlar vest.

 

Missing a call after getting lost in Tom Brady’s eyes.

 

Being TOTALLY burned by a hilarious quipster urging them to “go back to Foot Locker.”

 

BALLSY’S SPORTS SHORTS….

 

EAGLES FANS

I don’t know that we need MORE proof that Philadelphia Eagles fans are one of the craziest groups of fans of any sport in the world, but they keep on giving us new evidence anyway.

 

 

Sonny Forriest Junior is a Vietnam veteran in Philadelphia who performs music in the parking lot outside of Eagles and Phillies games for tips.  He’s in a wheelchair and has a prosthetic leg.

 

 

He was singing outside the Eagles game on Sunday night when a woman in her 20s walked up and sat on his lap.  But he didn’t realize she was sitting there to STEAL his prosthetic leg until she got up . . . and ran away with it.

 

 

Sonny called the cops . . . and they DID find the leg, abandoned on a subway train at around 1:00 A.M.

 

 

GONE VIRAL

 

 

1.  Is This the Scariest Halloween Decoration Ever?

 

 

When you have 30 seconds, google the phrase, “Terrifying Screaming Chair” . . . because it might be the scariest Halloween decoration EVER.  Apparently someone made it to scare trick-or-treaters, and it looks like an old woman sitting in a chair.

 

 

But then her head lifts up, she looks all crazy, starts SCREAMING . . . and a mechanical arm connected to her back makes it look like she FLIES straight at you.  (Search for “Terrifying Screaming Chair for Halloween.”)

 

 

 

2.  The Owner of a Burger Joint Told a Female Reporter, “I Would Love to See My Meat in Your Mouth”

 

 

On Friday, a reporter named Courtenay DeHoff was at a burger joint in Kansas City that’s running a promotion while the Royals are in the playoffs.

 

 

And the segment ended up getting kind of R-RATED when she asked if she could try a burger . . . and the owner told her that he would, quote, “LOVE to see [his] meat in [her] mouth.”

 

 

Then just in case it wasn’t clear what the joke was, she looked into the camera . . . and said it wasn’t the first time she’s heard a guy say that to her.

 

 

(Search for “I Would Love to See My Meat in Your Mouth.”)

 

A Woman Flexes Her Pecs, and Makes Her Boobs Bounce to Mozart

 

 

Last month, a video made the rounds where a woman in an Oktoberfest outfit flexed her pec muscles to make her CHEST bounce around to the beat of a song.

 

 

And now apparently it’s become a THING online, because there’s a new video where a model named Sara X does the same thing, but she’s BETTER at it . . . and she does it to Mozart.  (Search for “Sara X Wiggles Boobs to Mozart.”  She starts at :40.)

 

 

WHAT IF YOU WERE FILTHY RICH?

MONEY BAG

 

 

 

When I book a hotel, the only perks I’m hoping for are complementary wireless Internet and a free Danish in the morning . . . and I’m usually too poor to even book a place that can meet THOSE meager demands.

 

 

On the other end of things . . . here’s a new list of five of the most ridiculous hotel perks that rich people can get at high-end hotels . . .

 

 

1.  Arriving at the hotel by paraglider.  At the Six Senses Hideaway in Oman, your room comes with a guide who will paraglide you from the top of a mountain to the front door to check in.  It costs about $1,800 a night.

 

 

2.  Pet psychic.  The Hotel Monaco in Portland has a psychic on hand to tell you what your pet is thinking and how to improve your relationship.  That perk comes with a room that’s around $500-a-night . . . so pretty reasonable.

 

 

3.  Manta ray hotline.  At the Four Seasons in the Maldives, a special phone in your room rings if manta rays have been spotted in the ocean . . . so you can rush to a private speedboat to see them.  The room costs $2,900-a-night.

 

 

4.  Unlimited Lamborghini access.  There’s a $19,000-a-night suite at the Four Seasons in Beverly Hills that gives you unlimited access to their insane fleet of cars.

 

 

5.  A romantic kidnapping.  The Namale Resort and Spa in Fiji offers a “kidnapping” service where they take you to a secret waterfall for a romantic picnic.  Those rooms cost $19,000 for a week’s stay.

 

Quote of the day:

 

Show class, have pride, and display character. If you do, winning takes care of itself. -Paul Bryant

 

STAY FROSTY! BALLSY

 

 

 

 

It’s Either Me or Him Tonight!

Well tonight at the Chad and Ballsy party brought to you by the Capital Auto Mall it’s the I QUIT MATCH between Bossman Grant and Me! The winner stays and the loser is  gone from the Wolf forever. I’ll be talking to you guys on Tuesday! With that in mind:

                                 THE TOP SIGNS YOU’RE

                                     ABOUT TO GET FIRED

 

The most popular topic at the water cooler is how you’re about to be fired.

When you offer suggestions at staff meetings, the boss just says, “That’s adorable.”

You just hit “reply all” with your joke about the boss’s mustache.  And she’s sensitive about that.

 

You tell your boss you’ll stop coming in late.  Just as soon as he stops being such a colossal tool.

