Monthly Archives: April 2015

Who goes number 1?

THE TOP INTERESTING FACTS ABOUT THE NFL DRAFT

nfl logo

 

With the first round of the NFL Draft going down tonight, I thought it’d be a good time to give you this list of The Top Interesting Facts About the NFL Draft.

 

 

Every eligible kid dreams of winning a Super Bowl.  Until he’s drafted by the Jaguars.

 

 

Anyone drafted by the Eagles will be instructed not to point and laugh when they see Tim Tebow in the locker room.

 

 

Even if he’s drafted lower than expected, Jameis Winston is still considered a lock to get an endorsement deal with Red Lobster.

 

 

Legend has it a team once used it to pick a white cornerback.

 

 

15% of draftees wind up on NFL rosters.  The rest wind up on parole.

 

 

 

Oakland Raiders fans have been known to react violently when they don’t like a pick.  Or when they do like a pick.  Or when it’s a day of the week ending in “Y.”

 

 

In addition to every NFL team, this year’s draft also includes the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.

 

 

 

Players drafted by the Dallas Cowboys will not only get a phone call from Jerry Jones . . . they’ll get a night in a hotel room with two of his favorite strippers!

 

 

70% of the college players drafted will be taking a pay cut.

 

 

 

The Seattle Seahawks plan to draft an unstoppable running back just so they can ignore him on the biggest play of the Super Bowl.

 

 

Which NFL Team’s Fans Are the Worst at Spelling and Grammar? 

 

SKINS

 

The fan comments on sports websites are rarely measured, well thought out, or brilliant from a grammatical standpoint.  In fact, they’re about as far from that as you can get.

 

 

So the automated proofreading company Grammarly did a study to find out which fan bases are the WORST at spelling, grammar, and punctuation.

 

 

They found that Washington Redskins fans were the bottom-feeders, at 16.5 mistakes per 100 words.  Fans of the New Orleans Saints were the second worst, followed by the Miami Dolphins, the New England Patriots, the St. Louis Rams, and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.

 

 

On the flip side, Detroit Lions fans were the MOST proper, which may seem a little surprising since the city of Detroit doesn’t have the best reputation.  Lions fans only made 4.2 errors per 100 words.

 

 

Fans of the Green Bay Packers were the next best, followed by the Philadelphia Eagles, the New York Jets, the San Diego Chargers, and the Jacksonville Jaguars.

 

 

The study was based on 150 comments from the news section of each team’s official website.

 

 

 OOPS!

 

The Twitter guy for the Houston Rockets was fired for a “violent” Tweet of a gun emoji pointing at a horse emoji.  The Rockets were playing the Dallas Mavericks.

 

WAY TO GO KID!

 

The quarterback at a high school in west Texas asked a student with Down syndrome to the prom earlier this month . . . and then the other students elected her prom queen.

 

Adrian Alonzo is the quarterback of the football team, and he decided to ask a girl named Cesyli Prieto to be his date.  Which is pretty cool, because Cesyli has Down syndrome.  And it wasn’t some mean prank, he just didn’t want her to be left out.

 

 

Adrian put five balloons in boxes, and wrote on each one so they spelled “Prom” with a question mark at the end.  Then he had Cesyli open them one at a time.

 

 

He says his palms were sweating, because he legitimately thought she might say no . . . but she accepted.

 

 

Mini Versions of Floyd Mayweather and Manny Pacquiao Will Fight Saturday Night 

 

 

After MANNY PACQUIAO and FLOYD MAYWEATHER JR. face off in the highest-stakes boxing match of all time, a scaled-down version of the fight will take place at the Beacher’s Madhouse nightclub . . .

 

 

When Mini Pretty Boy Money will throw hands with Mini Pacman.

 

 

Yes, they’re little people.  And while dwarf tossing is no longer acceptable, it’s nice to see the spirit lives on.  (???)  Mini Money and Mini Pac faced off at the MGM Grand earlier this week.  (Here’s video.)

 

 

 

The Baltimore Orioles Played in an Empty Stadium Because of the Riots

 

 

The Orioles and the White Sox played in an empty stadium in Baltimore yesterday, because of the riots.  It’s the first ever Major League game with no fans.

 

 

There were a few scouts in the stands, plus some media people and cameramen.  And a handful of people watched from outside the stadium in right field.  But that was it.

 

 

It was so quiet, you could hear one of the players hocking a LOOGIE at one point.  (Search for “The Ballpark’s So Quiet, You Can Hear the Players Spitting.”)

 

 

It was also weird to see foul balls landing in empty seats.  And the Orioles first baseman tossed a ball into the stands at the end of an inning, which he does all the time.  But obviously no one was there to catch it.  (Watch it here.)

 

 

Apparently he did it as a joke.  But he wasn’t the only person who had some fun with the situation.  Orioles catcher Caleb Joseph stood by the dugout before the game pretending to sign autographs.  (Search for “Joseph Signs Phantom Autographs.)

 

 

And at one point the Orioles announcer joked about how quiet it was, by whispering like he was covering a GOLF tournament.  When someone hit a double, he said, “the green jacket is well within reach,” as in the green jacket you get for winning The Masters.

 

 

The Orioles ended up winning, 8 to 2.  More importantly, the protests in Baltimore were mostly peaceful yesterday.  (Search for “Thorne’s Masters Voice.” 

 

 

 

Is She The World’s Sexiest Woman?

 

michelle keegan

FHM” gave this year’s Sexiest Woman in the World title to British actress MICHELLE KEEGAN.  She’s followed by Kendall Jenner, Jennifer Lawrence, Kate Upton, and another British celebrity, TV host Caroline Flack

 

 duff

HILARY DUFF is on Tinder, and she’s talking to “about nine guys right now.”  On Monday, she even said she had a date to go bowling with a man.  Sadly, we don’t know how that turned out.

 

 

Sexy Pictures of Famous People 

 

 

I don’t know how much of this is Photoshop, but LINDSAY LOHAN is showing skin and looking good.

 

 

 

Even when CHARLOTTE MCKINNEY covers up the good stuff, her topless photos are still awesome.

 

 

 

BLACK SABBATH will do a final album and tour next year.  There’s no word on drummer BILL WARD, but it’s not looking good

 

 

NBC’s investigation into Brian Williams uncovered more lies.  Or as Brian Williams put it, “I’ve been totally cleared!”

