Monthly Archives: March 2015

ALL LIT UP AGAIN!

48 years ago . . . In 1967, JIMI HENDRIX set his guitar on fire for the first time during a concert in London. (Years later, people would wish that all of NICKELBACK guitars caught on fire. But for an entirely different reason.)

SPEAKING OF MUSIC….

Someone made a March Madness-style bracket to determine, quote, “The MOST ’90s Band of All Time.”

After two weeks and six rounds of voting, the GIN BLOSSOMS came out on top. They beat out the SPICE GIRLS in the finals by taking 58% of the vote. Just like in the NCAA tournament, they started with a field of 64.

Joining the Gin Blossoms and the Spice Girls in the “Elite Eight” were: The Smashing Pumpkins, Hootie and the Blowfish, Stone Temple Pilots, Boyz II Men, TLC, and ‘N Sync.

Boyz II Men beat out TLC to get into the Final Four . . . Hootie took out STP . . . ‘N Sync ran into the Spice Girls . . . and the Gin Blossoms took out the Pumpkins.

The seeding was a little rough, because some deserving groups couldn’t even get out of the first round. Those included: Live, Bush, and Soul Asylum. For what it’s worth, the Gin Blossoms had a #1 seed.

HOLLYWOLF REPORT….

An editor at Playboy.com discovered that there used to be secret underground tunnels directly to the Playboy Mansion from the homes of Jack Nicholson, James Caan, Warren Beatty, and Kirk Douglas. They were built sometime in the ’70s, but were closed in 1989.

When MARIAH CAREY wears a bikini top, we all win.

And by the way . . . maybe Mariah’s cuddling with BRETT RATNER really WAS innocent. Because Brett was spotted kissing another woman on the same yacht on Sunday.

KALEY CUOCO showed off some abs and cleavage after a workout.

If a shirtless DAVE GROHL is your thing, have at it.

Megan Fox said it’s a misconception that she’s “not very smart.” But then went home and had sex with Brian Austin Green, and proved the point.

Beyoncé reunited with her former Destiny’s Child bandmates. Who says she never does any charity work?

You can’t bring a selfie stick to Coachella or Lollapalooza. But you’re encouraged to bring them to the Annual Annoying Narcissist Music Fest.

BALLSY’S SPORTS SHORTS….

 

If the winner in Shell Houston Open is not already in the field, the Masters will have at least 100 players for the first time since 1966 — pending the status of players such as Tiger Woods, Kevin Stadler, Graeme McDowell, Brooks Koepka and Steve Stricker.

Woods has not played since withdrawing from the Farmers Insurance Open on Feb. 5 with back stiffness and subsequently said he’d be taking time off to work on his game. Tiger is said to be crying hot shameful tears, laying on pile of money and Denny’s waitresses.

 

Cleveland Browns General Manager Ray Farmer will be suspended the first four games next season for texting team personnel on the sideline from the press box during games last year, the NFL announced Monday. How bad are you if you cheat and still suck? Farmer is just lucky he wasn’t caught taking a selfie.

 

 

Remember when you thought it was odd that there was actual cheering for the Atlanta Falcons last year? Yeah, about that. The Falcons were found guilty of piping sound into the stadium. They’ll be fined and lose a draft pick.

 

 

A Great Weekend If You’re a Pat

The Regina Pats have a 2 games to none lead in their best of 7 first round playoff series. The Pats downed the Broncos 4-2 and 3-2 at the Brandt Centre this weekend. Game 3 is tomorrow night in Swift Current on 620 CKRM. People said I was nuts when I predicted the Pats in 5 but I’m staying with that prediction.

 

pat cs

Saturday night I was in North Battleford to watch the Regina Pat Canadians win their first SMAAAHL title since 1999. Owen Sillinger, who was the best skater that night, had the game winner. I say skater because Stars goalie Brett Pongracz was the best player on both teams. Pongracz was the only reason that was a 2-1 hockey game. Congrats to the Pat C’s and good luck at the Western’s in Dauphin, Manitoba.

 

Wrestlemania 31. A True Spectacle

 

 

Here’s a quick rundown of Wrestlemania 31:

 

 

In the big WWE Championship match between Brock Lesnar and Roman Reigns, the winner was . . . Seth Rollins.

 

 

Seth had lost to Randy Orton earlier in the night, but he also had the Money in the Bank briefcase . . . something that grants its holder one title match ANY TIME HE WANTS IT.

 

 

So Rollins cashed it in DURING the Lesnar / Reigns match, turning it into a three-way match.  Since Lesnar and Reigns had pretty much already beaten the hell out of each other by then, Rollins was able to pick off Reigns pretty easily for the belt.

 

 

The Sting vs. Triple H match was disappointing, because Triple H won, which should NOT have happened.  Still, the match had some GREAT surprise appearances.  (And Triple H’s entrance had a “Terminator” theme.)

 

 

 

 

Triple H’s old crew, Degeneration X, interfered on his behalf.  But then the NWO . . . Hulk Hogan, Scott Hall and Kevin Nash, came out to defend Sting.  In the end, Triple H knocked Sting out with a sledgehammer to win.  But they shook hands after the match.

 

 

Triple H got his later in the show, though, when he and his wife Stephanie McMahon came out to gloat, and were interrupted by The Rock, who made a surprise appearance to lay the smack down.

 

 

He even brought UFC women’s champ Ronda Rousey into the ring.  She flipped Triple H and put Stephanie in a standing armbar.