 

Your boss walked in on you banging his secretary . . . even though the company calendar clearly says Friday is his turn.

 

Your boss stresses that there is no “I” in “team,” but that there is one in “fired.”

 

YOUR NAME IS GRANT, YOU’RE CLUELESS, YOUR’RE LATE FOR EVERYTHING, AND BALLSY HAS HAD ENOUGH OF YOU..

 

THE CHAMP IS BACK IN TOWN!

 

KERRY JOSEPH

The Riders have officially announced the signing of 41 year old QB Kerry Joseph.  As you know Kerry is one of 4 pivots to lead the Riders to a championship. The 2007 MOP, has been working as a personal trainer in the U-S and just recently wrapped up a coaching stint with the NFL’s New Orleans Saints. I like the signing. It doesn’t cost the team any assets and it sends a message to the team. The message is: “fellas we aren’t going to let this season go up in smoke without exhausting every option.” Joseph brings poise, leadership and a championship resume to the team’s most important position. And even though his birth certificate says 41, Joseph hasn’t been used a lot since 2008/09.. I really believe the Riders have an eye to the future too! Considering Darian Durant’s best seasons have come when he’s had a q-b coach, I can see Joseph sticking with the team in that capacity. Welcome home CHAMP! Now get out there and win us a Grey Cup! NO PRESSURE…HAHA

BALLSY’S SPORTS SHORTS…..

 

KATY PERRY has been chosen to do the halftime show for Super Bowl 49 in February.  Last week on ESPN’s “College Game Day”, she admitted there were negotiations, but she said, quote, “I have let them know that I’m not the kind of girl who would pay to play the Super Bowl.”

KATY PERRY

ADRIAN PETERSON admitted before a drug test that he’d smoked a little weed.  Now Texas prosecutors handling his child abuse case want to revoke his bond and put him in jail

 

A 39-year-old guy from Cleveland, Ohio has been in prison for 20 years for felony assault.  And now he’s asking for parole . . . because, quote, “I would truly like to witness in person LeBron James’s pursuit of an NBA championship for my beloved hometown.”  His parole hearing is scheduled for later this month.

 

 

John Rocker threatened to beat up a woman on this week’s “Survivor”.  CBS immediately dropped him from “Survivor” and added him to “Thursday Night Football”.

JOHN ROCKER

 

HOLLYWOLF REPORT….

 

The “National Enquirer” interviewed an HIV-positive transsexual who claims to have given O.J. SIMPSON oral sex when they were prison mates.  He / she says, quote, “I walked up on him and said, ‘You can stop me if you want to.’  I knew he wasn’t going to stop me . . . Then it was too late.”

 

 

Do GEORGE CLOONEY and AMAL ALAMUDDIN might have their own ISLAND.  They reportedly bought a 9,000 square-foot mansion on the Thames River.  The mansion itself sits on its own four-acre island

 

16-year-old JADEN SMITH has released a new track, where he’s rapping over PINK FLOYD’S “Breathe”.  Meanwhile, DAVID GILMOUR says Pink Floyd is pretty much over . . . quote, “It’s a shame, but this is the end.”

 

LUCY LAWLESS may be the most expensive celebrity at New York Comic-Con.  She’s charging $85 for an autograph.  PATRICK STEWART is charging $80, and WILLIAM SHATNER is asking $75.

 

LUCY LAWLESS

 

Disney now makes a “Frozen”-themed wedding dress.  You’ll probably never get married in it, but your cats are going to love it!

 

Apple says 26 million people downloaded the new U2 album that was forced upon them . . . while a total of 81 million “experienced” songs from the album

 

Sting revealed he’s being inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.  “For the love of God, tell us more about your sex life!” replied no one, ever.

STING

 

Jay Leno is hosting a car show on CNBC.  The first episode will reportedly feature him cutting the brakes on Conan’s BMW.

 

Mario Lopez, Brett Favre, and David Lee Roth all have birthdays today.  Which explains why today’s horoscope reads, “If you were born today, renew your prescription for Valtrex.”

 

Kim Jong-Un hasn’t been seen in over a month.  Which means only one thing:  he’s hosting a show with a our competition…

 

WATCH OUT FOR THE DWARF STRIPPERS….

 

This story seems too good to be true . . . but it’s so awesome we’re choosing to believe it . . .

 

A woman from Valencia, Spain gave birth to a baby DWARF this month.  But her husband is NOT a dwarf.

That’s when she broke down and confessed that she’d gotten a LITTLE out of control at her bachelorette party earlier this year.

 

In fact, she got SO out of control that she had sex with the DWARF MALE STRIPPER.  Seriously.  And he must’ve impregnated her.

 

No one knew she did it except her and the dwarf.  She didn’t tell her friends, and didn’t plan on telling ANYONE . . . ESPECIALLY not her husband.

 

So she managed to keep it a secret . . . until now.  There’s no word on how her husband reacted.  (Metro)

 

(Keep in mind it’s POSSIBLE that it’s just a coincidence . . . little people have non-little person children and vice versa.  So maybe her husband knocked her up and they had a dwarf because of some karmic coincidence?)

