Monthly Archives: February 2015

Try Your Moves At The Gym!

You’ve probably been told for YEARS not to hit on someone at the gym . . . they’re there to work out and don’t want you bothering them.  So here’s some info to make your single life even MORE confusing.

 

 

A new survey of 1,000 people found the gym is the BEST place to pick someone up.  69% of men and 64% of women say they’d be FLATTERED if someone hit on them while they were working out.  Who are the 31% of men who WOULDN’T be flattered?

 

 

The top 10 places to hit on someone are:  The gym . . . the dog park . . . at bars . . . online . . . at adult education classes . . . the grocery store . . . church . . . on vacation . . . at a house party . . . and museums.

 

 

We’re not sure what’s up with the adult education classes.  Maybe people exploring careers later in life also want to explore your nethers?

 

 

The WORST places to hit on someone are:  During SURGERY . . . at funeral parlors . . . and at work.

 

 

Check out a list of the five weirdest dating apps . . .

 

 

1.  On The Rebound analyzes your Facebook friends’ dating history, and tells you the best time to ask them out based on when they’re most likely to be “on the rebound.”

 

 

2.  Luxy describes itself as, “Tinder, minus the poor people.”  The idea is to connect wealthy and beautiful people.  According to the people behind it, their clientele includes CEOs, celebrities, athletes, and doctors.

 

 

3.  Carrot Dating.  We’ve heard of “sugar daddy” sites before, and this is similar . . . you literally BRIBE someone to go on a date with you.  Users list what they’d be willing to exchange for a date, and you decide whether or not it’s worth your time.

 

 

4.  Revealr doesn’t let you see a picture of someone until you listen to a 20-second clip of their VOICE.  If you like it, you swipe right.  Then you get a pixelated photo of them that only becomes clear if THEY’RE interested in YOU.

 

 

5.  Cuddlr connects you with other people looking to CUDDLE.  It gives you their name, photo, and past cuddling reviews of people near you.  And if you agree to cuddle, you can trade info, or pull up a MAP with directions to their place. 

 

 

PHOTO OF THE DAY:

 

Our society didn’t need a reason to get MORE divided, but this dress is doing it . . .

 

 

There’s a photo going around online that’s causing intense debate.  It surfaced a few days ago, and it just shows a dress . . . there’s nothing really special about it.

 

 

But some people see it as blue and black . . . and others see it as white and gold.  And when you look at it and find out which camp you fall into, you’ll have NO idea how ANYONE could see the other set of colors.

 

 

Then there are people who describe seeing it as blue and black in one place, then white and gold when they see the photo on a different site, or under different lighting.  So what’s going on?

 

 

One theory is that the cones and rods in your retinas cause some people to see blue and black, while others will see white and gold.  There’s clearly some sort of optical illusion going on . . . but no one who understands that kind of stuff has chimed in yet.

(Gizmodo)

 

 

 

FRIDAY FUN FACTS:

 

Here are some random facts for you . . .

 

 

1.  Only 40% of the people in the world have ever been on the Internet.

 

2.  September 12th is a holiday in Russia called the Day of Conception, where people get a day off work to try to make a baby.

 

3.  Bubble wrap was invented to be a 3-D wallpaper.  That idea never took off . . . but the guys who created it realized it COULD be good as packing material.

 

 

4.  Somalia didn’t get its first ATM until last October.

 

 

THE CYBER SPOTLIGHT

 

 

Is the Woman Who Opens Toys on YouTube a Former Porn Star?

 

 

The most popular YouTube channel is called “Disney Collector BR” . . . where a woman opens toys and plays with them, and kids love it.  But you never see her face, and no one’s been able to figure out who she is.  (We’ve told you about her.)

 

 

But now a reporter for “The Daily Mail” thinks he’s figured it out, and says it’s a 32-year-old Brazilian woman named Daiane DeJesus, who lives in Orlando . . . and used to be a PORN STAR.

 

 

He says her stage name was Sandy Summers, and she quit doing porn about seven years ago.  Which would be four years before the Disney Collector channel started.

 

 

Apparently her husband runs a similar YouTube channel called BluCollection, and he was involved in porn too.

 

 

One of their former neighbors listened to the voice in the Disney Collector videos and says it’s definitely her.  Then the husband’s ex-wife ALSO confirmed they’re the ones who run the YouTube account.

 

 

So if all that’s true, millions of parents have been distracting their kids by letting them watch a PORN STAR for the last four years.  Not that it matters, since you only see her hands, but still.

 

 

Her videos have been viewed a total of more than FIVE BILLION times since 2011, and she made an estimated $4.9 million from YouTube revenue and endorsement deals last year.  (Daily Mail)

 

 

A Reporter Goes Sledding for a Segment . . . and Crashes Into a Snowman

 

 

A reporter in Greenville, South Carolina named Myra Ruiz went sledding for a segment on Wednesday . . . and crashed face-first into a SNOWMAN.  The best part was the huge smile on her face right before she hit it.

 

 

There’s video of it on YouTube.  And at the end, a kid on a sled also takes out the cameraman.  (Search for “Watch Reporter Go Face-First Into Giant Snowman.”  The snowman is at :18, and the cameraman gets taken out at :39.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Reporter Was Talking About How Dangerous the Roads Were . . . When a Truck Crashed Right Behind Her

 

 

A reporter in Chattanooga, Tennessee named Caitlyn Jones was on the side of the highway, talking about how bad the roads were Wednesday night . . . when a truck crashed into a guardrail about 50 feet behind her.

 

 

It looked like the driver was okay though.  (Search for “Caitlyn Jones Reports While Truck Crashes.”  It happens at 1:20.)

 

 

 

 

Guys in Scuba Gear Play Upside Down Hockey, Under a Frozen Lake

 

 

Four guys in Russia recently put on scuba gear . . . got under the ice of a frozen lake . . . and played upside down HOCKEY on it.  The YouTube video isn’t very action-packed, but it’s weird.

 

 

(Search for “Upside Down, Underwater Ice Hockey Game.”)

 

WIN THE DAY!

 

 

If Things Got Tight What Would You Give Up?

No matter how poor I get, I will NEVER give up my high speed Internet.  My children could STARVE before I’d go back to waiting for a YouTube video to buffer.  And I’m not alone.

 

 

A new survey found the top ten things people will give up when money gets tight . . . and the top ten things we consider untouchable no matter HOW poor we get.