 

 

The Undertaker got back on track by beating Bray Wyatt . . . after being dealt his first-ever Wrestlemania loss by Brock Lesnar last year.

 

 

John Cena defeated Rusev for the U.S. Title

 

 

Daniel Bryan defeated several other men in a ladder match for the Intercontinental Title.

 

 

In the Divas match, Paige and A.J. Lee beat the Bellas.

 

 

There were two pre-show matches before the pay-per-view started.  Tyson Kidd and Cesaro retained their Tag Team Titles in a four-team match . . . and The Big Show won the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal.

 

BACK IN THE DAY…..

157 years ago . . . In 1858, Philadelphia genius HYMAN LIPMAN patented the FIRST PENCIL WITH AN ERASER, even though his name was IDEAL for a career in porn.  (???)  The average pencil can write a continuous line 56.3 KM long.  (True.)

 

HOLLYWOLF REPORT

 

 

 

According to this LISA RINNA bikini pic, 51 is the new “You’d hit that.”

 

 

 

NICKI MINAJ posted a series of pictures of herself using her alleged boyfriend MEEK MILL as a jungle gym on Instagram.

 

 

 

 

As if the Caribbean weren’t heavenly enough already . . . JESSICA ALBA and CHRISSY TEIGEN hung out at the beach together in bikinis.

 

 

 

After all these years of marriage, WILL still reaches around for a handful of buttcheek when he kisses JADA.

 

 

This was at an event called Black Girls Rock, where Will also reunited with “Fresh Prince” minx TATYANA ALI.

 

 

 

In this picture of DEMI LOVATO, women will notice the puppy first.  Men will not.

 

 

 

 

 

 

An 84-year-old woman one a car on “The Price is Right” by sinking a putt with a technique that’s actually illegal in REAL golf.  (Full Story)

 

 

(Drew Carey demonstrated how to do it and also made the putt on his first shot.  You can check that out here.  Skip to the 4:00 mark.)

 

 

Eric Clapton turns 70 today.  He’s the only person in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame three times.  Although Ringo Starr may catch up.  He’s already in as a Beatle . . . he’s about to go in as a solo artist . . . and eventually they’ll probably induct him for not joining Paul McCartney and Wings.

 

 

The next “Friday the 13th” movie will explain why Jason can’t die.  Spoiler alert:  It happens at the end of the movie when he takes off his mask and reveals that he’s Keith Richards.

 

 

Paris Hilton says she’s responsible for starting reality television.  And that was today’s answer to:  “What does reality television have in common with the herpes epidemic?”

 

 

 

Donald Trump is launching a fragrance.  First real estate.  Then casinos.  Now this?  Is there anything he can’t fail at

 

 

 

GONE VIRAL

 

A Weatherman Realizes There’s Still a Coat Hanger in His Suit

 

 

A weatherman in Minneapolis named Steve Frazier was on the air over the weekend, and realized he put his suit coat on without taking the HANGER out.

 

 

He yanked it out and tossed it on the desk, and both anchors cracked up.  Then he said he thought his suit felt a little tight, but didn’t know why.  (Or he set it up so he’d go viral on YouTube, which is always a possibility now.)

 

 

(Search for “Meteorologist Leaves Hanger in his Suit.”  He takes it out at :12, and explains himself at :39.)

 

 

 

.  A Guy Was Caught on Camera Relieving Himself at a Golf Tournament

 

 

A golfer named Richie Ramsay hit a drive at a tournament in Morocco yesterday, and landed right of the 17th fairway . . . right next to a guy who had his back turned because he was RELIEVING HIMSELF in some bushes.

 

 

You couldn’t see anything, and the announcers didn’t mention it.  But they cut away, then cut back when he was zipping up.

 

 

(Search for “Never Mind the Man Who Appears to Be Urinating Next to the Fairway.”  It cuts back to him at :38. 

 

WIN THE DAY! BALLSY

 

 

 

 

Michael Jackon Breaks Up GnR

A former manager for GUNS N’ ROSES claims the rift between SLASH and AXL ROSE was caused by MICHAEL JACKSON.  Supposedly Axl got mad that Slash worked with him, because HE’D been molested as a child.  But the guy’s story is probably bogus.

 

 

GONE VIRAL

 

 

1.  A Weatherman Said That If You Have a Telescope, “Uranus Is Visible”

 

 

A weatherman in Boston named Pete Bouchard was talking about how Mars and Venus were visible the other night.

 

 

And now the video is going viral, because he also mentioned another planet.  He said that if you, quote, “have a telescope, URANUS is visible too.”  (Search for “Ur-Anus Visible Tonight – WHDH 7 News Weather Blooper.”  He says it at :58.)

 

 

 

2.  A Drone That Looks Like an Imperial Destroyer from “Star Wars”

 

 

The guy who built drones that look like the Millennium Falcon and a Tie Fighter from “Star Wars” just did another one.  It’s a replica of an Imperial Star Destroyer . . . which are the really long ships.  (Search for “RC Imperial Star Destroyer.”)

 

 

 

 

3.  Check out a 77-Year-Old Congresswoman Who Sucks at Parking

 

 

Eleanor Holmes Norton is a 77-year-old congresswoman who represents Washington D.C.  And I don’t want to stereotype anyone here . . . but she’s a TERRIBLE driver.

 

 

There’s a video of her trying to park her car in an angled parking spot on Wednesday.  And for some reason she didn’t park at an angle . . . she went straight in.

