Monthly Archives: April 2017

To The Moon And Back!

astronauts

 

NASA is looking for astronauts, but before you apply, take a minute to check out this list of “The Top Questions to Ask Yourself Before Becoming an Astronaut.”

5. If I get stranded on Mars, do I have to eat Matt Damon’s poo potatoes?

4. Can I trust mankind not to lose everything to the apes while I’m gone?

3. Is it cheating if I hook up with one of those hot blue alien chicks from “Avatar”?

2. Is going into space really the best way to avoid a visit from my mother-in-law?

1. If the launch is oversold, will I be forcefully removed from the space shuttle?

Tomorrow is Earth Day!

earth day

 

 

Tomorrow‘s Earth Day, so let’s learn a little bit more about it . . . with The Top Fun Facts About Earth Day.

It was started in 1970 . . . probably by some lady who wasn’t wearing a bra.

It’s a great time to shop at Whole Foods, since all the annoying white people will be gathered in some park to talk about bees.

It’s our way of thanking the Earth for that special gift it’s given us: weed.

Planting a tree in your backyard is not only good for the environment . . . it’s a great way to cover up those shallow graves.

A lot more people would celebrate it if they turned it into one of those holidays where you get presents.

It’s 420 Day! (that means nothing to me)

420 day

 

 

Millennials and Baby Boomers aren’t the only ones celebrating 4/20.  Studies show that more seniors are enjoying the giggle weed.  So here are The Top Signs Your Grandparents are Smoking Pot.

They don’t let a shattered hip stop them from playing hacky-sack.

Your grandma knits decorative koozies for her bong.

Your grandpa’s convinced “Matlock” synchs up with “Dark Side of the Moon”.

They keep asking Meals On Wheels to bring them Funyuns and Doritos.

The  only “joints” they complain about are the ones people are Bogarting.