 

 

The number one thing we’d give up if things got tight is . . . buying expensive jewelry.  The rest of the top 10 things we’re ready to drop are:

 

 

Club and social memberships . . . expensive purses . . . gourmet foods . . . expensive cosmetics . . . maid service . . . costume jewelry . . . shopping for fancy clothes . . . facials . . . and satellite radio.  (Damn straight.) 

 

 

And the number one thing they’d have to pry out of our cold, poor hands?  Internet service.  The rest of the top 10 things we’d NEVER give up are:

 

 

Basic cell phone service . . . basic cable . . . our cell phone data plan . . . upgrading our cell phone . . . haircuts . . . shopping for clothes on sale . . . charity . . . vacations . . . and premium cable channels.

 

 

THERE IS AN APP FOR EVERYTHING…UNFORTUNATELY!

 

No matter how poor I get, I will NEVER give up my high speed Internet.  My children could STARVE before I’d go back to waiting for a YouTube video to buffer.  And I’m not alone.

 

 

A new survey found the top ten things people will give up when money gets tight . . . and the top ten things we consider untouchable no matter HOW poor we get.

 

 

The number one thing we’d give up if things got tight is . . . buying expensive jewelry.  The rest of the top 10 things we’re ready to drop are:

 

 

Club and social memberships . . . expensive purses . . . gourmet foods . . . expensive cosmetics . . . maid service . . . costume jewelry . . . shopping for fancy clothes . . . facials . . . and satellite radio.  (Damn straight.) 

 

 

And the number one thing they’d have to pry out of our cold, poor hands?  Internet service.  The rest of the top 10 things we’d NEVER give up are:

 

 

Basic cell phone service . . . basic cable . . . our cell phone data plan . . . upgrading our cell phone . . . haircuts . . . shopping for clothes on sale . . . charity . . . vacations . . . and premium cable channels.

 

LADIES..PLEASE LOVE YOURSELF, CUZ WE DO!

 

It’s going to be so nice when the obesity rate finally hits 100%, and flat stomachs become the stuff of legend.  THEN we can all stop obsessing and move on to better things.

 

 

A new survey found at least 90% of women between 18 and 24 years old are unhappy with at least one body part.  And they never really grow out of it . . . 85% of women over 55 are ALSO unhappy with something about their bodies.

 

 

The most common body part women hate is their stomach . . . and that’s consistent across all ages, races, and ethnicities.

 

 

The top five body parts women are the least happy with are:  Stomach . . . back . . . legs and thighs . . . butt . . . and skin.

 

 

The survey also found about 20% of women are actively planning to have plastic surgery, and 7% have had it in the past.

 

 

GONE VIRAL

 

 

1.  A Guy on a Motorcycle Gets Rammed by a Bull

 

 

We don’t know where this happened, but there’s a video making the rounds of a guy riding a motorcycle.  And out of nowhere . . . he gets rammed by a BULL.  (Search for “Guy on Motorcycle Is Taken Out by a Bull.”  It happens at :11.)

 

 

 

2.  Did New Yorkers Really Ignore a Freezing Homeless Kid for Two Hours . . . Or Is It a Hoax?

 

 

Here’s a video we actually HOPE is fake.  Because if it’s real, it’s pretty depressing . . .

 

 

Two guys in New York had their younger brother stand out in the freezing cold in a t-shirt, with a sign that said he was homeless.

 

 

And they CLAIM not a single person stopped to help him for two hours . . . until an ACTUAL homeless guy walked up and gave him his coat.

 

 

The guys behind it mostly make prank videos though.  And there’s a part about halfway through where it looks like a girl is walking up to give the kid money, but it cuts to another shot.  So our guess is they edited some stuff out.

 

 

It’s already been viewed millions of times since they posted it on Monday though.  And even if they did cut stuff, a shocking number of people DO see him and walk right by.

 

 

(Search for “The Freezing Homeless Child.”  A woman with an orange backpack starts walking up to him at 2:45 with money in her hand, then it cuts.  And the homeless guy with the coat helps him at 2:58.)

 

WIN THE DAY!

I Love It When Kids Laugh!

A video of a baby that laughs like an evil genius is making the rounds online.  And it really DOES sound evil.

 

CHECK OUT THIS SELFIE VIDEO:

 

A guy in Victoria, BC named Andrew MacDonald was in a nasty crash last month, where rescuers had to use the Jaws of Life to get him out of his car.  And he shot a selfie video WHILE they were doing it.  He kept filming his face while they were cutting through the car, and seemed WAY too relaxed about the whole thing.  Which is even more impressive when you find out he broke his arm, his femur, his kneecap, BOTH ankles, and spent a month in the hospital.

 

DEVO COMES TO REGINA

 

REGINA RED SOX

 

devo

 

The Regina Red Sox are proud to announce that former Blue Jay Devon White will headline the 2015 Regina Red Sox Dinner and Auction presented by Water Warehouse.

 

Originally drafted by the California Angels, White joined the Toronto Blue Jays in 1991 and helped them win a pair of World Series Championships.

 

During his 17-year career, White, a seven-time gold glove winner, played in 1,941 games, stole 346 bases and hit 208 home runs.

 

“Our 2015 speaker, sponsored by 9 agents from Century 21, is Devon White.” said Gary Brotzel. “Devo will be forever remembered by Blue Jay fans for his incredible leaping catch in Game 3 of the 1992 World Series.”

 

In addition to his time with the Angels and Jays, the three-time all-star also played with the Marlins, Diamondbacks, Dodgers and Brewers.

 

“Our Annual Dinner is one of the team’s most important fundraisers,” said Brotzel. “The money raised helps the ball club continue its on-field success.”

 

The Regina Red Sox Dinner will be held on Saturday, April 25, 2015 at the Turvey Centre.

 

DID YOU HEAR?

 

Starting with the 2015-16 school year, high school students in the public system will have to go to the school closest to them.
It’s part of a new high school strategy  which comes after consultations with parents, students and staff.
Students currently attending a high school out of the jurisdiction can remain there – and not relocate.
I like this move because many kids are going to school across town to play sports. This has created a ridiculous imbalance!
WIN THIS WEDNESDAY! 

An Early Start For The Queen City Kids!