 

 

You can’t tell from the video, but she bumped another car a few times.  It’s not clear if she scratched it or not.  But according to her staff, she did go back and leave a note.  (Search for “Congresswoman Demonstrates Worst Parking Job Ever.”)

 

 

 

 

Here We Go!

pats

 

 

The Regina Pats (37-24-5-6) and Swift Current Broncos (34-33-1-4) open their Easter Conference Quarter-Final matchup at the Brandt Centre (7 p.m.) tonight.  The Pats held a 3-5-0-0 regular season record against the Broncos, but won the final meeting between the teams by a 4-1 score in Swift Current.  Jesse Gabrielle led the Pats with seven points (3G, 4A) in seven games split between his time with Brandon and Regina.  Swift Currents Jake DeBrusk led all skaters with 12 points (5G, 7A) in eight games versus Regina.  Tune into tonight’s game on 620 CKRM starting at 6:35 p.m.

Brooks Wins Scoring Race Adam Brooks capped off winning the Pats’ scoring title in style by scoring his 30th goal of the season.  It’s the first time the forward has reached both the 30 goal and 60 point plateaus after 23 points over his first two WHL seasons.  Brooks finished with 62 points (30G, 32A) on the season and was also named the Pats Most Sportsmanlike Player.

Paddock Nominated Sr. VP of Hockey Operations and Head Coach John Paddock is the Eastern Conference nominee for WHL Coach of the Year.  He led the team to a 22-12-2-0 record through the first half of the season.  The team finished second in the eastern conference, 37-24-5-6.  This was Coach Paddock’s first time in junior hockey since he played for the Brandon Wheat Kings in 1973-74.

Williams an All-Star The accolades continue to pour in for Pats defenceman Colby Williams.  At the Pats’ final home game of the regular season, Williams was honoured as the team’s Player and Defenceman of the Year.  Wednesday saw the Regina, SK native recognized by the WHL being named to the Eastern Conference Second All-Star Team.

Regular Season Team Comparison Regina Swift Current
Record 37-24-5-6 34-33-1-4
Head-to-Head Record 3-5-0-0 5-2-0-1
Goals For/Against 263/238 (+25) 221/245 (-24)
Powerplay 15.3% (47/308) 21.9% (58/265)
Penalty Kill 80.3% (252/314) 81.2% (199/245)
Shorthanded Goals (For/Against) 19/8 2/9
Team Save Percentage 0.903 0.908
Leading Scorer Brooks (30-32-62) DeBrusk (42-39-81)
Leading Scorer (Defence) Williams (11-30-41) Lernout (14-28-42)
Number of 20+ Goal Scorers 7 3
Average Age 17.5 yrs 18.2 yrs
Record When Leading After 2nd 23-0-0-2 25-0-0-1
Record When Trailing After 2nd 7-22-3-1 (18 pts) 3-30-0-1 (7 pts)

 

Upcoming ScheduleGame Two vs. Swift Current – Saturday, March 27, 7:00 p.m. – Brandt Centre (CKRM) Game Three at Swift Current – Tuesday, March 31, 7:00 p.m. – Credit Union Iplex (CKRM/Access7) Game Four at Swift Current – Wednesday, April 1, 7:00 p.m. – Credit Union Iplex (CKRM/Access7)

 

 

 

TINKERING WITH THE RULES

cfl free agency

The CFL is considering a number of rule changes. The league is looking at moving the single point convert from 12 yards to 32 yards.   CFL GMs are also proposing two point convert attempts be scrimmaged from the three yard line rather than the five. They’re also tinkering with the no yards rule. I think that rule is the worst one in the book. No yards should be called if the punt returner catches the ball in the air. However, if the ball hits the ground no yards is off. The league shouldn’t be concerned with rules, but they should worry about developing quarterbacks.

 

 

 

DREW WILLY

 

Speaking of quality quarterbacks, news out of Winnipeg indicates former Rider pivot Drew Willy wants his current contract negotiated to put him up in the salary category with the likes of Darian Durant, Ricky Ray and Henry Burris. The one difference is Durant, Burris Ray have won a Grey Cup. However, the lack of quality at that position league wide will help Willy’s leverage.

 

 

OTHER  SPORTS SHORTS…

 

In case you didn’t know, there’s a stereotype that Japanese men are OBSESSED with used women’s underwear.  But this story proves that stereotype is . . . ABSOLUTELY TRUE.

 

 

37-year-old Yukihito Nakanishi of Kyoto, Japan is a former pitcher in the Nippon Professional Baseball league.  And apparently, he loves women’s underwear . . . and not necessarily YOUNG women’s either.

 

 

Yukihito was in his apartment back in January, and was using his FISHING POLE to try to snag his 56-YEAR-OLD neighbor’s underwear off her clothesline.

 

 

He got caught in the act . . . and the police arrested him for attempted robbery.

 

 

He says he’s innocent and, quote, “using the rod was accidental” . . . whatever that means.

 

 

New England Patriots head coach Bill Belichick is upset that the NFL won’t adapt his proposal to have cameras for every boundary line on the field.  Ironically, it’s now Belichick who looks “deflated

 

 

A Basketball Player Called a Reporter “Beautiful,” and Didn’t Realize His Microphone Picked It Up

 

 

A basketball player for the University of Wisconsin named Nigel Hayes was part of a team press conference on Wednesday, and whispered to one of his teammates about how BEAUTIFUL one of the stenographers was.