 

 

TIDBITS FROM AROUND THE WORLD

 

 

A Florida woman was charged with battery after punching her boyfriend in an argument over how he prepared fried chicken.  So you could say it was a case of a guy getting BATTERED, over his use of BATTER . . . or you could save yourself a lot of embarrassment and not say it.

 

 

 

A barber in New Jersey stabbed a customer in the butt because the man wasn’t happy with his $5 haircut and refused to pay.  Despite the stab wound, the man still lost less blood than if he had gone to Wacky Carl’s discount clippers.

 

 

According to Triple-A, it costs an average of $8,698 a year to own and operate a car, which is down about 2% from last year.  That’s partly because gas is cheaper than it was

 

 

 

According to something called the Environmental Working Group, women use an average of 12 hair and skin products each day that contain 168 different chemicals

 

 

 

The United Nations has ordered 10,000 refugee shelters designed by IKEA for a refugee camp in Iraq.  And though the U.N. intended to only buy the shelters, at the last minute, they added a picture frame, a coffee press, and an economy-sized bag of tea lights.

 

 

People are still talking about the two Michigan women who survived for nearly two weeks trapped in an SUV by eating Girl Scout Cookies.  Guys you can relate.  You’ve survived decades trapped in a marriage by drinking beer.

 

 

JERRY SEINFELD FACT OR BULLCRAP

 

 

JERRY SEINFELD turns 61 today., explains his new joke, “What’s the deal with walking around the mall at six in the morning?” 

 

 

  1.   In nine seasons, they never revealed what Jerry’s address was.

 

BULLCRAP  He lived at 129 West 81st Street, Apartment 5-A.  And that was his ACTUAL address when he lived in New York before the show started.

 

 

  1.   Jerry proposed to two women on the show, but didn’t marry either of them.

 

FACT:  One was Janeane Garofalo in season seven, because her character was exactly like him.  The other was Elaine in season nine, and she ran off without giving him an answer.  Then she came back and said yes, but he didn’t want to go through with it.

 

 

  1.   All four of the main actresses from “Sex and the City” played Jerry’s girlfriend.

 

BULLCRAP  Only Kristin Davis did.  He accidentally dropped her character’s toothbrush in the toilet, and she used it before he could tell her.  Then he refused to kiss her anymore.

 

 

  1.   Jason Alexander was in every episode but one.

 

FACT:  George and Kramer didn’t appear in an episode called “The Pen” in season three, because Jerry and Elaine went to Florida to visit his parents.

 

 

  1.   Jerry decided to end the show after nine seasons because that’s how long The Beatles were together.

 

FACT  He says he wanted to leave people wanting more, just like the Beatles did.  (Watch the interview where he talks about it here.)

 

WIN THE DAY JERRY!

 

What Is Wrong With People?

What better way to honor your dead husband or boyfriend than making sure he’s with you for all of your future sexual adventures?

 

 

A designer out of the Netherlands has created a product called 21 Grams that uses someone’s ASHES in a way that’s a mix of oddly romantic and super creepy.

 

 

Instead of putting them in an urn, 21 Grams is a box that opens up to reveal a few tributes to your late partner . . .

 

 

The ashes go into a special SEX TOY . . . so they vibrate around when you use it.

 

 

There’s a perfume spray bottle that you can fill up with his old cologne . . . so you can get a whiff of him while you’re going to town on yourself.

 

 

And there are some speakers that you can plug your iPhone into . . . to play your wedding song or perhaps your sex jams.

 

 

We don’t know how much it costs . . . the designer custom makes them.  But he promises it’s worth it because with one of these, quote, “[A widow] is able to have an intimate night with her sweetheart again.”  (DesignBoom)

 

BALLSY’S SPORT SHORTS…

 

JAMIE FOXX is a big-time boxing fan, and he just scored a SWEET gig.  He’s singing the National Anthem at the FLOYD MAYWEATHER / MANNY PACQUIAO fight on Saturday night.

 

 

As a side note, Jamie is starring in an upcoming movie about MIKE TYSON, and he played Muhammad Ali’s right-hand man Drew Bundini Brown in “Ali”.

 

 

You may also remember that he sang “America the Beautiful” before the Manny Pacquiao / Shane Mosley fight in 2011.  (Here’s video of that performance.)

 

 

(By the way, as a former boxer, OSCAR DE LA HOYA is picking Manny Pacquiao to win the fight.  And as a former cross-dresser, Oscar has yet to comment on Bruce Jenner’s interview with Diane Sawyer.)

 

 

(In all seriousness, Oscar is one of the five people to have fought BOTH Mayweather and Pacquiao.  He lost to both, but they were epic fights.  Here’s his take on Saturday night.)

 

 

 

Sports commentator CHARLEY CASSERLY was freaking out during a live broadcast on the NFL Network yesterday, because he was being asked questions about the NFL Draft that he wasn’t prepped for beforehand.  (Video)

 

 

 

Tony Romo says the Dallas Cowboys will win a Super Bowl:

 

. . . To prove it, he quit the Dallas Cowboys.  (Tweet This)

 

. . . Sounds like Johnny Manziel’s not the only NFL quarterback hitting the bottle.

 

 

48 years ago . . . In 1967, MUHAMMAD ALI was stripped of his WBC and WBA titles when he refused to be inducted into the Army.  As Ali had famously said, “I ain’t got no quarrel with those Vietcong.”  The WBC title was filled by a guy named JOE FRAZIER.

 

 

 

27 years ago . . . In 1988, the BALTIMORE ORIOLES set an American League record by opening the season with 21 STRAIGHT LOSSES when the Minnesota Twins beat them 4-to-2.

 

 

In their next game, they broke the streak by beating the Chicago White Sox 9 to nothing. But they lost their next game to the Sox, and set another record:

 

 

Their 1-and-22 record in April of 1988 was the WORST SINGLE MONTH record in baseball history. The 1988 Orioles finished the season with 54 wins and 107 losses.

 

 

HOLLYWOLF REPORT

 

Sexy Pictures of Famous People 

 

 

1.  GISELE BUNDCHEN went fully nude for the new cover of “Vogue” in Brazil.  The photo was taken from the side . . . and obviously, she’s covering her naughty bits.

