Category Archives: Uncategorized

Tidbits From Around The World

 

–See, this is why you should NEVER listen to your wife.  A guy named Hermenegildo Beltran-Meza from Placerville, in northern California, got into an argument with his wife recently.  She was mad that he was spending so much money on scratch-off lottery tickets.  But like any good gambling addict, he kept on buying the tickets . . . and he’d hide in the bathroom to scratch them off.  And then, last month . . . one of his tickets HIT and he won a $1 MILLION jackpot. So, he says, he got the courage to walk out of the bathroom and tell his wife. There’s no word on how she reacted, but they did say they’re planning to put the money toward their retirement.

 

— If you’re worried that the apocalypse is coming, Costco just started selling an “emergency food” kit that has 6,200 servings of canned food, which is enough for one person for a full year.  It costs $1,000, but it’s currently out of stock

 

—A billionaire named A. James Clark graduated from the University of Maryland in 1950, and passed away two years ago.  And the school just announced he left them almost a QUARTER OF A BILLION DOLLARS to be used for scholarships

 

—In a 1981 interview, TOM PETTY tried to come up with his own epitaph.  And the result was short, but perfect:  “He really liked rock ‘n’ roll.”

 

–President Trump has just passed Pope Francis in Twitter followers.  Once again, Trump’s in a news story involving a guy who kneels a lot.

 

–Billionaire Warren Buffett is buying a major stake in Pilot Flying J truck stops.  He plans to spend about $12 billion . . . and that’s just to clean the bathrooms.

 

–Kim Cattrall and Sarah Jessica Parker are feuding.  Ladies, please.  Let me settle this.  You’re BOTH hot for grandmas

–Kate Winslet turns 42 today.  Later, she’ll have a piece of birthday cake that she could share with Leonardo DiCaprio . . . but instead, she’ll keep it all for herself.

Are You Dressing Up For Halloween?

 

Halloween is basically as big for ADULTS as it is for kids these days.  But is that a bad thing?

 

 

The “New York Post” staff just published an editorial saying that adults need to STOP wearing costumes on Halloween.

 

 

Quote, “We’re not saying you can’t get into the spirit . . . dress up your house, concoct a Halloween-themed dessert, or buy a pumpkin.  Then stop.  Give it a break.  Give the holiday back to the children.  Grow up.”

 

 

I’m not sure if their message is going to land, though . . . about HALF of adults say they’re planning on dressing up this year.

 

 

 

Sport Shorts

SERENA WILLIAMS posted an open letter to her mom on Reddit, thanking her for being such a good role model.  She also said she didn’t know how she restrained herself when the haters would call Serena a “man” or make fun of how strong she was when she was growing up.

LEBRON JAMES will get the biggest paychecks in the NBA this season.  His gross salary is $33.3 million . . . but after you take out taxes, his take home pay is “just” $16.7 million. Players in Florida, Texas, and Tennessee have no state income tax.  However, they’re charged so-called “jock taxes” for when they’re playing in places that DO have local taxes.

Irish golfer DARREN CLARKE says TIGER WOODS is cheap . . . quote, “He didn’t quite pay for too many dinners whenever we were out, I have to say . . . he couldn’t even be COERCED into paying for dinners.

A defensive end for the Eagles named Chris Long is donating over a third of his salary to charity this year.  And he’s using the money to set up scholarships for kids in his hometown of Charlottesville, Virginia, where white nationalists marched last month.

Anthony Scaramucci claims Tom Brady once dated Ivanka Trump before he married Gisele.  So add that to the list of The Top Surprising Revelations about Tom Brady.

He wants to play until he’s 45.  Because Gisele might be hot.  But she’s also REALLY annoying.

He’s still experiencing trauma from that one time he couldn’t get his hair to lay right.

He once “took a knee” to protest players with bad hair.

He actually spends the week folded up inside Bill Belichick’s wallet, and only comes out for games.

 

Are You Thinking Of Starting a Business?

The Top Reasons You Should Start Your Own Business

 

Since today is I Want to Start My Own Business Day, check out this list of The Top Reasons You Should Start Your Own Business.

 

 

 

 

You’re sick and tired of giving half your money to your pimp.

 

You can run it out of that part of the house you and the wife never use:  the bedroom.

 

If you’re self-employed, it’s fun to stay at home and sexually harass yourself.

 

If you want your business card to be a picture of your junk, then that’s what it is.

 

No one else will hire you.

 

Growing The Game

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In this weekly feature I’ll talk to some of the  young and talented amateur football players in this province. And what better way to kick it off then a chat with Hec Crighton Trophy winner,  U of R Rams QB Noah Picton.