 

 

But he didn’t realize his microphone could pick him up.  Or maybe he DID realize, because he also joked around with a different stenographer last weekend, and tried to mess her with her by using big words.

 

 

(Apparently the woman on the right in this video is the “beautiful” one he was talking about.  Search for “Wisconsin Basketball Player Has Embarrassing Moment.”  He says it at :18.)

 

 

 

NBC Is Doing a “Coach” Sequel, and Craig T. Nelson Is Coming Back 

 

COACH

 

NBC has ordered a 13-episode sequel to the ’90s sitcom “Coach”, and most importantly, CRAIG T. NELSON is coming back.

 

 

The new show will pick up 18 years later, and will have Craig’s character Hayden Fox coming out of retirement to be an assistant coach for his son, who’s grown up now, and is the new head coach at a college in Pennsylvania.

 

 

There’s no title or airdate for the new show yet . . . and it’s unclear whether any other former “Coach” stars will be back.  The original show ran for nine seasons on ABC, from 1989 to 1997.

 WIN THE DAY!

 

 

 

 

 

GOOD NEWS KIDS!

HOMEWORK

 

Good news . . . a bunch of psychologists are giving your kid permission to be as lazy as YOU are every night.

 

 

Researchers at the University of Oviedo in Spain tested the optimal amount of HOMEWORK a kid should do every night . . . and it turns out it’s not that much.

 

 

They found kids should work for about 60 minutes . . . maybe 70 minutes max.  That way they do the best work and get the most out of what they’re learning.

 

 

Once they go beyond that, it actually does more harm than good.  At 90 to 100 minutes, they lose focus and don’t retain what they’re studying . . . and they actually do WORSE on tests.

 

 

Stupid Photo of the Day #1:  A Sad Condom Receipt

 

 

There’s a photo circulating around from a gas station in Langhorne, Pennsylvania that represents PURE SADNESS.

 

 

It’s a receipt from a guy returning a $3.59 pack of Trojan ultra thin condoms.  He got his refund . . . and the clerk wrote his reason for returning them on the receipt.  Quote, “Date canceled on him.”  Tragic.  (Uproxx

 

 

 

Stupid Photo of the Day #2:  A College Brochure Shows a White Guy Winning a Race . . . and a Woman and a Black Guy Losing

 

 

The University of North Georgia recently released their catalog of classes, and used a stock photo of four people in suits running a race on a track.

 

 

But it just so happens the guy winning the race is WHITE, the guy in second place is white, the woman in third place is white, and trailing in fourth place is the black guy.  And the headline says, quote, “Success.” The school has stopped distributing the catalog. Who approves these ideas? Dummies!  Click below to see the photo.

(Atlanta Journal Constitution

 

 

 

BALLSY’S SPORTS SHORTS

BATTLEFORD STARS

 

The Regina Pat Canadians suffered their 1st loss this post season last night in North Battleford. The Stars, who led 2-0 and 3-2 at the intermission breaks, scored two empty netters to seal the 5-2  victory. The league final is now tied at 1 apiece and resumes tonight at 730 at the Co-operators. This series looks like it could go the distance.

 

 

The Indianapolis Colts proposed a rule change that would allow a nine-point scoring drive.  The Oakland Raiders also proposed a rule change where the team with the least amount of points, wins.

 

 

 

Danica Patrick turns 33 today.  She’ll leave for her birthday party at the same time as everyone else, but still get there last.

 

 

 

A Tennis Player Tried to Lift Her Trophy . . . But It Was Too Heavy

 

 

A tennis player from Romania named Simona Halep won a tournament in Palm Springs, California over the weekend.  And a video from her press conference is making the rounds because she couldn’t lift her TROPHY.

 

 

Apparently it’s made of solid glass.  The reporters knew how heavy it was, because one of them asked if she could lift it . . . and she looked at them like “OF COURSE I can.”  But then she couldn’t . . . or at least didn’t want to hurt herself trying.

 

 

(Search for “Halep Can’t Lift Trophy.”)

 

 

 

 

  An Outfielder Caught a Baseball After it Bounced Off Another Player’s Head

 

 

A high school baseball player in Mississippi dove for a ball in center field last week, and missed it.  But it hit him in the HEAD . . . bounced about 40 feet through the air . . . and the left fielder CAUGHT it.  Then he threw it to second base for a double play.

 

 

(Search for “Fly Ball Hits D’Iberville Outfielder on Head, Leads to Double Play.”)

 

BROCK

 

WWE champ BROCK LESNAR has a big title match against ROMAN REIGNS at Wrestlemania 31 this Sunday.  And a lot of people were expecting him to drop the title to Reigns, then leave wrestling for another run in the UFC.

 

 

But whether or not he loses on Sunday, he’s not going anywhere.  Brock announced on ESPN yesterday that he’s THROUGH with mixed martial arts, and he has officially re-signed with the WWE.

 

 

He said it was a hard decision, but, quote, “I’m an older caveman now.  I make wiser caveman decisions.  So, I’m here to say my legacy in the Octagon is over.”

 

 

He also said the WWE made him an offer he can’t refuse, and he makes full-time money for PART-TIME work.  (Here’s a clip from his interview.)

 

 

Brock is 37 years old.  He first wrestled for the WWE from 2000 to 2005.  After a failed attempt to make the NFL, he joined the UFC in 2007, where he went 5 and 3 and won the heavyweight championship.  He was also sidelined twice with intestinal issues.