 

 

I LOVE THIS QUOTE: Nobody’s a natural. You work hard to get good and then work to get better. -Paul Coffey

 

 

 

 

 

And The Stanley Cup Winner Is…..

EA SPORTS HAS SIMULATED THE NHL SEASON…

 

LA KINGS

 

 

In its annual NHL season simulation released Wednesday, EA Sports predicts the defending-champion Los Angeles Kings will defeat the Boston Bruins in six games in the 2015 Stanley Cup Final for their second straight championship and third in the past four seasons, giving the NHL its first bona fide dynasty in more than a decade. The Conn Smythe Trophy will go to Kings forward Anze Kopitar, who is also predicted to win the Selke Trophy for his regular-season play in the simulation.

 

Montreal Canadiens goalie Carey Price wins the Vezina Trophy as the League’s top goaltender..The Oilers, Jets and Flames are predicted to miss the playoffs with Calgary having the worst record in the league..

( I predict the L-A Kings will win their 2nd straight Stanley Cup and 3rd in 4 yrs by knocking off the Montreal Canadiens in 5 games.)

 

OTHER BALLSY SPORTS SHORTS….

After losing their first four games of the season, the Oakland Raiders fired their head coach.  And now, their interim coach seems to have some spunk.  His name is Tony Sparano . . . and his first order of business was to dig a hole in the ground and dramatically bury a football, to symbolize how they were putting those losses behind them.

RAIDERS

 

(It’s unclear whether or not they kept it buried in the ground, but with the Raiders luck, they left it there . . . they win a game or two . . . . then someone comes around and digs it up . . . and they lose the rest of their games.)

 

 

(Or . . . instead of BURYING the memory of the first four games, the planted football starts to grow, and blossoms into a tree that yields many more four-game losing streaks, which spring up perennially.)

 

 

(Or . . . while the Raiders are practicing, quarterback Derek Carr steps on the loose earth where the football is buried, twists his ankle, and suffers a career-ending foot injury.)

 

 

 

The Utah Jazz signed a 5-year-old boy with leukemia to a one-day scrimmage contract.. (Full Story)

 

Charles Schulz, the guy who created “Peanuts”, is in the U.S. Hockey Hall of Fame.  He wasn’t in the NHL . . . he was just a huge hockey fan who did a lot of “Peanuts” strips about hockey, so they inducted him.

 

THE CYBER SPOTLIGHT

 

 

Did the YouTube Series “Video Game High School” Predict the Future?

 

 

A guy named FREDDIE WONG runs a YouTube channel called RocketJump, where he posts short films.  But unlike most YouTubers, he actually knows what he’s doing, because he graduated from USC film school.

 

 

One of his most popular series is called “Video Game High School”.  It’s set in a near future where video games have become the biggest competitive sport in the world.  So there are schools where kids ONLY learn how to get better at gaming.

 

 

Which might SOUND ridiculous . . . except when you consider that Robert Morris University in Chicago recently became the first school in the U.S. to offer SCHOLARSHIPS for competitive gaming.

 

 

Anyway, Freddie’s net worth was estimated at $6 MILLION earlier this year.  And RocketJump currently has over 7 million YouTube subscribers.

 

 

(Check out the trailer for season three of “Video Game High School” here.)

 

One Guy, Singing a Duet as Freddie Mercury and Luciano Pavarotti

 

 

A singer named Marc Martel posted a video where he sings opera in the style of Luciano Pavarotti AND Freddie Mercury from QUEEN.  And it’s actually really good.

 

 

First, he sings like Pavarotti and has a beard.  Then the camera spins around him, and the other side of his face only has a Freddie Mercury mustache . . . he even kind of LOOKS like him.  And BOTH impressions are spot on.

 

 

(Search for “Duet with Freddie Mercury and Pavarotti.”  He sings as Mercury for the first time at :47.  If you’re an opera buff, the song is “Nessun Dorma” from the Puccini opera “Turandot.”  But even if you’re not, you’ll recognize it.)

 

 

 

A Paralyzed Woman Did a Year-and-a-Half of Physical Therapy, So She Could Walk Down the Aisle with Her Dad

 

 

27-year-old Gina Giaffoglione of McClelland, Iowa was in a car crash six years ago, and ended up paralyzed from the waist down.  (Her last name is Jeff-uh-LONE-ee.)

 

 

But after her boyfriend proposed to her in 2012, she decided she wanted to WALK down the aisle with her dad, Gary.  Of course, that doesn’t mean she expected to RECOVER from her injury.

 

 

But after a year-and-a-half of physical therapy to build up her core muscles, she was able to do it with braces on her legs, a crutch in one hand, and her dad holding onto her other arm . . . all while she was in a wedding dress with a full train.

 

 

Only her close friends and family knew she was planning it, so most of her wedding guests had no idea until it HAPPENED.  You can check out a news report on YouTube, with footage from the wedding.

 

 

According to Gina, she did it for her dad, because she’s his only daughter.  And she wanted him to be able to WALK her down the aisle, not push her in a wheelchair.

 

 

And by the way, after she made it down the aisle, she also STOOD the entire time she and her husband John exchanged vows.