 

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Me: So Noah have your accomplishments and being  named the top player in Canada sunk in yet?

Noah: Yes I enjoyed it for awhile but now I’ve put it in the past as I prepare for 2017. I don’t want to have any distractions. I’m sure when my playing days are done I’ll look back on 2016 with great pride but not now I have too much work to get done. But I’ll admit it was a magical ride going from 0-8 the season before and having lots of team success that culminated in that honour. It’s  definitely something the club can celebrate.

Me: When you got the award who were you thinking of?

Noah: Well first off I thought of all the great names that have won that trophy and what an honour it is to be mentioned with them. Then I thought about my dad Dean who helped me develop into the man and football player I am. He’s really been the biggest influence in my life.

 

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Me: Who’s the better QB Dean or Noah?

Noah : (chuckles) Well I’ve talked to a number of people who watched both of us play and I’d have to say my dad is. Besides he’s still helping me pay the bills so I better say him!

Me: Where does Noah Picton’s game go from here?

Noah: I want to win the Vanier Cup! Personally I’m not looking to smash any records. I just want to play sound football, cut down on turnovers and lead the offence up and down the field.

Me: How does a small QB get the ball where it needs to be?

Noah: My anticipation of where my receivers are and when to throw the ball have always been my strong suit. I’m a student of game and I take pride in that and knowing what the defence wants to do against my offence.

Me: Last question. Does it bug you that because you’re a Canadian you most likely will not get a chance to continue your career in the CFL?

Noah: It’s a real tough pill to swallow but it’s a reality. Andrew Buckley in Calgary is trying to break that stigma and I’m cheering for him because he’s a really good quarterback. The biggest problem for us Canadian guys is the lack of training elite training. In the US they throw year round and have top level coaching. I think slowly but surely it’s getting better as the coaching is improving and so is the commitment to training. It might not be me but I do think we will see more Canadian guys get a crack in years to come.

(Thanks to Noah for the visit. Folks if you’re a football fan you’ll want to check in here regularly as  I’m launching my own football podcast very soon. It will feature Riders guests but also have a local flavour. I’ll hope you’ll give it a listen)

National Wine Day!

In honour of today being National Wine Day, here are The Top Surprising Facts About Wine.

 

 

5. They drank a ton of it in the Bible, which is probably why they saw stuff like talking bushes and parting seas.

 

4. “Chardonnay” is French for “booze your mom will like.”

 

3. The redder the wine, the more it is attracted to white carpet.

 

2. Red wine goes with beef . . . white wine goes with fish . . . and wine coolers go with whatever you order at 2:00 A.M. at Taco Bell.

 

1. Drinking it boosts your cognitive ability . . . with the exception of Kathie Lee.

May The 4th Be With You!

Today’s “Star Wars” Day, because it’s “May the 4th” . . . as in May the Fourth Be With You.  Make it great with “The Top Tips for Celebrating ‘Star Wars’ Day.”

 

 

5. Give your favorite action figure a good polish, if you know what I mean.

 

4. Infuriate “Star Wars” nerds by telling them your favorite character is Spock.

 

3. Go to Walmart and try to spot someone smaller than Jabba the Hutt.

 

2. If your lightsaber lasts longer than four hours, seek immediate medical attention.

 

1. Just accept that you’ll be celebrating it alone.

To The Moon And Back!

astronauts

 

NASA is looking for astronauts, but before you apply, take a minute to check out this list of “The Top Questions to Ask Yourself Before Becoming an Astronaut.”

5. If I get stranded on Mars, do I have to eat Matt Damon’s poo potatoes?

4. Can I trust mankind not to lose everything to the apes while I’m gone?

3. Is it cheating if I hook up with one of those hot blue alien chicks from “Avatar”?

2. Is going into space really the best way to avoid a visit from my mother-in-law?

1. If the launch is oversold, will I be forcefully removed from the space shuttle?

Tomorrow is Earth Day!

earth day

 

 

Tomorrow‘s Earth Day, so let’s learn a little bit more about it . . . with The Top Fun Facts About Earth Day.

It was started in 1970 . . . probably by some lady who wasn’t wearing a bra.

It’s a great time to shop at Whole Foods, since all the annoying white people will be gathered in some park to talk about bees.

It’s our way of thanking the Earth for that special gift it’s given us: weed.

Planting a tree in your backyard is not only good for the environment . . . it’s a great way to cover up those shallow graves.

A lot more people would celebrate it if they turned it into one of those holidays where you get presents.