 

pats

 

The Regina Pats (32-19-4-3) face the Saskatoon Blades (17-39-2-1) for the final time this season in an 11:30 a.m. matchup.  The Pats have won all five previous meetings between the teams.  Their last contest saw the Queen City Kids come away with a 4-1 victory Friday night.  Patrick D’Amico leads all skaters with eight points (3G, 5A) through five games of the season series.  Brycen Martin leads Saskatoon with six points (1G, 5A) in eight games against Regina split between the Blades and Broncos.  Coming into today’s contest, the Pats have won two straight including Saturday’s 4-1 win against Red Deer.  Meanwhile the Blades have fallen in their previous three games including a 7-3 loss to Brandon last time out.  Tune into today’s game on 620 CKRM starting at 11:30 a.m. So why the early start you ask? 5000 school kids will be at the game as part of an educational trip centred around anti-bullying. Hopefully nobody drops the gloves!

 

 

Lead Up: Powerplay Dominates Rebels in 4-1 Pats Win The Pats powerplay hasn’t been one of their strong suits, but it got the job done against one of the league’s top penalty kills Saturday night.  Jesse Gabrielle opened the scoring in the first just seconds after a Regina powerplay expired.  For the second night in a row, the Pats posted a three goal second period as Braden Christoffer, Adam Brooks and Colby Williams each tallied powerplay markers.  Haydn Fleury broke up Tyler Brown’s shutout bid early in the third.  The rookie goaltender made 23 saves in the win

Gabrielle Picking Up Points Jesse Gabrielle comes into today’s game on a roll.  Friday night Gabrielle posted a three point effort against the Blades.  He followed that up with a goal and an assist against Red Deer.  The 61st ranks North American Skater by CSS has eleven points (6G, 5A) in 21 games in a Pats uniform.

Six at Forty Patrick D’Amico’s assist against Red Deer made him the sixth player on the Pats to reach the forty point plateau for the season.  In addition to D’Amico, Sam Steel (48), Adam Brooks (47), Braden Christoffer (46), Taylor Cooper (43), Pavel Padakin (41) have all hit the mark.  Austin Wagner (37) and Jesse Gabrielle (36) are just on the outside.

Prospects at the Winter Games The Pats list features four prospects at the Canada Winter Games.  Jake Leschyshyn, Erik Gardiner and Carson Welke all skate for Team Saskatchewan while Jordan Hollett is guarding the pipes for Team B.C.

Upcoming Schedule vs. Kootenay – Wednesday, February 25th, 7:00 p.m. – Brandt Centre (CKRM) vs. Medicine Hat – Friday, February 27th, 7:00 p.m. – Brandt Centre (CKRM/Access 7) at Moose Jaw – Saturday, February 28th, 7:00 p.m. – Brandt Centre (CKRM)

 

Things That Happened When I was in Mexico

A politician in Ottawa  missed a vote last Thursday . . .  and blamed it on his tight UNDERWEAR.  (The politician was Pat Martin.  He said he got out of his seat and walked around since sitting made his underwear ride up.  But that made him miss the vote.  His vote was eventually counted.)

 

 

 

An 11-year-old girl in Champaign, Illinois named Rowan Hansen sent a letter to the editors of DC Comics last month, asking why there aren’t more female superheroes.  She also wanted to know why the ones they do have always seem to be fighting crime in outfits that are way SKIMPIER than they need to be.  A few weeks later, they actually responded on Twitter saying they agree, and they’re working on creating more female superheroes that aren’t so one-dimensional.  Then as an added bonus, they sent her a picture last week of her as a superhero, flying around with a big “R” for Rowan on her chest.  She said she’s going to keep pressuring them.  (Rowan’s favorite character is Wonder Woman, and coincidentally, Warner Brothers announced last week that the Wonder Woman movie they’ve had in the works will finally start shooting this fall.

 

 

WTH?

 

Four out of five women admit they don’t shower every day, and a third say they can go for three days without washing their body.

The personal hygiene of Britain’s fairer sex – or the lack thereof – has been laid bare in a survey of 2,021 women aged 18 to 50 for skincare range Flint + Flint.

It also found that almost two thirds can’t be bothered removing make-up before they go to bed, and one in eight own up to not brushing their teeth before they sleep. Ladies you can’t be this lazy!

 

WIN THE DAY!

Happy V-Day!

VDAY

 

Not all Valentine’s Day cards are sweet and romantic.  Some are just awful.  Here are The Top Rejected Valentine’s Day Cards.

 

 

If music be the food of love . . . you should probably listen to a little less music there, muffin top.

 

 

When I said, “‘Til Death Do Us Part”, I had no idea how hard you’d be to kill.

 

 

I’m just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking the cheap bastard to take me someplace other than Smitty’s this year.

 

 

When I think of you my heart flutters.  Although that could just be an arrhythmia.  I should probably get it checked out.

 

 

If I could lasso the moon, I’d pull it right down on your worthless head.

 

 

I love you more than life itself.  But that might not be true, since Brian Williams wrote this for me.

 

 

On Valentine’s, you give me fits.  Mostly due to your giant . . . uh, personality.

 

 

I love you more and more every day . . . because I’ve realized I’m going to need you to take care of me when I’m old.

 

HOW MUCH DO YOU SPEND TOMORROW?

 

Tons of Valentine’s Day surveys came out this year, just like they do every year.  And they present so much conflicting information, it’s hard to know what to listen to.  So . . . why not combine ALL of them to make things clearer?

 

 

The awesome website 11Points.com analyzed 20 surveys about Valentine’s Day 2015 to figure out how much money people are REALLY spending, and what gifts are really the most popular.  Check it out . . .

 

 

Eight of the surveys came up with numbers on how much men and women would be spending.  The average is $153.13 for men and $88.82 for women.

 

 

All eight surveys found men outspend women, by an average of about $64.

 

 

Eighteen surveys looked at the most and least popular gifts.  Dinner or a night out was the most popular gift in HALF of the surveys . . . candy or chocolates is the second-most popular gift . . . and flowers is third.

 

 

The least popular gift was less of a landslide . . . but “something homemade” came in last the most often.

 

 

FROM THE EMAIL BAG!

 

Is It Good to Give ‘Quirky’ Gifts on Valentine’s Day? 

 

 

As we all know, Valentine’s Day is tomorrow.  It’s a stupid holiday, but I’m in a relationship and I want to get my boyfriend something cool.

