Monthly Archives: January 2015

Friday Football Fun

 

Sorry Budweiser . . . Snickers has the Super Bowl commercial to beat, so far.  And we’re not sure how ANYONE can top it.

 

 

If you’ve ever wondered what it would be like if STEVE BUSCEMI and DANNY TREJO from “Machete” were on “The Brady Bunch” . . . well, wonder no more.  (Check it out here.)

 

 

And unlike the Budweiser ad, it’s actually CREATIVE, and has a narrative that actually attempts to sell the product.

 

 

Because the ad is so great, I actually found myself wishing I hadn’t seen it before the game.  Not to be an old geezer, but there was a time before YouTube when we had to actually wait until GAME DAY to see the commercials.

Here are some other Super Bowl ads:

 

 

 

 

 

1.  ABC News has chosen the 10 best Super Bowl ads.  They gave the top spot to the MEAN JOE GREEN Coke commercial from 1979.

 

 

 

2.  Always has a great spot about changing the perception of what it means to do something “like a girl.”

 

 

 

3.  Here’s the Super Bowl ad for “Terminator:  Genisys”.

 

 

 

4.  Check out massive collections of Sunday’s ads here and here.

 

 

 

5.  As silly as it seems, I could see this Mophie ad causing some controversy . . . because it shows the world devolving into chaos because God’s cell phone battery runs out.

 

 

 

6.  Dish is doing a thing where you can skip all of the game except the commercials . . . but not live.  You have to record the Super Bowl and watch it the next day.

 

 

    THE TOP SIGNS YOU’RE AT A BAD SUPER BOWL PARTY

 

 

 

The standing rule is to drink a shot every time a Seahawk acts like an A-hole.

 

 

The bartender is Bill Cosby.

 

 

The pizza rolls don’t feel like they’re fully inflated.

 

 

You got the seat next to that one idiot who keeps screaming at everyone to be quiet during the timeouts, because he’s only watching for the commercials.

 

 

The host’s father keeps grabbing your arm and whispering that you’re the star of his “fantasy team.”

 

 

The dip looks weirder than Bob Costas’s face.

 

 

You slowly crack open a cold beer, but no Clydesdales run by or bikini-clad women suddenly appear.

 

 

Ten people were just stabbed, after someone decided to let the Raiders fans out of their cage. Right Premier Wall?

 

HOW MUCH OF THE BIG GAME WILL YOU SEE?

 

The Super Bowl is slotted to last up to four hours, but check this out: You’re only going to see about 17 minutes of actual GAME time.

The Media Education Foundation analyzed last year’s game, which took three hours and 23 minutes between kickoff and the end of the fourth quarter. Here’s the breakdown . . .

1. 72 Minutes: Footage of the field where the ball is NOT in play. Like players huddling, standing at the line of scrimmage, or just milling around between snaps.

2. 48 Minutes and 34 Seconds: Commercial breaks and on-screen promotions.

3. 23 Minutes and 46 Seconds: Replays.

4. 17 Minutes and 30 Seconds: The actual, live game, with the ball in play. Amazingly, that accounts for just 8.5% of the broadcast.

5. 16 Minutes and 37 Seconds: “Miscellaneous” stuff, including shots of the crowd, cheerleaders, and the sidelines.

6. 12 Minutes and 28 Seconds: The halftime show.

7. 7 Minutes and 30 Seconds: Promotion for Fox TV shows, since Fox was hosting last year’s game.

8. 4 Minutes and 52 Seconds: The halftime report.

For what it’s worth, this is less of a Super Bowl issue than a football issue. A researcher says, quote, “It’s not that different from any other game of football. It’s a game of intense activity around a lot of people getting ready for the next play.”

And if you think about it, it makes sense. A typical NFL play lasts just SIX seconds. After most of them, the clock continues to run even after the ball is blown dead . . . then the team on offense has 40 seconds to snap the ball again.

The clock only stops occasionally . . . after stuff like incomplete passes, scoring plays, and timeouts. So roughly TWO THIRDS of the time, the clock is running without anything happening.

RollingStone.com has a list of “12 Super Bowls that Actually Lived Up to the Hype.” The most recent one on the list is Super Bowl 47 from 2013, where the Baltimore Ravens edged the San Francisco 49ers 34-to-31.

Super Bowl 49 might go down as the most expensive in history. Yesterday afternoon, there were only 20 tickets available on StubHub that cost less than $10,000. The cheapest ticket was selling for $9,205.’

Seattle cornerback RICHARD SHERMAN could actually miss the game, because his girlfriend might go into labor DURING the Super Bowl. Yesterday he said, quote, “You know, I’d not like to miss the birth of my first son, my first kid . . .