 

 

He returned to the WWE in 2012.  Last year, he broke THE UNDERTAKER’s streak of 20 straight Wrestlemania victories, then won the WWE championship from JOHN CENA.

 

 

 

 

Michigan football coach JIM HARBAUGH doesn’t think he’s worth what the school is paying him.

 

 

 

Watch some New York Yankees recreate a scene from “The Sandlot”.

 

 

 

Twelve of the 50 highest-scoring players in NBA history hit either zero or one three-pointers in their entire careers.  That includes Kareem Abdul-Jabbar and Shaquille O’Neal who both hit one, and Wilt Chamberlain who hit zero.

 

 

GONE VIRAL 

 

A Guy and His Daughter Made a Lego Version of “Jurassic Park”

 

 

Back in December, an animator named Paul Hollingsworth started working on a Lego version of “Jurassic Park” with his daughter, who looks like she’s about 10.

 

 

Now the three-minute finished product is on YouTube, and the production value is just about as good as the “Lego Movie”.  They claim they used $100,000 worth of Legos to make it.  (Search for “Lego Jurassic Park.”)

 

 

 

5.  A Sleeping Dog Falls Off a Couch . . . and Just Keeps Sleeping

 

 

A video of a sleeping dog falling off a couch is making the rounds online, because it hits its head on the floor pretty hard . . . but just keeps on sleeping.

 

 

The guy who posted it says the dog was fine, and it does finally wake up when he starts petting it near the end of the video.  (Search for “Apollo Falling Off the Couch.”  It happens at :08.)

 

WIN THE DAY!

 

 

 

This Dog Should Be Signed By The Bombers

And Now . . . a Dog That’s Terrible at Catching Food

 

 

Someone posted a montage of their golden retriever trying to catch food they throw to him . . . because he’s TERRIBLE at it.  It’s in slow motion, and almost everything they throw either hits him in the chest or the face.

 

 

(Search for “Fritz Learns to Catch Compilation.”)

 

 

Stories Chad Missed….

 

guy in New York heard his co-workers at Home Depot talking about the terrorist group ISIS earlier this month, so he showed them his ‘ISIS’ tattoo.  And even though it’s his ex-girlfriend’s NAME, he was promptly FIRED.  His bosses say there were multiple reasons.

 

 

 

Scientists say billions of dollars’ worth of precious metals could be extracted from human feces every year:

 

. . . So take that, Kim Kardashian . . . MY ass is worth money, too!

 

 

Researchers say North America’s largest land animal will soon be migrating to the Alaskan wilderness.  Well, we’re sure gonna miss you, Kevin James

 

 

 

Yesterday was National Puppy Day.  I love puppies . . . especially Kate Upton’s!

 

 

A Good Day For a Pair of Regina Rams

BRANNING

 

The CFL held its first of three regional combines Monday in Edmonton and it was a pretty good day for a pair of U of R Rams.  D-B Kahlen Branning, a Moose Jaw native, ran the fastest 40-yard dash with a time of 4.55 seconds and the second highest vertical jump of 38”. For his efforts,  Branning was invited to attend the CFL National Combine  in Toronto this coming weekend.  Offensive Lineman Aaron Picton was also impressive yesterday as he had the strongest bench press. Branning will join fellow Rams teammates Tevaughn Campbell and Addison Richards at the combine.

 

SPORTS SHORTS….

 

There are six NCAA sports where you either get a full scholarship or nothing . . . they aren’t allowed to give partial scholarships:  Football, men’s and women’s basketball, women’s gymnastics, women’s volleyball, and women’s tennis.

 

 

Lance Armstrong wants to be reinstated into the sport of cycling.  After all he’s done?  That takes BALL.

 

 

One NFL owner said he thinks Los Angeles could get an NFL team by next year.  Or the Oakland Raiders could move there

 

 

According to MY bracket, it’s already March SADNESS

 

 

THE CYBER SPOTLIGHT

 

 

1 Actors Everyone Recognizes . . . But No One Knows Their Name

 

 

There’s a YouTube channel called No Small Parts that hasn’t really taken off yet, but it’s a cool idea.

 

 

Every month or so, they post a new 20 to 30-minute documentary about an actor you recognize . . . but don’t know their name.  In other words, they’re all character actors you’ve seen in a ton of stuff, but they’re not really “famous.”

 

 

Episode one is about Anne Ramsey . . . the old woman from “The Goonies” who was also in “Throw Mama from the Train” and a bunch of TV shows.

 

 

Episode two is about Vincent Schiavelli . . . the angry guy who teaches Patrick Swayze how to move stuff with his mind in the movie “Ghost”.  He also has 156 other acting credits on IMDB.  (His name is pronounced “She-uh-vell-ee.”)

 

 

They’ve also done episodes on Scatman Crothers, the black guy from “The Shining” . . . and Warwick Davis from “Willow”, who also played the main Ewok in “Return of the Jedi”.

 

 

(Warwick IS kind of famous now though, because of his HBO show “Life’s Too Short.”)

 

 

 

 

 

 

A video of a three-year-old girl finding out she’ll be a big sister is going viral, because her response isn’t what you’re expecting.

 

 

She leans into her dad after he tells her . . . and whispers that she just let one RIP.  Then the dad can’t stop laughing about it.

 

 

(Search for “Little Girl Reacts to News She’s Going to Be a Big Sister.”  She says it at :14.)