 

 

 

2.  PENELOPE CRUZ was sporting a SKIN-TIGHT red jumpsuit on the set of “Zoolander 2” in Italy.

 

 

 

3.  RYAN REYNOLDS posted a bloody selfie from the set of “Deadpool”, and captioned it, quote, “Officially halfway through production on #Deadpool and I feel fine.  The other guys?  Not so much.”

 

 

 

 

Rumor has it that BRUCE JENNER wants to show off his increasingly feminine figure in a NAUGHTY PHOTO SHOOT.  Supposedly, he’s looking for, quote, “a top-quality photographer for a risqué-yet-sophisticated portrait.”  The fact that he once posed for the cover of “Playgirl” adds some credence to the story, but Bruce is 65 so this could very well be bogus. GOTTA HAND IT TO BRUCE WHAT HE’S DOING TAKES BALLS.

 

 

 

 

“The Osbournes” Revival Is Dead 

 

 

Over the past few months, there’s been talk about VH1 reviving “The Osbournes” for a six- to eight-episode “update.”  Well, that plan is dead . . . at least at VH1.

 

 

A network suit says, quote, “We are no longer talking to the Osbournes about a series.  That’s not going to happen.  We wish we could’ve worked it out, but it just didn’t come together for us.

 

 

“The family has been absolutely lovely and we wish them the best.”  There’s no word why the talks broke down.  SHARON OSBOURNE hasn’t commented yet.

 

 

 

 

For whatever reason, the “Huffington Post” is bringing us “Five ‘Dirty’ Things You Didn’t Know About The Beatles.”  And yeah . . . they’re pretty dirty.  (Full Story)

 

 

 

 

SMASHING PUMPKINS singer BILLY CORGAN is a big-time wrestling fan . . . so much so that he just got a full-time gig as a “senior producer” for TNA wrestling.  As part of his job, he will “develop characters and create story lines

 

 

 

28 years ago . . . In 1987, on a plane carrying spring breakers home from Miami to Boston, OZZY OSBOURNE bought three rounds of drinks and sang “Crazy Train” over the P.A.

 

 

GONE VIRAL

 

A video of a baby cracking up when his dad blows on a dandelion is picking up a bunch of hits online.  It actually seems like he thinks the blowing sound is what’s funny, and the way he laughs is the best part.  (Search for “Buzz and the Dandelions.”)

 

 

 

Softball-Sized Hail Smashes a Guy’s Windshield

 

 

Two storm chasers in Texas were driving through a storm near Dallas on Sunday when hail the size of softballs started smashing their windshield.  And they got a pretty crazy video of it.

 

 

(Search for “Stephenville, TX Mega Hail.”  One hits at :09, and another hits at :30.)

 

 

 

The Best News Bloopers from the ’80s and ’90s

 

 

Someone posted a new seven-minute video of the best news bloopers and outtakes from the ’80s and ’90s.  And we’d never seen a lot of them.  Just be warned, there’s heavy swearing through most of it.

 

 

(Search for “Best News Bloopers 80s and 90s.”  Warning: Lots of F-bombs and other profanity.)

 

 

 

 

 

Stupid Photo Of The Day and much more!

Stupid Photos of the Day:  People Are Giving Their Dogs Haircuts to Make Their Heads Look Square

 

 

I hate that I love these photos as much as I do . . . but DAMN, I could look at these all day.  There’s a new trend in Taiwan where people are having their dogs get haircuts that make their heads look SQUARE.

A good groomer can take a furry dog and style its hair so it looks like its head is a perfect cube shape . . . and the effect is almost too good to be true.  (Mashable)

 

MID LIFE CRISIS

MID LIFE CRISIS

 

Apparently the sign of a midlife crisis isn’t buying a sports car or getting hair plugs . . . it’s really getting into the musical genius of Ariana Grande.

 

 

A new study found the average person has their midlife crisis at age 42 . . . at least if you go by their music taste.

 

 

Spotify analyzed the music people listen to over their lives and found that most of us follow a pretty specific pattern.

 

 

We listen to popular stuff in our early 20s . . . our tastes evolve and mature in our late 20s and early 30s . . . by our mid-30s, we don’t know ANYTHING about what’s trending and just listen to what we like . . . but at 42, we’re back to pop.

 

 

The people at Spotify say that’s the big sign of a midlife crisis . . . since we’re grasping at ways to try to look and feel young, and gravitating back to pop music is a big one.

 

 

THIS GUY DEFIES LOGIC

 

Andrew Wardle of Manchester, England was born with an extremely rare birth defect called penile agenesis.  It means he was born WITHOUT JUNK . . . well, he has the balls, just not the bat.

 

 

Andrew is 40 now, and he clearly hasn’t let his condition get in the way . . . because he says he’s gotten-it-on with over 100 WOMEN.

 

 

Obviously he hasn’t had sex with them . . . but apparently he’s so good at doin’ all the other stuff to them that most of them don’t notice what he’s missing down there.  He says he only had to tell the truth to about one out of five.

 

 

But now he’s publicly coming clean . . . because he says he’s tired of living a lie.

 

 

AND . . . he’s about to have a complex surgery where doctors will try to build him fully-functional junk out of muscles and skin from his forearm.

 

 

GONE VIRAL

 

1.  Crazy Footage of the Mount Everest Avalanche That Killed 17 People

 

 

A 7.9 earthquake hit Nepal on Saturday, and at least 2,500 people have died.  Most of them were in the capital of Kathmandu.  But at least 17 people climbing Mount Everest also died when it triggered a huge avalanche.

 

 

A guy from Germany was at base camp with a bunch of other climbers when it happened, and posted a crazy video of it.

 

 

They were far enough down the mountain that they didn’t get completely buried, but you see a huge wall of snow coming at him before he dives into his tent.

 

 

Then through the rest of it he drops a very appropriate amount of F-bombs, because it looks terrifying.

 

 

(Search for “Hit by Avalanche in Everest Basecamp.”  He sees the wall of snow coming at :18.  Warning: Lots of F-bombs and other profanity!)

 

 

(There’s also a security video of someone’s backyard that gives you an idea of how strong the earthquake was.  And Mashable.com posted some before-and-after photos of buildings that got destroyed.)

 

 

(Also, it turns out one of the climbers who died on Everest was a Google executive named Dan Fredinburg.  His sister posted on his Instagram account and confirmed it.)

 

 

 

 

2 At least 16 kids were hurt when the stage collapsed during a high school musical in Westfield, Indiana on Thursday, just north of Indianapolis.