 

 

(Search for “Paralyzed Bride Surprises Wedding Guests.”  It shows them walking down the aisle at 2:45.)

 

MONEY CAN BUY HAPPINESS…..

 

Yesterday there was a story about how donating to charity makes you feel good for a week, and donating TIME makes you feel good for 24 days.  But if you’re lazy, cold hard cash still works.

 

MONEY

 

 

And despite what you always hear about how “money can’t buy happiness”, here are three more ways it actually CAN, according to science.

 

 

1.  Spending money to DO things, like going on a vacation.  Researchers at Cornell found that buying STUFF only makes you happy in the short term.  But paying for EXPERIENCES can make you happier in the LONG TERM.

 

 

2.  Spending money to give yourself more FREE TIME.  For example, a study at Stanford found that paying for a housekeeper DID make people happier.  But only if they could afford it.  If it would make you stress out about money, it won’t work.

 

 

3.  Spending money to pick up a check.  And it doesn’t even matter how much the check is.  Researchers at the University of British Columbia found that even buying your friend a DRINK can put you in a better mood.

 

 

And in general, spending money on others makes you happier than spending money on yourself.

 

 

 

It’s Official:  Listening to Us is the Safest Thing You Can Do While Driving

WOLF

 

According to a new study from the University of Utah, using Siri or other voice-command programs while driving can actually be REALLY dangerous.

 

 

Basically, the voice-command systems that are supposed to make using technology in your car LESS distracting can backfire.  It’s because they tend to misinterpret what you say.

 

 

Then while you’re trying to get them to do what you WANT, you get MORE distracted than you would if you were just doing things WITHOUT voice-command.

 

 

And the more interaction a hands-free device requires, the more distracted you get.  The LEAST distracting thing you can do?  Listen to US . . .

 

 

The researchers graded different activities in your car on a distraction scale of one to five.  And according to them, listening to the RADIO is a category one . . . no distraction.  But it increases if you listen to emails over your phone, or if you try to dictate a text.

 

 

Then it increases to a three or four if you try to TALK to a computer generated voice.  And the most distracting one to interact with overall is . . . Siri.

 

TIDBITS FROM AROUND THE WORLD….

A 19-year-old guy in Oregon dropped his pants to expose his junk to a woman on Monday.  And when a cop approached him, he tried to run away . . . but forgot to pull up his pants . . . TRIPPED . . . and face-planted.  Then he got up . . . tripped AGAIN . . . and was arrested for indecent exposure.

 

 

Trying to unload real estate in Detroit is still so impossible that someone posted a listing on the website Zillow.com . . . offering to trade their three-bedroom HOUSE for an iPhone 6.

 

An Italian company has come out with spreadable BEER, which you’re apparently supposed to put on crackers.  You can buy a bottle on the website Firebox.com for $17.  (Full Story)

 

A new survey says that men spend half as much time doing chores as women.  And that’s how it should be.  I mean, if women don’t handle most of the chores, who’s gonna play video poker and update the fantasy football rosters?

 

A Florida couple was busted having public sex in a retirement village.  Residents knew something was wrong when they heard moaning, but it wasn’t followed by a toilet flush.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY…..

Before you pray: BELIEVE

Before you speak: LISTEN

Before you spend: EARN

Before you write: THINK

Before you quit: TRY

Before you die: LIVE

 

 

 

BALLSY’S SPORTS SHORTS

Baltimore meets Kansas City in the ALCS…what is this 1983?  Only 4 players on the Royals roster were alive the last time they went to the ALCS (1985).

The Royals do the little things so well like outfielder Jarrod Dyson throwing out an Angel trying to go from second to third on a medium-deep fly ball. Consider this: Kansas City entered the bottom of the eighth in the A.L. Wild Card game down 7-3. Since that point, they’ve outscored opponents 21-7 over 36 innings and gone 4-0.

Here’s a good nugget from Bernie Miklasz of the St. Louis Post Distpatch: The Cards have 28 postseason victories in the last four seasons, 11 more than any other team in baseball.

This will prove the playoffs are much different than the regular season. The Dodgers Clayton Kershaw regular-season record is 98-49, with a 2.48 ERA. In the post season he is 1-4, with a 5.19 ERA.

SPORTS SHORTS VIDEOS

 

A Guy Threw Trash at Rival Football Fans, and Immediately Got Tackled by a Security Guard

Ole Miss beat Alabama 23-17 on Saturday. And there’s video of an Alabama fan at the game tossing some TRASH at a group of Ole Miss fans while they were leaving.

Then IMMEDIATELY after he does it . . . he gets clotheslined by a security guard, and the Ole Miss fans go NUTS. Apparently the security guard was watching him, because he’d been throwing other stuff at fans before the video started.

(Search for “Bama Fan Immediately Demolished for Throwing Stuff.”)

 

Watch a Five-Year-Old Kid Do Insanely Difficult Push-Ups for More Than a Minute Straight

Even if I worked out constantly the rest of my LIFE, I could never do this. If you’ve never heard of a 90-degree push-up, it’s basically where you’re in a push-up position, but you’re balancing on your hands, and your feet are off the ground.