 

 

 

2.  And Now . . . a Dog That’s Terrible at Catching Food

 

 

Someone posted a montage of their golden retriever trying to catch food they throw to him . . . because he’s TERRIBLE at it.  It’s in slow motion, and almost everything they throw either hits him in the chest or the face.

 

 

(Search for “Fritz Learns to Catch Compilation.”)

 

 

 

ARE YOU GERMAN? I FOUND YOU A JOB….

 

This could be your dream job, bro . . . if you’re the kind of single dude who thinks of ‘dream job’ as ‘guy who oils up Hawaiian Tropics models,’ or ‘photographer for ‘Juggs’.

 

 

A company in Germany is looking to hire a new BROTHEL TESTER.  Prostitution is legal and regulated in Germany, so it’s all legit.  You’ll get paid to visit the company’s brothels in Germany, China, and Spain, and have sex with their 120 prostitutes.

 

 

Your job is quality control, so you report back on value, safe sex practices, and cleanliness.  We assume that means cleanliness of the brothels, not the ladies, but you never know.

 

 

The company is looking for someone with a college degree . . . preferably in business . . . and someone who’s fluent in German, and possibly multilingual.  Oh, and, quote, “practical experience with many years of brothel visits necessary.”

 

 

Applications are due by the 31st.  There’s no starting salary listed, but who cares, right?

 

 

In related news, YOU  just picked up the book, “Learn German in 48 Hours”.

 

 

 

 

 

THESE SOUNDS DRIVE ME NUTS!

 

Here’s MY top five!

5. Knuckle cracking
4. Nail clipping
3. Nose sniffling
2. carrot chewing
1. soup slurping

 

WIN THE DAY!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Undertaker is 53.  Rasslin’ superstar.  Real Name:  Mark Calaway.  He basically only wrestles once a year these days, at Wrestlemania.  He’ll be back for this year’s on Sunday, against a young wrestler named Bray Wyatt.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Great Night In Rural Saskatchewan

hazenmore

 

I had the pleasure of spending my Saturday night in southwest Saskatchewan in the small town of Hazenmore. The passion of Rider fans in these small communities amazes me. Weston Dressler, Scott Schultz and Don Narcisse had the crowd of 200 laughing all night.  Many of the fans expressed to me their appreciation for our Rider coverage on 620 CKRM. One of the loudest ovations came when I told them we are expanding our pregame show to 3 hours! Thanks to SWT for sponsoring the event and thanks to the great people of Hazenmore and Kincaid for having me in your community. And the banquet circuit continues for me this weekend as I head to Plenty, Saskatchewan with Neal Hughes and Chris Getzlaf.

 

SPORTS SHORTS….

 

STEVE NASH has announced his retirement.

 

 

In the NCAA Tournament, Villanova got upset . . . then their piccolo player got REALLY upset.

 

 

21 years ago . . . In 1994, “The Great One”, WAYNE GRETZKY, broke GORDIE HOWE’S NHL career record with his 802nd goal.

 

A Fan Tried to Catch a Home Run Ball with His Visor

 

 

I know we only care about college basketball right now, but the baseball teams for LSU and the University of Arkansas faced off last Thursday, and a video from the game went viral over the weekend.

 

 

LSU hit a home run, and a fan held out his hat to catch the ball.  But it wasn’t a baseball hat . . . it was a VISOR.  Unfortunately the ball didn’t go THROUGH the visor . . . the guy missed it.

 

 

(Search for “Arkansas Bro Tries to Catch Home Run Ball in His Visor.”  It shows a replay at :22.)

 

 

BETTER GET SOME SLEEP!

 

There’s one factor above EVERYTHING else that decides whether you’re going to have sex today.  It’s not how good you look, whether you changed the sheets, how nice you smell, or even if you’re bumping some hot R. Kelly jamz.

 

 

Nope . . . all that matters is that she isn’t tired.

 

 

A new study out of the University of Michigan found that for every extra hour of sleep a woman gets, her chances of having sex the next day go up 14%.

 

 

So if your wife usually sleeps seven hours a night but got 10 yesterday, your chances of getting-it-on today are 42% higher.

 

 

The researchers say that sleeping might not be the ONLY magical cure for a couple’s sex problems . . . but it could be a BIG factor in helping them.  My wife apparently has had insomnia since our wedding night….

 

ROCK NEWS….

 

Once a band gets so big, it seems like they can make money on ANYTHING . . . but that’s not the case.

 

 

The authors of a recent book called “Into the Black: The Inside Story of Metallica” claim Metallica has lost a lot of money over the past five years with, quote, “a variety of vanity projects that haven’t exactly brought home the bacon.”

 

 

That includes their Orion Festival and their “Through the Never” movie.  The movie made just under $8 million worldwide.

 

 

Quote, “By their own admission, the two stagings of the Orion festival were disastrous financially, and the shambles that was the ‘Through The Never’ movie cost $32 million and will only recoup a fraction of that amount . . .

 

 

“[If you] factor in staff salaries, crew retainers, and assorted running costs associated with maintaining an entertainment corporation, you can understand why the band . . . of necessity now rather than by choice . . . are driven to tour.”

 

 

Even if it IS true, and these side projects had Metallica hemorrhaging money . . . they’re fine.  It isn’t like they’re going to have to shut it down because they can no longer afford to keep going.  This is Metallica.  Not RadioShack.

 

GUYS LISTEN UP!

 

new survey polled guys and found the top 10 things every man should know.  But don’t worry . . . it’s talking about modern men.  No one expects you to do things REAL men used to, like changing your own oil or rustling cattle.