 

 

They were doing the finale, where a bunch of them came out to sing “Don’t Stop Believing” by JOURNEY.  Then the whole stage buckled, and they fell 12 FEET into an orchestra pit.  Luckily, all of them are back home recovering.

 

 

(Search for “Another Stage Collapse in Indiana.”  It happens at :22.  The word “another” in the title is referring to the stage that collapsed at the Indiana State Fair in 2011 and killed seven people.)

 

 

 

3.  A Guy Breaks a World Record by Solving a Rubik’s Cube in 5.25 Seconds

 

 

A teenager at a competition in Pennsylvania broke a world record on Saturday, by solving a Rubik’s Cube in 5.25 seconds.  The old record was 5.55 seconds.  And the best part of the video is how the other kids at the competition react to it.

 

 

They’re all VERY into the whole Rubik’s Cube scene, so they obviously go nuts.  But one girl screams like she just saw a MURDER or something.  (Search for “3×3 World Record 5.25 Collin Burns.”  He starts at :10.)

 

 

BRUCE JENNER

THE TOP THINGS YOU DON’T WANT TO HEAR FROM YOUR DAD –

 

 

Even though Bruce Jenner’s kids said they were accepting when he told them he was transitioning into a woman, it still had to be a shock.  Which brings us to this list of The Top Things You Don’t Want to Hear From Your Dad.

 

 

If you have a minute, I could use some help putting this catheter in.

 

 

I deserve more respect than this.  I’m Adrian Peterson, dammit!

 

 

 

My iPhone’s dead.  Can mom and I make a dungeon video with yours?

 

 

Is the thong too revealing?

 

 

I don’t want you to be embarrassed when I’m supervising the field trip.  So I just bought a brand new pair of super-cool, high-waisted

 

 

Guess what?  I made it through your entire violin recital on only a single flask of whiskey!

 

 

 

Son, go look in the driveway . . . there’s a brand new Dodge minivan there for you

Pat C’s Remain Perfect

PAT C'S

Another solid outing for the Regina Pat Canadians at the Telus Cup in Quebec.

Owen Sillinger had a goal and two assists as Regina remained undefeated by doubling the Stathmore Bisons 4-2.
Jake Tesarowski, Arthur Miller and Conner Chaulk also scored for the Pat Canadians  who are now 3-0. Curtis Meger kicked out 24 shots.

 

 

Chris Rock Explains Why Black People Don’t Dig Baseball Anymore 

 

 

CHRIS ROCK is a baseball fan . . . and he did a seven-minute monologue for HBO’s “Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel” to try to explain why baseball is no longer as popular in Black America.

 

 

It’s funny . . . but he makes some good points, like the fact that baseball seems to revel in tradition and old timey-ness.  Rock points out that black people don’t necessarily like to look back, because times weren’t necessarily good for them.

 

 

He adds that baseball is slower than the other sports . . . and they even DISCOURAGE excitement.  Like if you celebrate too much after hitting a home run, on your next at-bat, quote, “a baseball will go whizzing by your head.”  (Here’s the UNCENSORED video.)

 

 

 

 

 

San Francisco May Become the First City to Ban Baseball Players from Chewing Tobacco 

 

AT@T

The San Francisco Board of Supervisors unanimously voted to ban all tobacco products from athletic venues, including AT&T Park, where the Giants play.

 

 

That means San Francisco could become the first Major League stadium where players will NOT be allowed to chew tobacco.  Although, it’s unclear how that would be enforced.

 

 

It isn’t official yet.  The ordinance still has to pass one more vote, and then Mayor Ed Lee would have to sign off on it.  But if those things happen, it could go into effect in January of next year, in time for the 2016 baseball season.

 

OTHER SPORTS SHORTS…

 

The Washington Redskins stupidly made a joke on Twitter about the Eagles signing TIM TEBOW . . . and were quickly reminded how much they spent on RG3.

 

@Redskins Tebow has more playoff wins then RG3 but

 

 

 SPEAKING OF TEBOW JOKES!

 

A Philadelphia pretzel factory created a pretzel to honor Tim Tebow.  The pretzel looks delicious at first . . . but then you take a bite and immediately realize it was completely overrated.

 

 

A man in a Green Bay Packer hat robbed a bank in Chicago.  For failing to stop the Packers, the security guard  was immediately drafted by the Bears

 

THIS DAY IN SPORTS 

 

51 years ago . . . In 1964, Ken Johnson of the HOUSTON COLT .45’s became the first pitcher to throw ano-hitter . . . and LOSE THE GAME.  The Colt .45’s lost 1-0 on an error in the 9th inning.

 

KAREEM

 

26 years ago . . . In 1989, KAREEM ABDUL-JABBAR played his last regular season NBA game.

 

AIKMAN

26 years ago . . . In 1989, with the first pick of the NFL draft, the DALLAS COWBOYS selected UCLA quarterback TROY AIKMAN.  He led them to three Super Bowls and played for the Cowboys until he retired in 2000.

 

 

The First YouTube Video Was Posted Ten Years Ago Today

 

 

YouTube celebrated its 10th anniversary back in February . . . it was founded on February 14th, 2005.  But the first actual video was posted ten years ago TODAY.

 

 

It’s an 18-second clip of one of the co-founders standing in front of an elephant pen at the San Diego Zoo.  And in addition to being the first YouTube video . . . it also might be the most BORING.  But if you want to watch it, it’s called Me at the Zoo.

 

 

It’s accumulated over 19 million hits . . . from people like you who are simply curious to see what the first YouTube video was.

 

 

Ten years later, YouTube now has more than a billion users, and 300 hours of footage gets uploaded every MINUTE.  “Gangnam Style” is still the most-watched YouTube video of all time, with 2.3 billion hits.

 

 

YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH?

 

You know the old stand-up comedy bit about how a man is the most honest right after he’s had sex . . . because it’s the only time in his life he’s not trying to get laid?  Science just proved it.

 

 

A study out of the University of Connecticut found that people are the most likely to tell you the truth right after getting-it-on.  That goes for both men and women.

 

 

Here’s why.  When you climax, your brain is flooded with oxytocin . . . which leads to more trust, less worrying about threats, and less stress.  That makes you feel safe and especially honest.

 

 

There’s only one time when it doesn’t happen:  When you have DRUNK sex.