Then you do a push-up WHILE you transition into a handstand. Yes, people can do them . . . including some five-year-old kid on YouTube named Claudio Stroe, who can do them for over a MINUTE STRAIGHT.

(Search for “Claudio Stroe 90-Degree Push-Ups.”) (DELICIOUS AUDIO ALERT: Grab audio from today’s Stupid Videos here.)

Guy Fell While He Was Skating Around Singing “O Canada” Before a Hockey Game . . . But He Didn’t Skip a Beat

On Friday, a guy named Mark Donnelly sang “O Canada” before a  hockey game in Pentiction, British Columbia. And for some reason, he skated around during it . . . didn’t realize there was a red carpet laid out on the ice . . . and TRIPPED on it.

And he bit it HARD. But the great part of the video is how he doesn’t skip a beat . . . . and he keeps singing. (Search for “Mark Donnelly Trips Over Carpet.” He trips at :08.)

And Now, Three New Things to Worry About

1.  Binge Drinking Is Bad For Your Fertility.  If you’re going out binge drinking, there’s a decent chance you’re at a stage in your life where you don’t want to knock anyone up.  But one day you will . . . and you could be in trouble.

 

 

A new study found men who drink just FIVE alcoholic drinks a week have lower quality man-seed than other men.  So if you’re trying to start a family, you might want to slow down.  (The Guardian)

 

 

2.  Swing Sets Are Killing Your Kids.  The bubble wrapping of children continues.  There are schools under pressure from insurance companies to get rid of their SWING SETS . . . because they’re too dangerous.

 

 

The majority of injuries don’t happen to the kids ON swings . . . they happen to kids who walk in front of a swing set and get taken out by a moving swing.  (ABC 4 – Spokane)

 

 

3.  You Mess Up Your Daughter When You Say You’re Fat.  A new study found at least one in three young girls have some kind of negative body image . . . because of what they heard their MOM say about her OWN body.

 

 

So if you have body image issues, it’s time to REPRESS them or just whisper them to yourself.  Sure, that’s not mentally healthy for YOU . . . but it’s crucial for your daughter.  (Daily Mail)

TIDBITS FROM AROUND THE WORLD…..

The Coast Guard Rescued a Guy Who Tried to Float From Miami to Bermuda in an Inflatable Ball

A peace activist tried to raise money for children last week, by floating from Florida to Bermuda in an inflatable ball.  It was a 1,000-mile trip, but after a few days he called the Coast Guard to rescue him just 70 miles off the coast of Florida.

Woman Named Isis Started a Petition to Get the Media to Stop Using ISIS

A woman in Florida named Isis has started an online petition to get the media to stop using ISIS.  She wants them to say ISIL instead.  And her petition is already up to about 35,000 signatures.

A Man Survives a Car Crash, but His Wife Rushes to the Scene . . . and Accidentally Runs Him Over and Kills Him

A 54-year-old guy in France lost control of his car on a curve last week, and flipped his car.  So he called his wife to pick him up . . . she lost control of her car on the SAME curve . . . flipped her car right into her husband . . . and KILLED him.

 

Ebola has reached America. The virus is so deadly, that out of habit, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell gave it a two-game suspension.

Scientists built a robot cheetah that runs 60-miles-per-hour. It also comes pre-loaded with a U2 album.

Researchers say binge drinking leads to a low sperm count:

. . . Explains why The Most Interesting Man in the World is now saying, “Stay impotent, my friends.”

. . . In related news, David Hasselhoff’s sperm count is zero.

Air Canada has had to warn their pilots again about bringing porn into the cockpit. THE TOP SIGN YOUR PILOT IS A PERV….

He turns off the seatbelt sign and turns on the sex swing sign..

REMEMBER….A life spent making mistakes is more honorable than a life spent doing nothing.

IT’S GAMEDAY RIDER NATION!

stamps

 

 

Here are 3 keys Riders/Stamps stats as we head into tonight’s big game!

– Since 2010, the team that has gained more yards rushing has won 11 times and lost only twice.

– The team that has given up more sacks has won ONLY  ONCE (SK on Sep. 17/10)

– This will be the 1st game since Oct. 13/08 that a QB other than Darian Durant will start for the Riders against Calgary (16 games).

Some other notes:

– A Riders win combined with Winnipeg and Toronto losses this week, will virtually lock up a playoff spot for the club. Saskatchewan could then finish no worse than a tie with Winnipeg at 10-8.  Calgary can secure a playoff berth with win tonight or a Winnipeg loss to Ottawa.

– Last week the Riders allowed 6 sacks which was a season high. When the team doesn’t give up a sack they have scored 22 TDs on 147 drives. When the o line gives up a sack they have scored 1 TD on 29 drives.