 

 

Here are the top 10 things every man should know . . .

 

 

1.  His wedding anniversary.

 

2.  Basic home repairs.

 

3.  How to change a light bulb.

 

4.  How to tie a tie.

 

5.  How to read a map.

 

6.  His significant other’s favorite drink.

 

7.  How to iron a shirt.

 

8.  How to change a tire.

 

9.  How to shave.

 

10.  The right amount of aftershave or cologne to wear

 

WIN THE DAY

 

 

 

 

Do You Have to Drink Before Sex?

 

booze

Every relationship reaches a point where it’s hard to get excited about pouncing on the person lying next to you, and absolutely DEFILING them.  Sure, you love them . . . you’ve just been there, done that too many times.

 

 

Luckily it’s Friday and there’s BOOZE to help us all out.  Here are five stats from a new survey on drinking and sex.

 

 

1.  71% of people say they’ve turned to alcohol to help get them in the mood.

 

 

2.  33% say they do it “sometimes.”

 

 

3.  9% do it a lot.

 

 

4.  29% do it rarely.

 

 

5.  And 28% of people say they’ve NEVER had a drink before sex.

 

 

 

THE TOP REASONS YOU LOVE SPRING

 

 

Spring officially arrives today and that has lots of people excited.  Find out why they’re so pumped with this list of The Top Reasons You Love Spring.

 

 

We’ve only got 3 more snow storms till summer.

You get to retire the broken-down snow blower to the shed and start fighting with the broken-down lawnmower.

 

The flowers are in full bloom.  And so is your pot crop.

 

Once the weather warms up, you know it’s only a matter of time before you’re treated to sexy, shirtless photos of Vladimir Putin and Matt McConaughay

 

It’s time to break out your acid wash jean shorts!

 

 

Spring means baseball and baseball means you now have something to help you get to sleep.

 

 

RIDER ROYALTY HONOURED

hopson

 

 

- Jim Hopson’s reign as the Riders President and CEO officially came to an end with a retirement dinner last night in Regina. Several dignitaries were in attendance including Premier Brad Wall and CFL COO Michael Copeland. Hopson was definitely a driving force behind the Green Machine. Under his direction the Rider brand became among the most recognizable in pro sports! As new President Craig Reynolds joked, ” I sure wouldn’t want to be the guy replacing him!” Indeed Craig you have big shoes to fill. I look forward to seeing how you do? Jim enjoy your retirement you deserve it.

 

brad wall

–Brad Wall spoke last night, and man is he good!  Brad is a smooth, intelligent speaker that I could see running this country one day. Quite an accomplishment for an Oakland Raiders fan because usually they’re in jail.

 

SPORTS SHORTS….

 

If you’ve got a lot of coworkers out ‘sick’ right now, this could be why . . . 21% of men and 6% of women will consider skipping out on work to watch March Madness this year . . . 31% will skip the gym . . . and 10% will skip family time.

The fried food from the Texas state fair is heading to the Texas Rangers baseball stadium this year. A new stand will sell nothing but CRAZY fried food, like Oreos and marshmallows on a skewer . . . chicken-fried corn on the cob . . . and balls of brisket and macaroni and cheese.

 

 

 Georgia State’s Basketball Coach Fell Out of a Chair When His Son Hit a Game-Winning Shot

Ron Hunter is the coach for the Georgia State basketball team, and he tore his Achilles tendon last Sunday while he was celebrating their conference championship win. So he had to sit in a rolling chair for their March Madness game against Baylor yesterday.

But his son R.J. plays for the team, and won the game on a last-second three-pointer. So Ron started celebrating again . . . and fell OUT of his chair. Luckily he didn’t hurt himself again. (Search for “GSU vs. BAY: R. Hunter 3-Pt.” There’s a replay at :40.)

 

2. A Runner Collided with an Official at a Track Meet . . . and the Announcer Said She Got “Wham Sauced”

A runner at a high school track meet in New York collided with an official last weekend, and the video is going viral because the announcer may have coined a new phrase . . . by saying the official got, “wham sauced.” (???)

(Search for “Announcer Doesn’t Miss a Beat Wham Sauced.” It happens at 1:17. The whole phrase is even better, since the woman on the track was part of the “meet crew” . . . hence the line “he just wham sauced the meet crew.”)

WIN THE DAY!

MARCH MADNESS YES OR B-S!

march madness

 

It’s time for “Yes or B.S.”  We give you a statement, and you decide YES, it’s true . . . or NO, it’s total B.S.  The NCAA play-in games were last night, so the topic is March Madness.

 

 

  1.   An official NCAA men’s basketball weighs 2.8 pounds.

 

B.S.  They have to be between 20 and 22 ounces, which is about one-and-a-quarter pounds.

 

 

  1.   The term “March Madness” was originally used for high school basketball tournaments.

 

Yes:  A guy named H.V. Porter coined it in 1939.  It wasn’t associated with the college tournament until the 1980′s.

 

 

  1.   The team who wins the tournament also gets to keep the court . . . as in the actual hardwood floor.

 

Yes:  They have to pay for it, but they get first dibs and always buy it.  Then they either install it as their home court, or sell pieces of it to fans.

 

 

  1.   Except for the play-in games, a 16 seed has never won a March Madness game.

 

Yes:  They have to play a number one seed, so they always lose.  Two 16 seeds have come within one point of winning.