 

 

Instead of ‘guy gifts’ like watches, cologne, or shaving supplies . . . I’m steering away from the typical.

 

 

My boyfriend has a weird thing about puppets.  He loves puppets and finds them hilarious.  So I’m going to give him materials to make his OWN puppets.

 

 

Is that a weird gift to give on Valentine’s Day?  Isn’t this a time to be more creative than typical?

 

 

Rita

 

 

(So blog readers, Is it better to give a quirky gift on Valentine’s Day instead of something boring and ordinary?  What weird gifts are you giving your significant others tomorrow?)

 

 

BALLSY’S SPORTS SHORTS…. 

 

NIGHT 1 OF THE 63RD ANNUAL LIT

 

80 GARDEN CITY GOPHERS ( WINNIPEG)    42 EVAN HARDY SOULS (STN)

67 CAMPBELL TARTANS      59 ST. PAUL ( WINNIPEG)

104 LEBOLDUS    MEDICINE HAT MOHAWKS 54

83 LCI RAMS (LETHBRIDGE) 51 LUTHER LIONS

 

 

Wide receiver RILEY COOPER is Mr. February in the Philadelphia Eagles’ 2015 calendar.  And that’s kind of a big deal, because February is Black History Month . . . and Cooper was filmed angrily using the N-word at a concert in 2013.  The Eagles say they have no input in the production of the calendar, and don’t review it before it goes on sale

 

 

 

An 88-Year-Old Tried to Charge the Mound at Colorado Rockies Fantasy Camp

 

 

There’s a video making the rounds of an 88-year-old guy at Colorado Rockies fantasy camp . . . who tried to CHARGE THE MOUND after a pitcher threw one high and inside to him.

 

 

The umpire had to run up and stop him . . . while all his teammates were on the bench cracking up.  (Search for “88-Year-Old Charges the Mound.”)

 

 

HOLLYWOLF REPORT… 

 

Sexy Pictures of Famous People 

 

 

1.  Topless photos of KATE UPTON are just classier in black and white.  They’re practically art.  At least that’s what I tell my wife when she finds them on my hard drive.

 

 

 

2.  KENDALL JENNER looks good in a variety of bathing suits in “Allure” magazine.  And by the way . . . the monkey who’s in some of those pictures is Marcel from “Friends”(He’s a capuchin monkey, and they can live up to 45 years in captivity.)

 

 

By the way . . . if you’re wondering why you don’t see any tattoos on Kendall, it’s because her sister KIM KARDASHIAN told her, quote, “Don’t put a bumper sticker on a Bentley.”

 

 

 

3.  Sexy Video:  Have you ever wanted to see MATT LAUER in bondage gear?  Thanks to the magic of digital effects, Ellen DeGeneres made it look like Matt was wearing leather and chains while interviewing the stars of “Fifty Shades of Grey”.

 

 

 

4.  SHARON STONE hit the town.  Her bra decided not to accompany her.

 

 

 

5.  If I had known KERI RUSSELL showed her backside on “The Americans”, I’d have been watching from the beginning.

 

 

 

6.  BROOKE SHIELDS does NOT look 49.  She turns

 

 

 

7.  Screw you, PETA . . . if KIM KARDASHIAN wants to encase her daughter in fur, she will.  And if North wants to throw a tantrum at her dad’s fashion show, she will.

 

 

Speaking of that fashion show, this video makes it seem like Kanye’s “art” got a pretty lukewarm reaction.

 

 

 

8.  Sexy Video?  Why did DWIGHT HOWARD of the Houston Rockets grab another player’s junk?

 

 

 

9.  METALLICA is catching up to KISS as the marketing whores of the universe.  Their latest venture?  A line of skis.

 

 

 

 

–Ladies, you’re not going to enjoy the “Fifty Shades of Grey” movie as much as you did the book, thanks to pesky SCIENCE.  Men are just more attuned to visual stimuli, while women get turned on by things like setting and circumstance.  It goes back to our mating instincts.  Sorry.

 

 

 

–The producers of the upcoming Marvel movie “Ant-Man” hired 100 homeless people for a shoot in San Francisco, which is very cool of them.  Unfortunately, it backfired on them a little bit.

 

 

Because one guy didn’t exactly have the most refined bathroom skills.  First, he peed on Ant-Man’s van . . . then he did a NUMBER TWO on a storefront set.  (!!!)

 

 

Producers ended up firing the guy, but they did pay him $175 for his day’s work.

 

 

 

DON MCLEAN is auctioning off the original, handwritten lyrics for “American Pie” . . . because he needs the money.  He says, quote, “I’m going to be 70 this year.  I have two children and a wife, and none of them seem to have the mercantile instinct.  I want to get the best deal that I can for them.  It’s time.”  The auction house estimates the lyrics could go for up to $1.5 MILLION.

 

 

PAMELA ANDERSON has filed for divorce from RICK SALOMON . . . for the third time.  And the classic love story comes to an end….again!

 

WIN THE DAY!

You Better Get Her Flowers Tomorrow!

flowers

Listen up guys, because this might save you a whole lot of pain and suffering.  If you’re planning to send flowers ON Valentine’s Day . . . you’re making a huge mistake.  Hear me out.

 

 

Valentine’s Day falls on a Saturday this year.  And it’s not like any woman is gonna reject a bunch of flowers if that’s when she gets them.

 

 

But if your wife or girlfriend has a job, you SHOULD send flowers TOMORROW . . . because that way she’ll get them at work.

 

 

Guys don’t always think about it, but half the point of getting flowers is showing them off to people.  And yes, things like Facebook and Instagram are great for that.

 

 

But if her co-workers get flowers tomorrow and she DOESN’T . . . you WILL be held accountable.  Even if she doesn’t say anything it, she’ll secretly be resenting you.  Obviously if your girlfriend works on Saturday, that day still works.

 

 

So get on the horn TODAY and make it happen.

 

 

THE TOP REASONS YOU WON’T SEE

“FIFTY SHADES OF GREY”

 

 

Are you excited about “Fifty Shades of Grey” opening tomorrow?  If you’re not, you’ll like this list of The Top Reasons You Won’t See “Fifty Shades of Grey”.

 

 

 

You gouged your eyes out after seeing Madonna’s ass at The Grammys.

 

 

You’re a stoner.  And the theater next to it is showing “SpongeBob”.