“Thankfully and hopefully and God willing we won’t have to cross that bridge . . . he’s gonna do his father his first favor, and stay in there for another week or two.”

The NFL is supposedly tracking all the footballs used in the game with “added security” . . . to make sure they’re all properly inflated. But both teams are still allowed to practice with the balls they’re going to be using in the game.

 New York Giants wide receiver ODELL BECKHAM JR. has set a new Guinness World Record for the most one-handed catches in one minute . . . with 33. The passes were thrown by New Orleans Saints quarterback DREW BREES.

They stood ten yards apart on a stage at ESPN, and Odell caught all 33 passes with one hand. At one point, Drew ran out of balls, so Odell threw back some of the ones he’d caught, so Drew could throw them again.

(Here’s video. It was based on a Visa commercial Drew did with Arizona wide receiver Larry Fitzgerald. Larry heard about it, and Tweeted, quote, “Congrats to my boys . . . I’m coming for that record though.”)

 

BALLSY’S SUPER PREDICTION… 

 

The Patriots will have more answers for the Seahawk’s offence, while LeGarrette Blount will present problems for Seattle. Seattle gave up the 3rd most TD passes to tight ends in the regular season. It will be interesting to see if they have an answer for Rob Gronkowski. And let’s not forget about the intangibles. This could be Bill Belichick and Tom Brady’s last chance to win The Big Game together. With so much Deflategate-driven, mind game material at Belichick’s disposal I think the Pats play with an edge to their game. It’s still a PICK’EM game but I’m going with a New England 24-21 win. Sorry Jon Ryan I hope for once I’m wrong! Haha.

The Super Bowl…A Gambler’s Dream!

russell wilson

 

Only fools still bet on the actual Super Bowl.  The REAL fun is on stupid bets, called prop bets.  They let you bet on all the nonsense that surrounds the game.  Here are 11 unusual bets you can make on various online sports books.

 

 

1.  How long will it take Idina Menzel to sing the National Anthem?  The “over-under” line is set at two minutes and one second.  Sadly, you can’t bet on whether or not she’ll be introduced as Adele Dazeem.

 

 

You CAN bet on whether or not she forgets at least one word of the anthem.  ‘No’ is the overwhelming favourite at -700.  That means you’d need to bet $700 to win $100.  If you think she WILL, the “Yes” line is +450 . . . meaning you’ll win $450 on a $100 bet if you’re correct.

 

 

2.  Will Marshawn Lynch grab his crotch after scoring a touchdown in the game?  This is interesting.  Because of all the NFL’s threats, the favourite is that he WON’T, at -600.  If he does, the line is +400.

 

3.  What color will Bill Belichick’s hoodie be?  The favourite is . . . Grey.

 

 

4.  Will Bill Belichick smile on-camera during the game?  The favourite is ‘No.’

 

 

5.  What will Katy Perry be wearing when she begins the halftime show?  The favourite is ‘Skirt or Dress’ . . . as opposed to pants below the knees, or shorts above the knees.

 

 

6.  Will Katy show cleavage?  The overwhelming favourite is ‘Yes’ at -800.  No is at +450.  (Note:  On things like this, the book manager will rule on any ambiguity, and that decision is final.)

 

 

7.  How many times will Tom Brady’s wife Gisele Bundchen be shown on TV during the game?  The over-under is set at:  1.5 times.  With the lesser odds, and bigger payout set on Over.

 

 

8.  How many times will “deflated” balls be said during the game?  The over-under is set at three times.  With the bigger payout on the Under bet, not surprisingly.

 

 

9.  This is a wild one:  What will be higher?  Russell Wilson’s total passing yards, or the U.S. national average gas price in cents on the day AFTER the Super Bowl?  The favourite is that Wilson’s passing total will be higher.

 

 

 

10.  Who will the Super Bowl MVP mention first in his interview?  The favourite is “teammates,” with 3-to-2 odds . . . followed by God, the fans or the city, the owner, the coach, and family.  There’s also 5-to-2 odds that he mentions NONE of these.

 

 

11.  What color Gatorade will be dumped on the coach who wins?  The favuorite is orange, with 3-to-2 odds.  Followed by yellow, clear or water, blue, red, and green.

 

 

(Hit up Bovada.lv and Sportsbook.ag for all the bets.  The lines may shift over time.  If you’d rather not gamble FOR REAL, you can print out this fun betting sheet to do with people at your Super Bowl party.)

 

OTHER NFL Randoms:  Tom Brady Has the Sniffles, Nikki Sixx Will Perform Naked If the Patriots Win, Several Predictions, and More

 

TOM BRADY

1.  New England quarterback TOM BRADY is suffering from a case of the SNIFFLES.  He says, quote, “I’ve had it for four to five days, my kids got sick, and my wife’s pretty sick right now.  I brought it, unfortunately, to Phoenix, but I’ll be fine.”