 

doege

 

 

I introduced myself to Seth Doege yesterday. I told him that I’m guy who “counsels” the fans on the Roughrider Roundtable after the game. Doege said, ”  I hope all the calls are positive tomorrow night.” Well my friend you will determine that not me!  I really enjoyed my chat with Doege and I’m hoping he has a memorable debut. Number 9 admit  to me that last week he tried to do too much because he felt the need to impress. Doege added ” Ballsy I feel really comfortable and I’m confident I’m going to put in a solid performance this week.”  Rider Nation can’t wait to see how this thing plays out…

 

MLB

THE TOP REASONS YOU ARE NOT WATCHING THE BASEBALL PLAYOFFS

 

Major League Baseball’s divisional playoffs are under way.  And here’s why some of you couldn’t care less.  Check out The Top Reasons You Are Not Watching the Baseball Playoffs.

 

 

You’re a supermodel, so you’re too busy having sex with Derek Jeter.

 

You’re George Clooney and you’re too busy trying to figure out what you’ve gotten yourself into.

 

You fear a Tigers playoff win will be met with violence, riots, and looting in Detroit.  As will a playoff loss.  As will batting practice.  As will the fact it’s Friday.

 

You’re a Chicago Cubs, Toronto Blue Jays and Seattle Mariners fan, so you have no idea baseball games are played in October.

 

You’re going to enjoy America’s real pastime and visit a food court instead.

 

Since baseball often has very little scoring, it reminds you too much of your social life.

 

BALLSY’S SPORTS SHORTS….

Have you ever caught a HOME RUN at a baseball game?  If that’s a dream of yours, you may’ve missed your chance . . . now that the players aren’t jacked up on steroids anymore, there are way fewer homers than there used to be.

But if you ARE in the outfield seats and a home run comes your way . . . what are your chances of catching it?  The “Wall Street Journal” analyzed video from a sample of 1,000 home runs from this season to figure that out.  Here are the results . . .

Only 8.5% of home runs were caught in the air.  29.6% were DROPPED.

Fans got about two-thirds of home run balls.  Even though very few were caught in the air, people picked them up after they were either dropped, hit an empty seat, bounced off a sign or wall, or landed in a walkway.

3% of home runs caused a FIGHT between fans.

There were 33 home runs where a fan ducked out of the way, and there were eight home runs that someone dropped and then appeared to be in pain.

Also, people tried to catch home runs with their hat 10 times . . . and it only worked twice

 

 

dave winfield

 

Dave Winfield is 63.  Baseball Hall of Famer, and the only athlete ever drafted by teams in all three major U-S sports . . . the San Diego Padres, Atlanta Hawks and Minnesota Vikings. (Americans don’t really consider the NHL a major sport)

 

 SPORTS SHORTS VIDEO

 

 

A Streaker Tackled a Rugby Player and Caused a Huge Brawl

On Wednesday, a rugby match in England was interrupted when a streaker ran on the field . . . and started PLAYING IN THE GAME.

The guy was completely naked, and lined up like he was a player.  Then he actually made a TACKLE, which started a huge brawl between the players.  And while they were fighting, he managed to sneak off the field . . . and no one knows who he was.

(Search for “Streaker Sparks Mass Brawl During Rugby Match.”  He tackles a guy at :24.  WARNING:  There’s backside nudity, but everything else is blurred.)

 

 REMEMBER TO FOLLOW YOUR HOPES AND NOT YOUR FEARS!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You Could Be Dead in 5 yrs

Wanna know if you’ll be DEAD in five years?  According to a new study, the best way to predict whether you’ll die soon has to do with your sense of SMELL.

Researchers looked at more than 3,000 men and women between the ages of 57 and 85, and asked them to identify five different scents . . . peppermint, fish, oranges, roses, and leather.

Then after five years, they counted up how many of those people had died.  And the ones who failed the test were MUCH more likely to no longer be with us.

39% of the ones who failed the test were dead, and 19% who BARELY passed were dead . . . compared to just 10% of people who passed with flying colors.

The authors of the study say they’re not sure why that’s the case.  But they think losing your sense of smell is an early warning sign of other age-related issues.

So whether or not you can smell those five things . . . peppermint, fish, oranges, roses, and leather . . . is a better way of predicting death than ANYTHING else we’ve come up with so far.

BALLSY’S SPORTS SHORTS

 New York Giants Player Lost His Fantasy Matchup . . . Because He Benched Himself Before Having a Big Game 

LARRY DONNELL

 

If you started New York Giants tight end LARRY DONNELL in your fantasy football league last week . . . he paid off BIG, with THREE touchdown catches.  If he was on your bench, you were probably kicking yourself.

 

 

Larry Donnell was one of those people.  Apparently, he has himself on his fantasy team . . . but he benched himself, and instead started San Francisco 49ers tight end VERNON DAVIS, who ended up being a total bust last week.

 

 

Because of that, Larry says he lost his fantasy matchup.  He adds, quote, “I would’ve won if I played me . . . during the game, I’m like, ‘Really?’  That’s the honest truth.”  He says he’s definitely starting himself this week.

 

 

 

 

 

Will Baseball Add “Shot Clock”-Type Timers to Speed Up the Game? 

 

MLB

Baseball is testing out a series of new rules in an effort to speed up the game.  They’re trying them out in some offseason minor league games . . . and if they work out, they could be instituted at the major league level.