 

 

It exploits women.  And also Friday nights are 2-for-1 drinks at Hooters.

 

 

Your only real fantasy is to be left alone on a Sunday to watch football.

 

 

You’re busy climbing Mount Everest, flying to the moon, and curing Ebola with Brian Williams.

 

 

You loved the book, but you just hate leaving your 20 cats at home alone.

 

 

You found hotter stuff on this mystical thing called “The Internet.”

 

 

BALLSY’S SPORTS SHORTS…

 

After some embarrassing performances, TIGER WOODS is taking another break from golf to work on his game.  He says, quote, “My play, and scores, are not acceptable for tournament golf.  I enter a tournament to compete at the highest level, and when I think I’m ready, I’ll be back.”  He hopes to be ready for the Honda Classic on the 23rd of this month.

 

 

 

 

CHANDLER JONES of the New England Patriots wants to step into the Octagon . . . to fight his BROTHER, UFC Light Heavyweight Champ JON “BONES” JONES.

 

 

 

Approximately 80% of NFL players go broke within three years of retirement.. That’s really surprising, since many had four years of college.  I mean, I’m sure they always attended classes and never got any special treatment from the college just because they played football.  This is hard to believe.

 

 

 

Did You Know? The 15 stadiums in America with the highest capacity are all college football stadiums.  The 16th largest is MetLife Stadium in New Jersey, which is home to the New York Giants and Jets.

 

 

The General Manager of the Seattle Seahawks isn’t sure if Marshawn Lynch will play football next season.  Well then who will Pete Carroll NOT hand the ball off to when they’re at the one-yard line?

 

 

Washington Redskins quarterback Robert Griffin the Third turns 25 today.  He hasn’t exactly lived up to his hype.  In fact, if it weren’t for Kate Upton, he would have been the biggest bust of 2014.

 

WIN THE DAY! BALLSY

 

 

 

 

SASKATCHEWAN TOUGH!

south selects

 

The practices are over and now the fun begins for the South Saskatchewan Selects!  The 16 U’s, 14 U’s, and 12 U’s are heading to San Antonio today as they get set to take part in a high school football tournament in Texas.

The Saskatchewan contingent of some 350 strong will take part in a downtown festival  Thursday night, with the first Bowl Games for all three teams going Friday afternoon and early Friday evening.

The tournament starts early Saturday, with the brackets currently being tweaked. Saturday night will then see the 12U’s and 14U’s face the Allen Wild Dawgz in International Bowl Games. Sunday’s tournament participation will depend on how Saturday goes. Good luck to the boys including my friend Mason Nyhus who is quarterbacking the 16 U’s.

 

cfl free agency

 

 

The free agency period in the CFL kicks off today. Yesterday the Roughriders announced  international defensive back Tristan Jackson and national linebacker Kevin Regimbald have signed extensions to remain with the team. Meantime, the Riders also announced they have agreed to trade the rights of national kicker John Mark to the Ottawa REDBLACKS in exchange for a conditional 2016 CFL Draft pick.

The club is really thin at the quarterback position behind Darian Durant. As I said shortly after the season, if the price is right the Riders should add Kevin Glenn.

 

YOU’RE MIGHT GET DUMPED TODAY!

 

Here’s some advanced warning:  If your boyfriend or girlfriend calls you today and says “We need to talk” . . . hang up the phone and start running.

 

 

A new survey found you’re more likely to get dumped TODAY than any other day of the year.

 

 

22% of people say they’ve dumped someone on February 10th . . . exactly four days before Valentine’s Day.  Mainly because they didn’t want to spend Valentine’s Day pretending things were okay.

 

 

But if you DO get dumped today . . . maybe it’s a blessing.  Another survey found that 4% of people say they’d hold off on dumping someone until right AFTER Valentine’s Day . . . because they still want a gift and a nice dinner.

 

 

 

 

And while we’re talking about Valentine’s Day downers . . .  ONE IN 12 MARRIED MEN will buy a Valentine’s Day gift for a woman OTHER than their wife this year.

 

 

 

THE TOP SIGNS THE GUY YOU’RE DATING ISN’T MARRIAGE MATERIAL

 

 

Ladies, do you think your boyfriend is “Mr. Right?”  He may not be after you hear The Top Signs the Guy You’re Dating isn’t Marriage Material.

 

 

He has a tattoo.  Of an Xbox controller.

 

 

 

He promises that after 10 dates, he’ll stop bringing his mother.

 

 

He can barely even commit to a cellular plan.

 

 

You thought the candles all over his apartment were a romantic gesture.  Turned out they shut off his electricity.

 

 

 

When you ask him if he wants to shop for rings, he says, “Onion or shower curtain?”

 

 

His speech at his brother’s wedding was, “RUN!”

 

 

It’s the little things he says.  Like, “Hi, I’m Tiger Woods.”

 

 

Every conversation you have inevitably turns to him recounting the graphic details of his sexual reassignment surgery.

 

 

GONE VIRAL

 

 

 

A Former Radio Host Named Shay Carl Is One of the Biggest Stars on YouTube

 

 

One of the biggest stars on YouTube is a guy named SHAY CARL, who has two YouTube channels with more than a million followers . . . one called ShayCarl, and one called ShayTards, which is mostly about his kids.

 

 

But before he was making tons of money online, he was actually a RADIO HOST in Idaho, on Z103.

 

 

So instead of this grind we go through every day, HE can make money from his bedroom now . . . posting YouTube rants in his underwear if he wants to.  (Although to be honest, I’m not wearing underwear right now.)

 

 

 

 

A Two-Year-Old Throws a Tantrum, Because She Hates Her New Sister

 

 

Someone posted a video of their two-year-old daughter reacting to her new sister being born . . . and she is NOT happy about it.  The dad keeps asking if she likes the new baby, and all she does is keep screaming NO.

 

 

(Search for “2-Year-Old Devastated About Newborn Sister.”)

 

 

 

 

 

 

A McDonald’s Employee Gets Fired and Trashes the Place

 

 

A McDonald’s worker in St. Paul, Minnesota got fired recently, and wanted his last paycheck before he left.  But they wouldn’t give it to him, so he TRASHED the place.

(Search for “McDonald’s Employee Gets Fired and Goes Crazy.”  WARNING!  Lots of F-bombs.)