 

 

Apparently he’s using some “old remedies” like EATING PLENTY OF GARLIC.  (You can find a video report on that, here.)

 

 

 

2.  A couple of days after the usually reliable “Madden” video game simulator predicted a 28-24 New England victory over Seattle in Sunday’s Super Bowl, two more simulations have been released . . . and the results are split.

 

 

“The Predictalator” at PredictionMachine.com ran 50,000 simulations, and found that the Seahawks would beat the Patriots 57.5% of the time, most likely winning by a score of 24-to-20.  The Predictalator correctly picked Seattle last year.

 

 

Meanwhile, Microsoft’s Cortana, the “personal assistant” found on their Windows phones, is calling the game for the Patriots, by a narrow 24-to-23 victory.  Cortana nailed the World Cup last summer.  (Random Note:  Microsoft’s headquarters are in Redmond, Washington, which is only a 30-minute drive from Seattle.)

 

 

So that’s “Madden” and Cortana calling it for the Patriots . . . and another series of 50,000 simulations calling it for the Seahawks.

 

 

3.  NIKKI SIXX from MOTLEY CRUE is SO sure that his Seattle Seahawks are going to repeat . . . that he’s willing to bet his CLOTHES on it.

 

 

He Tweeted, quote, “No way on Earth the Patriots can beat the Seahawks.  If they do, I’ll play a song naked onstage, and you don’t wanna see that.”

 

 

He later added, quote, “I’m gonna just keep tweeting about the Seahawks until every Pats fan un-follows me.”

 

 

4.  The Super Bowl spot for the upcoming sequel “Hot Tub Time Machine 2″ was inspired by the so-called “DeflateGate” scandal.  (You can check it out, here.)

 

 

 

5.  And check out this Seattle Seahawks fan who painted his whole house in Seahawks colors.  Something tells me his wife . . . and / or neighbors . . . say they’re OK with this more than they actually are.  (Here’s a photo.  And another.)

 

Stupid Photo of the Day :  A Domino’s Ad Featured a Tongue Being Tortured in a Dominatrix Dungeon?

 

 

I wish brands were willing to take risks and make ads THIS edgy for real.  An ad agency in Israel created a print ad for Domino’s that they ended up rejecting . . . but probably should’ve gone with.

 

It was for Domino’s Sriracha pizza, and showed a tongue with a BALL GAG and bondage gear chained up in a dominatrix dungeon next to a whip.  And the slogan was, quote, “You’re going to suffer and enjoy every moment.”

 

 

But Domino’s didn’t end up going with the ad, and now they’re trying to distance themselves from it.  (Jezebel)

 

Remember—”Don’t let anyone steal your joy.”

 

Tom Brady Is The Devil And I’ll Prove It…

TOM BRADY

 

Check out the formula:

8 letters in “Tom Brady”.

He’s won 3 Super Bowls.

His Jersey number is 12.

He’s playing in SB 49.

He was pick #199 in NFL draft.

He won the ’98 Rose Bowl.

He played with 11 deflated balls in AFC Championship.

He started drinking at the age of 21.

 

8x3x12= 288

288+49+199+98+11+21=666

 

Tom Brady is the DEVIL.

 

Marshawn’s Media Day:

 

MARSHAWN LYNCH

 

During the Super Bowl’s “Media Day,” Seattle running back MARSHAWN LYNCH continued his stand-off with the press by answering about 30 questions over the course of five minutes with variations of the phrase:  “I’m just here so I won’t get fined.” He did stop the press questions briefly to blow a kiss to a fan and tell her she was, quote, “sexy too.” The fines are what started this nonsense.  Last season, Marshawn was hit was a $50,000 penalty for skipping out on postgame interviews, which the NFL required.   That was later bumped up to $100,000, because of another media violation.

 

 

 

(Look, I’m sure Marshawn is a decent guy, and maybe he’s being misunderstood in some way . . . although he could always clear that up by actually, you know, SAYING something.)

 

 

(He may have a good reason for doing what he’s doing.  Maybe the media has twisted his words or misquoted him . . . or maybe he just finds the whole process cheesy, repetitive, pointless, and / or overly P.C.)

 

 

(But he makes over $7 million a year . . . to PLAY FOOTBALL.  And being available to the press at certain times is part of the deal.  You have to take care of the fans, because they make it possible for you to earn $7 million.)