 

 

The researchers say when you’ve been drinking, your body chemicals don’t hit you as hard . . . so you don’t bust out any major honesty.  You still babble . . . you just don’t say anything useful or interesting.

(So I guess my wife is taking her secrets to her grave)

 

 

CELEB B-DAYS

 

Joanna Krupa is 36.  Hot model and one of the “Real Housewives of Miami” who finished 4th on season nine of “Dancing with the Stars” and stirred some controversy over PETA pics where she’s “dressed” as an angel, holding a strategically placed crucifix to cover her naughty parts.

 

 

(But the moment I fell in love with her was when Joanna was paired with NFL loudmouth Terrell Owens on ABC’s “The Superstars” in summer of 2009.  Have another look at an outtake of Joanna ripping him a new one.)

 

 

(WARNING:  Her steady stream of profanity is UNCENSORED . . . and FREAKIN’ AWESOME . . .)  (Video)

 

 

 

 

John Cena is 38.  One of the most polarizing WWE superstars of all time.  He’s every bit as hated as he is loved.  But he’s the face of the company, he makes MILLIONS and he’s the number one wish-granter of all time for the Make-A-Wish Foundation . . . so SUCK IT, HATERS.

 

 

 

Melina Kanakaredes is 48.  Oddly sexy former “CSI:  New York” star.

 

 

George Lopez is 54.  He once smacked Carlos Mencia for stealing his material.  But hey, who hasn’t wanted to do that?

 

 

VALERIE BERTINELLI is 55.  Eddie Van Halen’s gorgeous ex-wife who looks AWESOME now that she’s gone through the Jenny Craig thing.

 

Joyce DeWitt is 66.  Janet on “Three’s Company”.

 

Lee Majors is 76.  Steve Austin on “The Six Million Dollar Man”, Heath Barkley on “The Big Valley”, and Colt Seavers on “The Fall Guy”.  He used to nail Farrah Fawcett.

 

(Quick word association game:  When I say “The Six Million Dollar Man”, what’s the first thing that pops into your head?  Was it “the Bigfoot episode”?  OF COURSE IT WAS.  Dude, I miss Andre the Giant.)

 

WIN THE DAY!

 

 

 

 

S

It’s the 46th Earth Day!

THE TOP BEST WAYS TO CELEBRATE

EARTH DAY

 

 

Are you excited about today being Earth Day?  If not, we have some ideas that might help you get into it on this list of The Top Best Ways to Celebrate Earth Day.

 

 

Wake up early and watch the sunrise.  Or stumble home drunk and covered in stripper glitter and watch the sunrise.  Just watch the damn sunrise!

 

 

Donate to an organization that supports endangered species.  Like the Bill Cosby Fan Club.

 

 

Bicycle to work.  Okay, the unemployment office.

 

 

Don’t drive your gas-guzzling minivan across the country . . . when Al Gore has a perfectly good private jet you can use.

 

 

Spend three days trampling a grassy field, dropping empty water bottles and old glow sticks on it, and driving away in gas-guzzling SUVs.  Or, as environmentally-conscious young adults call it:  An Earth Day celebration.

 

 

 

Conserve energy by lying on the couch all day binge-watching sports

 

 

 

Do a shot every time you hear the word “biodegradable.”

 

 

Sit in your Hummer at a McDonald’s drive-thru for 20 minutes waiting for a meal packed in Styrofoam.

 

 

Weave a cute bracelet out of the plastic rings that hold a six-pack together and continue to wonder why everyone thinks you’re homeless.

 

 

BALLSY’S SPORTS SHORTS

 

 

 

The Boston Marathon was on Monday, but technically it didn’t end until early yesterday morning, when the last runner crossed the finish line.

 

 

39-year-old Maickel Melamed is a college professor from Venezuela who suffers from muscular dystrophy.  And he finished in last place after walking all 26.2 miles.  Obviously getting a good time wasn’t the point though . . . just FINISHING was.

 

 

In all, it took him about 20 hours to cross the finish line.  (The winner of the Boston Marathon was 25-year-old Lelisa Desisa from Ethiopia, who finished with a time of 2 hours, 9 minutes, 17 seconds.)

 

 

And a solid portion of it was during a downpour.  But even though he finished at 4:50 in the morning, there were still dozens of people cheering him on.

 

 

 

The Memphis Grizzlies Have a “Bongo Cam,” and One Lady Really Gets Into It

 

 

The Memphis Grizzlies have a stupid thing called the “Bongo Cam,” where they superimpose bongos at the bottom of the screen.  Then the people they cut to in the crowd pretend to play them.

 

 

And a 45-year-old named Malenda Meacham is BY FAR the best at it.  She got on the Bongo Cam for the first time a few years ago.  And now she’s a minor celebrity in Memphis because she gets so into it every time.

 

 

The NBA posted a video of her doing it over a year ago, but it just blew up on Reddit.  The best part is her son sitting next to her, trying not to look embarrassed.  (Search for “Bongo Cam feat. Bongo Lady.”  It cuts to her at 1:01.)

 

 

 

The NFL released next season’s schedule last night.  Now you’ll know where all your favorite players will be in the coming months.  Other than jail.

 

SOME MORNING FACTS…

 

Here are some random facts for you . . .

 

 

1.  In 1992, the average person got 2.5% of their calories from alcohol . . . now it’s up to 10%.

 

 

2.  There’s one ATM in Antarctica . . . and it’s run by Wells Fargo.  So if you have a Wells Fargo account, there’s no ATM fee.

 

 

3.  Charlie Chaplin’s original career plan was to be a hog farmer in Arkansas . . . but when he found out he’d have to castrate his hogs, he decided to go with show business.

 

 

4.  The only mammals that can fly are bats.

 

 

5.  A man has a 50% chance of having male pattern baldness by the time he’s 50.

 

WIN THE DAY!

The Pat C’s Open With a Win!

PAT C'S

 

Owen Sillinger  scored  twice and added two assists and Riley Woods had a goal and three helpers as they helped the  Regina Pat Canadians to a 7-2 win over the Toronto Young Nationals in the 2015 TELUS Cup opener on Monday.

Special teams have been great for the Pat C’s these playoffs and yesterday was no different. Regina scored three times on eight power play opportunities.
The Pat Canadians are back on the ice at Centre Premier Tech on Tuesday at 10 am Saskatchewan time against the Grenadiers de Chateauguay.