 

 

 

 

 

A Cockatoo Sounds Like It’s Arguing, Because It Belonged to a Couple That Got Divorced

 

 

There’s a cockatoo that sounds like it’s arguing, because it used to belong to a couple that got divorced . . . and apparently they argued a LOT.  (Search for “Peaches the Cockatoo Mimicking a Couple Arguing.”  WARNING!  We don’t think it actually says the F-word, but it sounds like it does.)

 

 

 

 

 

Tiny Hamsters Go on a Date for Valentine’s Day

 

 

The people who do the “tiny hamsters eating” videos posted a new one for Valentine’s Day.  It’s two hamsters on a romantic date, eating tiny plates of spaghetti and meatballs.  (Search for “Tiny Hamster’s Tiny Date.”)

 

 

 

 

 

Aerial Footage of a Carjacking in L.A.

 

 

There was a pretty wild police chase in L.A. yesterday, where the guy drove into oncoming traffic . . . wrecked . . . then carjacked a woman on live TV.  Luckily they eventually caught him.  (Search for “Madman Brings Grand Theft Auto To Life In Los Angeles.”)

 

 

WIN THE DAY!

 

 

FRIDAY FUN!

GONE VIRAL

1. (NC-17) Senior Citizens Watching Virtual Reality Porn

A bunch of senior citizens recently agreed to watch PORN using a virtual reality headset. And the video of them reacting to it is pretty funny.

They also talk about what porn USED to be like. And one of the best parts is when a 79-year-old guy describes an X-rated movie he saw . . . that featured overweight people . . . dwarves . . . and an ANIMAL.

(Search for “Porn Reactions from Old People.” They start watching porn at :57. WARNING: Strong sexual content, partial nudity, and the terms “bl*wjob,” “d*ldo,” and “wh*ck off.”)

2. Helmet-Cam Footage of a Snowboarder Getting Buried by an Avalanche

A snowboarder in Romania survived a pretty serious AVALANCHE on Tuesday. And he uploaded a crazy helmet-cam video of it to YouTube. (Search for “Sorin Radu Avalanche.” It starts at :15.)

3. Watch a Train Blast Through a Wall of Snow

Footage of a train in Canada blasting through snow on Tuesday is making the rounds online. There’s so much snow getting kicked up off the tracks, you can barely even see the train. It just looks like a huge white cloud coming at you.

(Search for “Dashing Thru the Snow – CN Train 406.”)

Sexy Pictures of Famous People

1. (NC-17) JENNIFER LOPEZ shows a little NIPPLE in her new movie “The Boy Next Door”. I’m gonna just go ahead and leave this link here for you.

2. Just because we’ve seen JENNIFER LAWRENCE all-the-way naked, doesn’t mean she’s not sexy when we can’t see all her parts. Here she is nude, but covered by a GIANT SNAKE in “Vanity Fair”.

–BOBBY BROWN was asked how his daughter BOBBI KRISTINA BROWN is doing, and he said, quote, “She’s good. We’re praying.” There have been conflicting reports about her condition, but several websites are reporting that the situation is pretty dire . . . and that even if Bobbi Kristina lives through this, she won’t be back to her old self.

And there are even reports that the family is just waiting for WHITNEY HOUSTON’s mother CISSY to get to Georgia to see Bobbi Kristina before they pull the plug. (Not to be morbid, but if Bobbi were to pass away tomorrow, she’d die the day before the Grammys, just like her mother.)

Some Movie Theaters Might Not Let You Bring Whips and Paddles to “Fifty Shades of Grey”

If you plan on attending a screening of “Fifty Shades of Grey” in costume, you should probably leave the whips, paddles, and spiked gloves at home. Because some theater chains won’t allow it. (Oh, that reminds me: Chains are probably out, too.)

—Reps for DUSTIN DIAMOND and LARK VOORHIES released separate statements yesterday, both claiming they would’ve loved to have made it for the “Saved By the Bell” reunion on “The Tonight Show” . . . but they were just TOO BUSY. (???) Of course, there’s a good chance they weren’t invited.

—Snoop Dogg, Queen, KISS, Dierks Bentley and Katy Perry haven’t received any Grammy hardware to date. But a list of potentially surprising people who DO have at least one Grammy includes:David Seville and the Chipmunks, The Baha Men, President Obama, and The Starland Vocal Band.

TIDBITS FROM AROUND THE WORLD:

A new survey found 60% of women say their mother’s opinion on the person they’re dating is VERY important . . . and 16% have actually dumped someone because their mother didn’t approve.

 

 

When You Dump Someone Over the Phone, Do You Prepare a Script?

When you dump someone over the phone, do you prepare a SCRIPT? 44% of women and 31% of men say YES . . . they plan out what they’re going to say before they make the call.

 

 

There’s an atheist in Utah who realized a few years ago that there were no good Spanish Bible apps . . . so he created one for the App Store. Now he’s making $100,000 a year off it, and works on it about an hour a month.

 

 

 

A guy just posted a page from his high school yearbook online . . . and in a sign of the times, it features students with the best TATTOOS. It’s bad enough that this many kids at one high school have tattoos, but the tattoos themselves are terrible. One says, “Daddy’s Girl” and makes me very uncomfortable. One is the symbol for the Zodiac sign “Cancer” but looks like a “69” tattoo.And one says, “All the strength you need is inside you,” but the cursive writing is so bad, it reminds you that cursive isn’t taught in schools anymore.There’s no word on what high school this is, but based on other posts from the guy who put it online, he’s somewhere in Missouri.

 

 

A 44-year-old guy in Ohio had a meltdown on Saturday, after his pet PIG ate all of his WEED. He drank a bottle of 190-proof grain alcohol and threatened to hurt himself. So his wife called the cops . . . he fought with them . . . and was arrested for disorderly conduct and resisting arrest.

 

 

Police in Russia recently busted a brothel where all the prostitutes had to be MARRIED . . . because they catered to guys who wanted to get-it-on with another man’s WIFE. And they were charging $350 an hour, which is five times more than prostitutes normally charge in Russia.

 

 

A 62-year-old in the U.K. who’s been fighting with his neighbors was in court on Tuesday . . . for spraying liquid manure through the mail slot of their front door.

 

Axl Rose turns 53 today:

. . . He just left for this birthday party . . . meaning he should get there by around 2029.

Gwyneth Paltrow may convert to Judaism:

. . . Unless Judaism can get a restraining order.