 

 

The most interesting one is a “shot clock”-like timer, which would limit pitchers to just 20 seconds between pitches.  The clocks would be set up in each dugout, and in the outfield.  If the pitcher fails to pitch in time, the umpire could call a BALL.

 

 

Others include:  Not having pitchers actually pitch four balls for intentional walks . . . forcing batters to remain in the batters box between most pitches . . . and limiting coaches to three trips to the mound.

 

HOLLYWOLF REPORT:

Sexy Pictures of Famous People 

 

 

Here’s KIM KARDASHIAN in a two-piece, skin-tight outfit with a bunch of holes in it.  (Photos)

 

Sexy Video:  Here’s HUGH JACKMAN grabbing his package to promote testicular cancer awareness.

 

GOLDIE HAWN looks better than a 68-year-old woman should.

 

 

I’m gonna go ahead and say JESSICA SIMPSON won the Internet yesterday with this tight black shirt.

 

 

 

Nicolas Cage and a Ton of Other Actors Are Owed Money from When They Were Child Stars 

 

 

Thousands of people who worked as child actors have money owed to them.  There’s actually a law that 15% of the money a child actor earns is set aside for when they turn 18.  That way, greedy parents can’t get their hands on it.

There’s more than $2.7 million of this cash sitting unclaimed, and it’s owed to a lot of big names, including Nicolas Cage, Justin Bieber, Haley Joel Osment and his sIster Emily, Abigail Breslin, Taylor Lautner, Shia LaBeouf . . .

Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, Emma Roberts, Ashley Tisdale, Nikki Reed, Demi Lovato and Jaden Smith, to name a few.  (Deadline)

 

 

JIMMY KIMMEL has been named the celebrity most likely to give you a COMPUTER VIRUS.  If you search his name, there’s a ONE IN FIVE chance you’ll end up on a malicious website that could infect your computer with spyware or malware.

 

Committed environmentalist Leonardo DiCaprio has broken up with yet another supermodel girlfriend.  Proving once again that he is deadly serious about recycling.

 

CBS picked up a “Supergirl” TV show.  She’s like Superman.  But instead of kryptonite, her weakness is shoe sales

 

TIDBITS FROM AROUND THE WORLD…

 

A 35-year-old truck driver in Florida swerved and crashed into a school bus on Monday . . . and his wife was in the truck with him NAKED.  Luckily no one was killed, but seven kids and the bus driver were injured, along with the trucker and his wife.  Charges are still pending against him.

 

A 46-year-old grocery store worker in New York was busted on Monday for stealing $1,200 worth of meat . . . by shoving it down his PANTS.  That was enough to get him a felony grand larceny charge . . . and he could get four years in prison.

 

It was “National Day” in China yesterday, which is kind of like their Independence Day.  And police reportedly had to probe about 10,000 PIGEONS beforehand . . . to make sure terrorists didn’t hide EXPLOSIVES in them.

 

There’s an ingredient in Viagra that may affect eyesight, and even cause blindness:. . But at least you won’t run into anything face-first.

 

WANNA REMEMBER THAT PERSON’S NAME? READ ON….

 

Do you ever do that thing where you’re introduced to someone, and within two seconds you’ve already forgotten their name?  I do it CONSTANTLY . . . and I notice people also do it with me.

 

 

So here’s a great psychological trick to help you remember people’s names . . . and help them remember yours.

 

 

When you introduce yourself, give your first AND last name.  That will catch the other person off guard . . . and actually make them stop and process your name so it sticks in their memory.

 

 

And when you’re meeting someone and they just give their first name, ask them for THEIR last name too.

 

 

It may seem a little strange at first, but it’ll make you focus more on what they’re saying, and vice versa.  It makes a more memorable impression overall, and helps you commit the name to memory.  (The Muse)

 

 

(It also makes them WAY easier to stalk on Facebook or LinkedIn afterward, so that’s cool too.)

 

If you don’t want to be the best, then there’s no reason going out and trying to accomplish anything. -Joe Montana

 

 

STAY FROSTY!! BALLSY

 

 

 

 

 

 

It’s October..Here Are Your Best Buys!

ipads

 

It’s the first day of October, and if you’re planning to make a big purchase this month, check THIS out first.  Here are the five BEST things you can buy this month.

 

 

1.  A new car.  Most of the dealerships started selling their 2015 models last month, so the prices on their 2014 models should go down now.

 

 

2.  Tickets for a cruise.  Cruises in the Caribbean are always SUPER cheap in October.  But that’s partly because the weather’s kind of unpredictable.

 

 

3.  iPads.  Apple is expected to announce their new iPad models later this month.  And in the past, older models have always dropped in price about 20% when that happens.

 

 

4.  Camping gear.  It goes on sale because camping season is pretty much over.  The only things that DON’T go on sale are cold-weather things, like down sleeping bags.

 

 

5.  Pizza.  It’s not clear why, but pizza places LOVE offering deals this time of year.  Maybe because of football?  In 2013, Dominos, Pizza Hut, and Papa John’s all offered their best coupons in October.