 

 

SPORTS SHORTS…

 

 

A Woman at a Baseball Game Got Nailed in the Head by a Foul Ball

 

 

A woman at a Cubs-Pirates game yesterday took a foul ball to the HEAD.  She was standing behind home plate with her back turned, and the ball hit the safety netting.

 

 

But the net stretched enough that the ball hit her at pretty much full speed before it bounced off.  Then the game was delayed for 23 minutes, and they took her off on a stretcher.

 

 

Her friend gave a thumbs up as they were leaving though, so hopefully she’s okay.  (You can check for updates here.  Search for “Starlin Castro Fouls a Ball Back and Hits a Fan Through the Netting.”)

 

 

 

BRITT

A minor league baseball team wants ESPN’s Britt McHenry to give an anti-bullying speech.  They also have calls out to Snoop Dogg to record a “Just Say No” PSA and to Kanye West to sing a song about humility.

 

 

Johnny Manziel apologized to Cleveland Browns fans for his behavior.  Fortunately, if there’s a group that’s used to being disappointed . . .

 

 

HARBAUGH

A lineman for the San Francisco 49ers called former head coach, Jim Harbaugh, “clinically insane.”  Which is the exact same thing Seattle Seahawks fans called Peter Carroll after his decision to pass on the goal line in the Super Bowl.

 

 

TUESDAY TIDBITS

 

A 57-year-old grandmother in England has severe agoraphobia . . . that’s a fear of open spaces.  So a few weeks ago, she stepped outside for just the third time in TEN YEARS . . . and promptly fell down an open manhole.  She broke her leg and may never leave the house again.

 

 

A 70-year-old woman from Guyana flew to New York last week, and got a pat down in customs because she was acting nervous.  They found she’d jammed four pounds of cocaine in her Spanx, so she was arrested on a felony narcotics charge.

 

 

 

A guy in England went to his ex-wife’s house drunk last month, but she wouldn’t let him in to see their kids.  So he pushed the door open . . . grabbed some Easter candy that was lying around . . . and started throwing Cadbury eggs at her.  He was just sentenced to eight weeks in jail for assault.

 

 

 

A 120-pound woman broke a speed-eating record in Texas on Sunday, by eating three 72-ounce steaks in under 20 MINUTES.  And she took down the first one in 4 minutes and 18 seconds.  (Full Story)

 

 

Stupid Photo:  A woman near San Francisco flipped her car on Sunday . . . crashed into a playground . . . and it landed upside down on a slide.  Luckily no one was hurt.  (Full Story)

 

 

(CAREFUL!)  A 24-year-old in England can’t have sex anymore, because he tried to make his junk bigger by injecting it with VASELINE.  And his friend helped him with the injections, so . . . NEITHER guy realized it wouldn’t work.  (Full Story)

 

MOTLEY CRUE..NOT DONE YET!

 

MOTLEY CRUE has added 21 more concerts to their “farewell tour.”  The new dates are scheduled between October and December.  As they’ve previously announced, their final show will be in L.A. on New Year’s Eve.

 

 

The new shows will all take place in arenas, so TOMMY LEE will be flying out over the audience on his “drum rollercoaster.”

 

 

On top of that, they’ll have something called “The Crue’s Nest”.  It’s a levitating platform away from the main stage, which the band will “ride” with select fans during the last song.

 

 

NIKKI SIXX says, quote, “We have a ‘B’ stage that goes up about 40 feet in the air, so we were like, ‘Why don’t we just strap a bunch of fans to it?’ . . .

 

 

“We had to build special seats with harnesses and seatbelts, but it’s really cool . . . it’ll be like an amusement park ride..One of the dates is in Saskatoon, December 10th and we’ve got tickets to give away all week on The Wolf.

 

 

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:  “Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living.  The world owes you nothing.  It was here first.”

 

  . . . GENIUS MARK TWAIN, who died on this day back in 1910.  He was 74.

 

~He Also Left Us This Wonderful Wisdom~

“It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt.”

 

 

“When in doubt, tell the truth.”

 

 

“Always do right.  That will gratify some of the people, and astonish the rest.”

 

WIN THE DAY!

Ringo Is In The Hall and Pete Rose Is Back Too.

The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremony went down Saturday night.  The televised version won’t air on HBO until May 30th . . . but here are eight highlights:

 

 

1.  One of the more interesting quotes came from Yoko Ono, who called Ringo Starr the, quote, “most influential” member of The Beatles in a backstage interview.  And no, she didn’t mean the most influential SURVIVING Beatle.

 

 

She said, quote, “No one is probably going to believe it, but he was the most influential Beatle.”  She didn’t elaborate directly . . . but she added that when she came onto the scene, Ringo was the most popular Beatle.

 

 

Quote, “John would go up and down and all that, but Ringo was always just very gentle.  And he really believed in peace and love . . . he just sort of embodies peace and love.”

 

 

She also took a shot at the Hall for taking so long to induct Ringo:  Quote, “John got it, then George got it, then Paul got it.  So why didn’t they think about Ringo?”

 

 

 

2.  During Ringo’s speech, he offered up this helpful tip for musicians in a band:  (Careful!)  Quote, “If you fart, own up.  It’ll cause hell if you don’t own up because everyone will blame everyone else.  Make a pact that you’ll own up to it.  We did, and that’s why we did so well.”

 

 

(Here’s UNCENSORED video of his speech.  The line is at the 8:50 mark.)

 

 

 

3.  When Paul McCartney was inducting Ringo, he had this to say about the first audition:  Quote, “Most of the drummers couldn’t nail the drum part.  It was a little bit difficult to do, but Ringo nailed it.

 

 

“I remember the moment, standing there, and looking at John [Lennon] and looking at George [Harrison] and the look on our faces was . . . [effing] . . . what is this?  And that was the moment, really, that was the beginning of the Beatles.”

 

 

(Here’s UNCENSORED video of Paul. The line is at the 3:15 mark.)

 

 

 

4.  Ringo closed out the show by performing Boys with Green Day . . .  It Don’t Come Easy with his brother-in-law Joe Walsh . . . and With a Little Help from My Friends and “I Wanna Be Your Man” with Paul, and basically everyone else who was there.