Pete Carroll says he hasn’t been able to sleep through the night since his team lost the Super Bowl:

. . . Fortunately for Pete, he got plenty of sleep while calling plays during the fourth quarter of the game.

Pete Carroll says he feels a lot of responsibility for the call that cost his team the Super Bowl. In fact, when someone asks him to pass the salt now, he runs it to them instead.

There are now Guinness-flavored potato chips. They come in two styles, “You’re Obese”, and “You’re an Alcoholic, Too.”

WIN THE DAY! BALLSY

A-ROD Is Checking His Lineup Card For Pinch Hitter!

ALEX RODRIGUEZ and former WWE Diva TORRIE WILSON have broken up, after more than three years together.  The “New York Post” says SHE dumped HIM . . . because he was too flirtatious with other women, too close to his ex-wife Cynthia, and just unable to commit. Alex and Cynthia split in 2008, amid rumors he was cheating with MADONNA.  Since the divorce, he also gave it to CAMERON DIAZ and KATE HUDSON, before hooking up with Torrie in late 2011.

 

 

Derek Jeter’s girlfriend HANNAH DAVIS is on the cover  of the new “Sports Illustrated” Swimsuit Issue . . . and she’s pulling her bikini REALLY low. Looks like Jeter is still hitting home runs!   There’s also a plus size model appearing inside the issue for the first time . . . but only in an ad for a company that makes swimsuits for full-figured women… Her name is ASHLEY GRAHAM.  She’s 27, a size 16, and she’s MORE than hot enough to stand against ANY other woman in that magazine.  (Check out the ad here.  And here’s a video you’ll definitely want to watch.)

 

 

 

For those of you who LOVE those cute Budweiser animals, this is for you:  Budweiser welcomed a newborn Clydesdale to their fleet on Super Bowl Sunday, just “MINUTES” before their “Lost Dog” commercial aired. If that isn’t a sickeningly heart-warming coincidence, I don’t know what is. The baby, named Arizona, was born at Budweiser’s “state-of-the-art breeding facility, Warm Springs Ranch, in Boonville, Missouri.”  It’s a 340-acre farm where they raise and care for their horses.  (You can find some photos, here. Both the foal and its mother are doing fine.  Although if there were any complications, I’m sure there would’ve been a handsome farmer and a cute puppy on-hand to do mouth-to-mouth, and pull them through . . . while simultaneously protecting them from any lurking predators.)

 

 

 

 

 

Seattle Seahawks wide receiver DOUG BALDWIN was fined over $11,000 for his “pooping a football” touchdown celebration.  When asked what the heck he was doing, Doug said, quote, “I was just out there having fun playing the game of football.” That’s your first Super Bowl touchdown, who knows could be your last and that’s the best dance you got..Where’s Paula Abdul when you need her?

 

 

 

 

New England meathead ROB GRONKOWSKI seems like a pretty fun guy.  At the Patriots’ victory parade, he was wearing a “Despicable Me” / minion hat, while CHUGGING BEERS.  (Here’s a photo.  Here’s video.)

 

 

 

 

JOCKS IN JAIL

 

Now that the NFL season is over you’ll have to track players with police reports……

 

 

1.  A Green Bay Packers defensive tackle named Letroy Guion was arrested on felony charges of marijuana and firearm possession.

 

 

He was pulled over in Florida on Tuesday night, after swerving between lanes.  When police searched his vehicle, they found two gallon-sized bags of marijuana totaling a whopping 357 grams, a firearm, and $190,028.81 in CASH. I assume he needed the cash for Cheetos.

 

 

It’s unclear what Letroy was up to . . . but clearly it would fall into the “no good” category.

 

 

 

2.  Indianapolis Colts linebacker D’Qwell Jackson was arrested in Washington, D.C. Tuesday night for assaulting a PIZZA DELIVERY GUY over a parking space.

 

The driver said he told D’Qwell that he just needed the space for a moment, but D’Qwell got upset and told him to get the “[eff]” out of his spot.  He then punched the guy in the face and on the back of his head.

 

Random Fact:  D’Qwell was the guy who caught the interception in the AFC Championship Game, and noticed that Tom Brady was using deflated balls. Maybe the crust wasn’t stuffed properly.

 

 

 

 

 

3.  Dallas Cowboys running back Joseph Randle was arrested in Kansas late Tuesday night.  His baby mama had called the police saying that they were fighting, and that Joseph had a GUN and was “being out of control.”

When the cops got there, they couldn’t find a gun, but they did find WEED, so he was popped for misdemeanor marijuana possession. Gas is under a buck a litre, Dallas made the playoffs and guys are getting arrested. Folks welcome to 1995.

 

 

YOU GOTTA SEE THIS…..

 

 

1.  A Golfer Makes a Crazy Hole-in-One on a Par Four

 

 

A professional golfer named Richard Green had a crazy hole-in-one in Australia the other day . . . on a par FOUR.  The ball landed in a bunker . . . somehow skipped OUT of it . . . bounced on the green, and went in.

 

 

The hole’s listed at 391 yards.  But it was shorter than that, because it’s set up for a pro-am.  And there was a lot of wind helping him out too.  (Search for “Richard Green Hole in One.”)

 

HOLLYWOLF REPORT:

 

Here are the latest tabloid rumors about BRUCE JENNER’s alleged “transformation”:  First, he supposedly wants to be called BELINDA . . . because “Inside, he has always been Belinda.”  Second, KIM KARDASHIAN knew about Bruce’s secret first, because she caught him stealing her “expensive French lingerie.”

 

 

 

 

Sexy Pictures of Famous People 

 

 

1.  (NC-17)  KIM KARDASHIAN has gone FULL-FRONTAL yet again, this time for her upcoming spread in “Love” magazine.  So far, all we have is a CENSORED version of the pic.

 

 

 

2.  (NC-17)  How likely is it that 50-year-old VIVICA FOX didn’t know her nipples were going to show through this outfit?

 

 

 

3.  KEVIN HART is RIPPED . . . and he shows off his physique in the new issue of “Men’s Health”(Scroll down for a nice collection of shirtless Instagram photos, too.)

 

 

 

4.  David Beckham isn’t the only soccer star who gets to model underwear.  CRISTIANO RONALDO stripped down to promote his own line, CR7.