 

BALLSY’S SPORTS SHORTS

KC ROYALS

Since the Kansas City Royals made the playoffs this year, that means 28 of the 30 Major League Baseball teams have made the playoffs at least once since 2003.  The only two that haven’t are the Toronto Blue Jays and the Seattle Mariners.

 

–People are still talking about Kansas City crushing New England on “Monday Night Football”:

The Chiefs win big . . . the Royals are in the playoffs . . . Kansas City hasn’t been this excited since the invention of meth.

 

–The Oakland Raiders have fired their head coach:

 

. . . In a related story, there’s an opening for the single worst job on the face of the earth.  . . . The surprising news here is that the Raiders had a head coach.

— On average major league baseball goes through 850 thousand baseballs in a season.

 

BABE RUTH

 

82 years ago . . . In 1932, with a count of two balls and two strikes, BABE RUTH “called his shot”, andpointed to the center-field bleachers at Chicago’s Wrigley Field. On the next pitch, he hit a home run over those very bleachers to put the Yankees ahead of the Cubs in Game 3 of the World Series

 

HOLLYWOLF REPORT:

 

DIDDY called JENNIFER LOPEZ’s backside a “work of art.”  And when asked if KIM KARDASHIAN’s can compare, he said, quote, “No way!  No way.  No disrespect Kanye, Kim . . . but that thing right there, that thing right there is something special.”

 

BEN AFFLECK’s penis makes its big screen debut in “Gone Girl”.  He says, quote, “There is some very brief nudity . . . The penis is in there!  It’s IMAX penis!  You’ve gotta pay fifteen bucks to see it in 3D . . . it looks better in 3D.  You should know it was a very cold set.”

 

SLIPKNOT want their music festival, Knotfest, to have its own distinctive smell . . . so they’re going to spend all three days burning oil drums full of CAMEL POOP.  Seriously.  CLOWN says, quote, “It’s not necessarily the most comfortable thing, but it’s not necessarily the worst thing.”

 

Chris Martin and Kate Hudson attended Gwyneth Paltrow’s 42nd birthday party.  This sentence couldn’t get whiter if it involved French cinema and organic kale.

Jimmy-Carter2-200x300

Jimmy Carter is 90 today.  People plan to attend his birthday party for a little bit, then run off to go to a better party for Ronald Reagan.

 

Julie Andrews is 79 today.  She played Mary Poppins . . . the most famous housekeeper who was NOT knocked up by Arnold Schwarzenegger.

 

SOME WORLD TIDBITS…. 

On Friday, firefighters in Washington state saved four hamsters from a fire using breathing tubes that look like tiny, hamster-sized oxygen masks.  And a photo of one of the hamsters using one is all over the Internet. (L.A. Times / ITV)

 

Singapore Airlines has a line of planes where you can get your own room with a BED in it.  And a guy who recently flew from Singapore to New York went all out, by getting basically every add-on he could . . . including several courses of LOBSTER.  It cost him about $19,000.

 

A pair of 102-year-old twins say the key to a long life is to be good, don’t smoke, and stay away from beer joints.  Asked if they had any regrets, they said, “Being good, not smoking, and staying away from beer joints.”

 

Kim Jong Un reportedly fractured both ankles.  While there’s no confirmation about how he suffered the injury, I think we can rule out, “falling off a treadmill.”

 

The average person spends $70,000 on alcohol in their lifetime.  I just love surveys like this . . . where I’m considered way, way, way, above average

 

 

 

MONEY BAG

 

THE TOP THINGS YOU DON’T WANT TO HEAR FROM YOUR FINANCIAL        PLANNER

 

In honor of October being National Financial Planning Month, let’s take a look at The Top Things You Don’t Want to Hear From Your Financial Planner.

 

 

I’m a member of the Financial Advisers Trust And Support Society.  Don’t use the acronym.

If you want to diversify your portfolio, you should really put some bikini pics in there.

 

My best strategy in three words:  play the ponies.

 

This job is way less stressful than my last one advising Obama on the economy.

 

My expertise is in stocks and bondage.

 

Yes, I realize $50,000 is inexplicably missing from your checking account.  But don’t blame me.  I told you, I’m not good with numbers

 

THE CYBER SPOTLIGHT

 

 

A YouTube Channel Called “Whatever” Shows You How to Prank Anyone Who Has an iPhone

 

 

A group of college students in Santa Barbara, California post prank videos on a YouTube channel called Whatever.  And they have over two MILLION followers.

 

 

You might remember their video last year, where they showed how to get any girl’s number . . . by asking if they could use her phone to place an urgent call to their MOM.  Then they called their OWN phone instead . . . and most of the girls LOVED it.

 

 

Now their newest video is blowing up, because it shows how you can prank pretty much anyone who owns an iPhone.

 

 

One of the guys walked by people on the street, and made his iPhone chime like he got a text message.  And he used the default sound that everyone uses unless they’ve changed the settings.

 

 

So out of reflex, everyone checked THEIR iPhones for a text message.  (Search for “Notification Prank.”)

 

 REMEMBER: Don’t look back – you’re not going that way.