 

 

 

 

5.  As we were warned beforehand, Miley Cyrus was there to induct Joan Jett.  She gave a speech, which a lot of people actually liked . . . but then in true Miley fashion, she ended up topless, and wearing only NIPPLE PASTIES with “Js” on them, for “Joan Jett.”  She was also sporting some ARMPIT HAIR. Cyrus says she wants to have sex with Joan. But Jett loves rock n roll and not STD’S

 

 

(Here’s a NSFW photo . . . here’s an amusing NSFW photo of her and Joan with Paul McCartney . . . and here’s a SFW picture of her and Joan.)

 

 

(RollingStone.com has the transcript of Miley’s speech, which began with, quote, “I’m going to start off this induction with the first time I wanted to have sex with Joan Jett.”)

 

 

 

6.  Dave Grohl of the Foo Fighters performed with Joan . . . so it was kind of like he was returning the favor for her joining him for a “Nirvana” performance last year.

 

 

She did “Bad Reputation”, the Runaways’ classic “Cherry Bomb”, and her cover of “Crimson and Clover”, which she did alongside Miley, Dave, and the original singer, Tommy James of the Shondells.

 

 

 

7.  Green Day drummer Mike Dirnt thanked the Ford motor company for, quote, “creating the Ford Econoline van, the best damn van any smelly touring band could have.”  They performed “American Idiot”, “When I Come Around”, and “Basket Case”.

 

 

 

8.  Patti Smith opened her mostly serious speech inducting Lou Reed with the details of an intimate conversation they shared in a hotel bathroom.

 

 

She said, quote, “I found him in the bathtub dressed in black.  So I sat on the toilet and listened to him talk.  It seemed like he talked for hours, and he talked about, well, all kinds of things.

 

 

“He spoke compassionately about the struggles of those who fall between genders. He spoke of pre-CBS Fender amplifiers and political corruption.  But most of all, he talked about poetry.”  (Here’s UNCENSORED video of that.)

 

(RollingStone.com has even more highlights . . . and here is a series of links to all their Rock Hall content, which includes transcripts of a lot of speeches.)

 

 

 

THE TOP REASONS YOU HAVEN’T MADE IT IN COUNTRY MUSIC

 

 

Last night the ACM Awards showcased some of the best talent in country music.  Unfortunately, not every aspiring country star will get to that level.  Find out some reasons why with The Top Reasons You Haven’t Made it in Country Music.

 

 

 

Your pickup truck is a hybrid.

 

 

You don’t have a single friend in a low place.

 

 

Your wife is faithful, your dog is young and healthy, and thanks to The Club, nobody even thinks about stealing your truck.

 

 

The only thing you’ve ever done in Nashville is watch the Titans suck.

 

 

You’re allergic to rhinestones.

 

 

Your greatest musical influence is Billy Ray Cyrus.

 

 

Probably your dreadlocks and neck tattoos have something to do with it.

 

 

You boobs are bigger than Dolly Parton’s . . . and you’re a guy.

 

PETE ROSE is doing baseball analysis for Fox Sports. (Full Story)

 

2 things PETE ROSE shouldn’t say when broadcasting baseball:

1- “if I was a betting man”

2. “The 1st baseman has to cover”

 

GREAT NEWS CUBS FANS JON LESTER CAN THROW TO FIRST BASE…

 

A Baseball Got Stuck in a Pitcher’s Glove, So He Threw the Entire Thing to First Base

 

 

Jon Lester of the Cubs pitched against the Padres yesterday, and snagged a hard ground ball in the second inning. But he couldn’t throw it to first because the ball was STUCK in the webbing of his glove.

 

 

So instead . . . he just threw the entire GLOVE. And it worked. The Cubs ended up losing 5 to 2 though. (Search for “Must C: Lester’s Glove Flip.”)

 

WIN THE DAY!

 

 

 

Just Chill

beer

It’s about damn time science did something worthwhile.

A physicist named Rhett Allain just figured out exactly how much ice you need to perfectly chill a 12-pack of beer. Or a 12-pack of soda or water . . . if you’re That Guy.

He did all sorts of thermodynamics, which we won’t get into here. But after all his calculations, he found it takes 250 grams of ice per drink. So, exactly 6.6 pounds to cool a dozen beers.

Ice usually comes in 10-pound bags though. And if you drink SLOWLY, you’re actually better off using a 10-pound bag, since some of the ice will melt. (But who’s drinkin’ slowly? It’s Friday . . . these beers aren’t gonna drink themselves.)

The biggest takeaway here is . . . it takes MORE ice than you would’ve thought to keep your drinks cold. If you have 36 beers in a bucket, make sure there’s also room for at LEAST 20 pounds of ice.

YOU’RE YOUNG!

AGING

Ignore your sore back, your thinning hair, and all those gray pubes. You’re totally still young! Some random doctor even says so.

Dr. Sergei Scherbov runs an institute in Austria that studies aging, and he says middle age lasts WAY longer than you think.

Quote, “Two hundred years ago, a 60-year-old would be a very old person. Someone who is 60 today, I would argue is middle aged.”

His definition of “old” is when you probably have less than 15 years left . . . and a few generations ago, that was true when you were 65. Now that we live so much longer, he says you don’t get “old” until you hit 74.

HOLLYWOLF REPORT

EVA MENDES’ body double on “2 Fast 2 Furious” says she was hooking up with both PAUL WALKER and TYRESE. And when they realized they were both hitting it, they were cool. In fact, that’s when they started bonding.

 

 

Taylor Swift, Kanye West, and Kim Kardashian have all made “Time” magazine’s 100 Most Influential People list.  More surprising is the news that “Time” magazine’s editorial staff consists of 13-year-old girls.

 

 

 

Believe it or not, Amazon.com still sells VHS tapes. And their top sellers include the original “Star Wars” trilogy, Disney movies like “Beauty and the Beast”, “Aladdin”, and “The Lion King”, and of course, the Kung Fu epic “Sidekicks”, starring CHUCK NORRIS and JOE PISCOPO.

 

Conan O’Brien turns 52 tomorrow. When he blows out his candles, he’ll wish for the same thing he does every year: A slow and painful death for Jay Leno.

 

 

 

Richard Branson Was a Human Bowling Ball at a Chicago Bulls Game

Richard Branson was at a Bulls game in Chicago Wednesday night, and got pulled out of the crowd by the mascot to be a human BOWLING BALL.