 

 

 

5.  Sexy Video:  RIHANNA swam with sharks for “Harper’s Bazaar”(Here’s a picture.)

 

 

 

 

CHANNING TATUM said getting waxed for “Magic Mike XXL” was torture . . . in part because he’s got some GINGER in him.  He says, quote, “After they started, they said, ‘Oh, no, you’re a ginger.’  I have like a little red, and they’re like, ‘It’s always worse for them.’  And I’m like . . . Why didn’t you tell me this beforehand?”  (Where my Gingers at?  Does waxing REALLY hurt you more?  Some quick online research brought up some talk that redheads have tougher hair and stronger roots, but we found nothing that was actually scientifically sound.)

 

 

 

O.J. SIMPSON was bummed when he heard that CUBA GOODING JR. was going to play him in that new series “American Crime Story”.  Which officially gives O.J. Simpson something in common with the rest of the world. A source says he wanted DENZEL WASHINGTON . . . quote, “O.J. and Denzel knew each other, and he loves Denzel as an actor.  He’d have made a good O.J.”

 

ARE YOU DATING? CHECK THIS OUT

 

According to Match.com, 58% of men would date a much taller woman . . . only 6% of people met the last person they went out with in a bar or club . . . and people who use more emojis in their texts have way more sex.

As many of you know most dates are just a series of awkward moments.  But which are the MOST awkward? Here are ten of them:

 

 

1.  When the other person doesn’t show up.

 

2.  When you spill on yourself.

 

3.  When someone LEAVES in the middle of the date.

 

4.  Not knowing how to react when the other person burps.

 

5.  When the server brings the bill.

 

6.  When someone goes in for a premature kiss.

 

7.  When the other person prematurely invites you back to their place.

 

8.  When you catch someone else’s eye, and realize you’d rather be on a date with them.

 

9.  When you have to go to the bathroom . . . for a long time.

 

10.  And when you realize you’re a terrible match and have nothing in common.

 

WIN THE DAY! 

 

Heenan Indy Bound!

ben heenan
The “Ben Heenan Watch” is over.
The former Roughrider lineman and Grand Coulee product signed a contract with the NFL’s Indianapolis Colts yesterday, ending a two month process.
Heenan had half-a-dozen offers from NFL teams but felt the Colts’ deal was the best option. Good luck Big Ben..
pats
Austin Wagner’s goal midway through the third period was the eventual winner as the Pats topped Prince Albert 4-2.

Luc Smith and Pavel Padakin also scored for Regina (28-17-6), while Sam Steel added an empty-net goal.

Matteo Gennaro and Reid Gardiner replied for the Raiders.

The Pats continue their home stand Friday night against the Saskatoon Blades in a 7:00 p.m. puck drop.
BALLSY’S SPORTS SHORTS…

1.  New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady won a 2015 Chevy Colorado for his Super Bowl 49 MVP efforts . . . but he plans to give the truck to safety Malcolm Butler, the rookie who caught the game winning interception.

 

 

Brady said, quote, “I’d love to [give Malcolm the truck].  We’re going to figure out how to make that happen.”  (Somewhere, Malcolm is probably saying:  “Tom, it’s easy.  Have the title transferred, and drive it over to my place.  Thanks.”)

 

 

2. Tom Brady has an amusing photo on his Facebook page, with him Photoshopped riding on Katy Perry’s “The More You Know” halftime show star.

 

 

By the way, someone on Reddit posted a photo, which supposedly shows Katy’s actual “The More You Know” star being hauled past them on the freeway.  It looks legit.

 

 

 

3.  Speaking of Facebook, ZZ Top posted a “left shark” meme with the caption:  Quote, “Every girl is crazy ’bout a SHARK dressed man.”  (Obviously, that’s a reference to the ZZ Top song “Sharp Dressed Man“.)

 

 

 

 

4.  Bonobos is an online men’s clothing store, and yesterday they Tweeted that if they received enough interest, they’d create a “shark suit” based on the infamous sharks that appeared with Katy Perry during her Super Bowl halftime show.

 

 

There aren’t many details yet . . . but if you’re interested, you can give them your email address, and they’ll keep you updated on “everything shark costume related.”  Here’s a look at their “inspiration board.”  And here’s another silly update.

 

 

There’s a good chance this is all a JOKE, but maybe it SHOULDN’T be?  Bonobos CEO Andy Dunn says, quote, “We have thousands of emails.  Most-liked Instagram [post] for us of the year.  The world is a funny place.”

 

 

  1.   A 30-year-old guy in Florida trapped and killed five small alligators on Sunday, so he could serve FRESH GATOR at his Super Bowl party.  But the cops showed up and arrested him for illegal possession and taking of alligators.

 

GONE VIRAL

 

 

1.  Dashcam Video of a Plane Crashing in Taiwan

 

 

A plane in Taiwan lost control after take-off yesterday, dove down over a bridge, and crashed into a river.  There were 58 people on board, and at least 13 were killed.

 

 

Someone got pretty intense video on their dashcam, where you can see the wing of the plane clip a taxi driving over the bridge before smashing the guardrail.

 

 

It was a TransAsia Airways flight heading to Kinmen, China from Taipei . . . the capital of Taiwan. (Search for “Dashcam captures moment TransAsia plane hits bridge, crashes in Taipei.”)

 

 

 

 

 

2.  The Mountain from “Game of Thrones” Broke a 1,000-Year-Old Weightlifting Record

 

 

The guy who plays The Mountain on “Game of Thrones” just broke a record that allegedly stood for a THOUSAND YEARS.  His real name is HAFTHOR BJORNSSON, and he came in second in the “World’s Strongest Man” competition last year.

 

 

Over the weekend, he won a different competition called “World’s Strongest Viking”, where one of the challenges was to take five steps with a 30-foot log on your back that weighed more than 1,400 pounds.

 

 

According to legend, a guy tried to do the same thing a thousand years ago . . . but took three steps, and his BACK broke.  (Search for “Thor New World Record 2015.”  He starts at :39.)

 

 

 

3.  A Guy Beat the Game “Punch-Out” . . . Blindfolded

 

 

Some guy on YouTube just posted a video where he beats the Nintendo game “Punch-Out” BLINDFOLDED.

 

 

It’s 34 minutes long, and he has trouble with the MIKE TYSON character at the end.  But he ends up winning by decision, and finishes with 14 wins and no losses.

 

 

(Search for “Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out Game Won Blindfolded.”)

 

WIN THE DAY