 

 

  1.   The most points a team has ever scored in a March Madness game is 149.

 

Yes:  Loyola Marymount beat Michigan 149 to 115 in the second round in 1990 . . . exactly 25 years ago today.

 

OTHER SPORTS SHORTS…

 

FLOYD MAYWEATHER spends up to $1,000 per meal from his personal chef.

 

TEBOW

Tim Tebow tried out for the Eagles.  He has experience throwing to Philadelphia players thanks to his time with the Denver Broncos.

 

BORLAND

After 24-year-old rookie Chris Borland retired due to fears over possible health problems, the NFL came out and said pro football has never been safer.  They noted that in the past 20 years, more people have been killed by O.J. Simpson than the NFL.

 

 

 

Mitt Romney will spar with Evander Holyfield for charity:

 

. . . The charity’s name?  Evander Holyfield.  . Romney’s strategy is to duck and hope Holyfield breaks his hand hitting his hair helmet. Probably because she works a little too well with others.

 

 

 

football

45 years ago . . . In 1970, the NFL selected WILSON to supply the league’s official football and scoreboards.  Decades later, Tom Hanks selected Wilson to be his only friend on a deserted island, and 15 years after that, Tom Brady selected a low-level team employee to deflate all the Wilson balls in his locker room.

 

 

30 years ago . . . In 1985, baseball commissioner Peter Ueberroth reinstated Hall of Fame stars MICKEY MANTLE and WILLIE MAYS.  They had been banned from baseball after accepting PR jobs with casinos.

 

IF IT SMELLS GET A NEW ONE!

 

There are different theories on how long you should go before you replace your mattress . . . five years, seven years, whatever.  But THIS isn’t a theory, it’s fact:  If it smells like a pile of dead raccoons, it’s time to replace it.

 

 

According to a new survey, it turns out VERY few people are in a hurry to replace their mattress.  Probably because they’re so expensive . . . and the people who sell them are annoying and shady.

 

 

The study found that 55% say they’ll get a new one once their current one loses its firmness . . .

 

 

16% will wait until they start having back pain because of it . . .

 

 

11% have no plans to replace it EVER.

 

 

And 7% of people won’t replace their current mattress until it develops a nasty SMELL.

 

 

In other words . . . only about one in 10 people will actually be proactive about replacing their mattress BEFORE something goes bad.

 

 

 

THE CYBER SPOTLIGHT

 

 

A Woman Is Posting Topless Cooking Lessons on YouTube

 

 

There’s a 24-year-old woman in Argentina who goes by the name ‘Chef Jenn.’  And she posts cooking lessons on YouTube where she’s TOPLESS.

 

 

She wears underwear, but keeps her chest covered by strategically holding up the ingredients she’s using.  Her channel is called “A Fuego Maximo“, which means “Maximum Fire” . . . and it’s sponsored by Doritos.

 

 

So far, she’s posted lessons on how to make pigs-in-a-blanket . . . a basic salad . . . and guacamole, which are all pretty simple.  So yeah . . . most people are watching for the hidden boobs.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  A Drunk Guy Tries to Ride Home from a Bar on a Skateboard

 

 

Hopefully you got a ride home after you hit the bars last night . . . unlike this guy.  There’s a video making the rounds of a drunk guy trying to ride his SKATEBOARD home from a bar.  And you think he’s gonna bite it, but there’s a surprise ending.

 

 

(He falls softly, then his skateboard rolls backward into traffic and gets run over.  Search for “Drunk Guy Tries to Skate Home from the Bar.”)

 

 

 

 

 

 

Check Out an Oddly Lighthearted PSA About STDs

 

 

An old PSA about STDs called VD Is For Everybody is making the rounds again.  It’s from the late ’60s or early ’70s, and it’s been online since at least 2006.

 

 

Apparently it was supposed to make people realize anyone can get an STD . . . but the way it’s done almost makes you WANT to get one.  (Note:  The YouTube description says it’s from 1969, but some people say it’s from 1973.)

 

 

 

A Baby Can’t Stop Laughing at Her Mom Eating Chips

 

 

Any video with a laughing baby seems to do well online.  And there’s a new one where a kid can’t stop laughing at the crunch sound of her mom eating chips.  (Search for “Baby Laughs at Her Mama Eating Chips.”)

 

 

 

Ten Hard Rockers Forgetting Lyrics

 

 

The hard rock website Loudwire.com posted a montage of ten singers forgetting the words to songs.

 

 

It’s got Peter Criss from KISS forgetting the words to “Beth” . . . Marilyn Manson forgetting the words to “Rock Is Dead” . . . and Aaron Lewis from Staind botching the National Anthem at the World Series last year.

 

 

(Search for “10 Rockers Forgetting Lyrics Onstage.” 

 

 

 

TIDBITS FROM AROUND THE WORLD

 

New York lifted its ban on cell phones in schools this month, and a 15-year-old is already in trouble for taking an up-skirt shot of his Spanish teacher.   But his mom says it’s the teacher’s fault for dressing too sexy.

 

 

A woman in India cancelled her wedding because her fiancé couldn’t add.  So sometimes being very dumb makes you very smart

 

 

Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu says if he’s reelected, there will be no Palestinian state.  The statement is reportedly part of a brilliant plan from Netanyahu . . . to get instantly killed by a suicide bomber.

 

 

Al Gore said we need to punish climate change deniers.  May I suggest making them watch “An Inconvenient Truth”?

 

WIN THE DAY!