It was during a stunt they do where someone sits in a chair with wheels, and gets rolled across the court at a bunch of five-foot-tall bowling pins. He only managed to knock down two though.

(Search for “Benny Bowling with Richard Branson.” He starts at 1:42.)

SPORTS SHORTS…

 

People have been calling baseball “America’s pastime” since 1856. But now, its 150-year run appears to be over.

According to a new Bloomberg poll, 67% of Americans say FOOTBALL is now the national pastime. Only 28% still say it’s baseball, and the remaining 5% are “not sure.”

The only two options were baseball and football, but that’s fair. You don’t think soccer, hockey, or even basketball could unseat the NFL, do you? Although it would have been interesting to see how these three stacked up to baseball.

(Let’s be honest, football has been America’s favorite sport for a while now. Baseball can try to “fix” itself as much as it wants, and some of the changes are good, but mostly it just needs to embrace what it is . . . the history, the ballpark experience, the pennant races, and so on.)

New England Patriots coach Bill Belichick turned 63 yesterday. His party was great, he had a big cake and lots of underinflated balloons.

The Pats Are On The Brink of Elimination

WHL

 

Tanner Kaspick scored 3;36 into overtime as Brandon pushed the Regina Pats to the brink of elimination with a 3-2 Game 4 win in their second-round playoff series. Brandon is now up 3-1 in the best of 7. The Pats got goals from Colby Williams and Connor Hobbs in a losing cause.

 

Jordy Stallard scored 7;22 into overtime as the Calgary Hitmen edged the Medicine Hat Tigers 2-1 on Wednesday to extend their lead in their second-round Western Hockey League playoff series. Calgary is up 3-1 in the series..

 

 

TAXES

THE TOP REASONS YOU HAVEN’T FINISHED YOUR TAXES

 

 

You refuse to fund a country that gave the world Justin Bieber.

 

 

You just ate your pen.  PCP does funny things!

 

 

You’re unsure if you can list a sex doll as a “dependent.”

 

 

Dude, you TOTALLY just paid your taxes, like, a year ago!

 

 

You have to start over because your tears smeared the ink on your T-4 slip.

 

 

You’re Bruce Jenner and your tax program won’t let you pick both genders.

 

 

GONE VIRAL

 

A Puppet on a Tiny Drum Set Plays Along to “Tom Sawyer” by Rush

 

Would you like to watch a puppet play tiny tin can drums to “Tom Sawyer” by RUSH?  Of course you would.  It syncs up perfectly with Neil Peart, who a lot of people consider to be the best rock drummer EVER.  (Search for “Chops Sawyer by Ricky Syers.”  Don’t miss the drum fills that start at 2:37.)

 

 

A Guy Does Impressions of 20 Robin Williams Characters

 

 

A video of a guy impersonating Robin Williams is making the rounds online.  He does 20 different characters, including Mork and Mrs. Doubtfire, and they’re all spot on.  He also kind of looks like him.  (Search for “Never Had a Friend Like Him.”)

 

 

A Team of Rowers Gets Attacked by Fish

 

 

A freshman rowing team at the Washington University in St. Louis got attacked by hundreds of FISH on Friday.  They were practicing in a river when dozens of Asian carp started jumping out of the water and into their boat.

 

 

The video is pretty crazy, but no one got hurt.  The guy who filmed it says the same thing happened two years ago.

(Search for “Rowers Attacked By Flying Asian Carp 2015.”  It starts to get nuts around the 40-second mark.  Warning:  S-words at 2:06 and 2:38.)

 

HOLLYWOLF REPORT….

 

Sexy Pictures of Famous People 

 

 

Bikinis still work on 53-year-old HEATHER LOCKLEAR.  Unfortunately, RICHIE SAMBORA and shirtlessness are NOT a perfect match.

 

 

 

It feels like it’s been way too long since we’ve seen KATY PERRY’s cleavage.

 

 

 

When JASON STATHAM was YOUNG AND NEEDED THE MONEY, he got all oiled up and danced in leopard-print briefs in an early ’90s video called “Comin’ On” by THE SHAMEN.

 

 

Around that same time, was also in an ERASURE video called Run to the Sun . . . in grey body paint.

 

 

 

 

SOFIA VERGARA’s ex-fiancé Nick Loeb is suing her for the right to have a child from one of the fertilized eggs they had frozen when they were still together.  Sofia’s friends say he only wants to have a kid with her so he can get child support.  Sofia is engaged to JOE MANGANIELLO now

 

 

 

Here’s the First Teaser for “Batman v. Superman:  Dawn of Justice” 

 

 

The first trailer for “Batman v. Superman:  Dawn of Justice” will be screened at select IMAX theaters on Monday.  A teaser hit the Internet yesterday, but unfortunately, it gives us NOTHING except a quick look at the Batman and Superman suits.  The whole thing is only 21 seconds long.

 

 

The movie is still a year away.  It hits theaters on March 25th, 2016.

 

 

 

ROCK NEWS….

 

 

DEF LEPPARD is working on their first album in seven years . . . and for the first time, it’ll feature lead vocals from all five members.  Why?  Well, why not?  VIVIAN CAMPBELL says, quote, “We could go year after year playing our hits.  A record for us is kind of a loss leader.  [It’s] something we do for us.”

 

 

 

Former BLACK SABBATH drummer BILL WARD says he’d consider reuniting with the band . . . but only if OZZY OSBOURNE apologized to him publicly, and he was presented a fair contract.  However, he added that he had, quote, “little to no expectations of this happening.” (Regardless of whatever bad blood there was, Ozzy should just stand up . . . apologize, and make it right financially.  Nobody’s starving here.  Just share the damn money and let’s get the PROPER Sabbath reunion everybody wants before it’s too late.)

 

 

 

GISELE BUNDCHEN is officially retired from the catwalk.  She did her last fashion show in Brazil yesterday.  TOM BRADY was there.

 

 

GWYNETH PALTROW may have already broken her pledge to live on $29 dollars this week.  She was spotted at an $80-a-plate dinner

 

 

ANDY DICK is back in rehab for the 13th time.  Rehab is for quitters!

 

 

Today would have been Charlie Chaplin’s birthday.  He became a global icon without even having to speak.  Kind of like Kate Upton.

 

 

Next month’s “Playboy” will feature never-before-seen nudes of Madonna:

 

. . . Can’t wait that long?  You can.  Trust me.

 

WIN THE DAY!