 

 

(EVERYONE has aspects of their job that they don’t love.  Is it really worth it for Marshawn to continue this nonsense . . . to the point where some people think he’s coming off as a prima donna and an ungrateful jerk?  LYNCH does lots of charity work so why wouldn’t he use yesterday’s platform to push his projects..I’ve seen  hundreds of athletes like this guy…It’s pretty simple the media just  needs to ban together and not bother with him…soon he’ll be tripping over himself to talk to you…Go grab your crotch, and eat your skittles in front of YOUR EMPTY podium…I’ll be over here interviewing Rob Gronkowski who by the way had some fun with media day.

 

“The Gronk” read a line from “A Gronking To Remember”, the Gronk-themed erotica that surfaced on Amazon earlier this month.  (Here’s video.)

 

 

(Here’s some more video of Gronk.  It starts getting fun at the 2:45 mark.  He says a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with milk is his “go-to meal” before a game.  And he sings a few lines from a couple Katy Perry songs.)

 

 

 

Christopher Reeve’s Mantastic Son is Joining SportsCenter 

 

MATT REEVE

MATT REEVE, the  22-year-old son of CHRISTOPHER REEVE, has been hired to do special reports for ESPN’s “SportsCenter”.  He says, quote, “My parents definitely define who I am.

“My dad and I had a huge bond and shared a love of sports.  I would hope they would be proud and say, ‘Great job,’ no matter what.  Then my dad would probably tell me to straighten my tie!”

 

(Man I have to say I’m cheering for this dude. He’s faced big time adversity. First it was his father’s accident and eventual death . . . then his mother’s death from lung cancer at the age of 44 . . . and the suicide of Robin Williams, who was a close family friend.

 

THE CYBER SPOTLIGHT

 

 

An Archer Is So Good, He Can Shoot an Incoming Arrow . . . and Split It in Two

 

 

A guy from Denmark named Lars Andersen has a YouTube page that’s been getting a ton of hits recently.  He’s an archer who focuses on shooting multiple arrows as quickly as possible, WHILE running.  And he’s CRAZY good at it.

 

 

His newest trick-shot video has racked up more than 20 million views this week, and it’s insane.

 

 

He shoots the edge of a knife, and splits an arrow in two . . . catches an arrow out of the AIR . . . and shoots three arrows back-to-back in under a SECOND.  But his best trick is when another guy shoots an arrow AT him . . . and he splits it in half.

 

 

(Search for “Lars Andersen:  A New Level of Archery.”  He shoots the knife at 2:50, catches an arrow at 3:05, shoots three arrows in under a second at 5:06, and splits an incoming arrow at 5:36.)

 

 

 

 

 

A Reporter Was Out in the Snow, and Almost Got Hit by a Skidding Car

 

 

A reporter in New York named Stacey Bell was covering the snowstorm Monday night, when a car behind her started sliding around and almost ran her OVER.  And she had no idea, because her back was turned.

 

 

It kind of looks like the driver was trying to make the car drift on PURPOSE.  Luckily everyone’s okay.  (Search for “Skidding Car Nearly Crashes Into NBC Reporter.”  The full video is at the bottom of the page.)

 

HUMP DAY HILARITY….

 

 

 

A 44-year-old guy in England was busted a few years ago for having sex with a SHETLAND PONY.  Witnesses saw him take the pony into the woods, and cops found him, quote, “sweating profusely and smelling strongly of horses.”  A test also found the horse’s DNA on him . . . but he claims he was just out for a walk.

 

 

A storm that was predicted to give New York City 12 to 18 inches of snow ended up giving most of the city only four to six inches.  Which proves the storm was male.

 

A 52-year-old guy in Tampa found his cat dead in the street earlier this month, after being hit by a car.  So he buried him.  But five days later, the cat showed up at his HOUSE.  So either it was a ZOMBIE CAT . . . or it was initially unconscious, dug his way out of the grave, and wandered home.

 

 

WIN THIS WEDNESDAY!

 

Brady Hurt By Cheating Accusations

–In an interview yesterday, Patriots quarterback TOM BRADY admitted that he was a little sad when everyone accused him of cheating.  He said, quote, “I personalized a lot of things, and thought this was all about me, and my feelings got hurt.  And then I moved past it, because it’s not serving me.”  .  It got so bad he spent several nights crying in the bosom of his supermodel wife.

  

 

 

 

–In a new poll, 47% of Americans say they think the New England Patriots are “cheaters.”  And 39% do NOT believe coach Bill Belichick and quarterback Tom Brady when they claim they knew nothing about the doctored footballs.

 

 

That said, a majority (57%) says the “scandal” is not a big deal, and “only” 25% think Brady should be suspended for the Super Bowl.  (Well, that DEFINITELY won’t be happening.)

 

 

(In order for the NFL to mess with the Super Bowl at this point, someone would’ve needed to MURDER someone.  Which, actually, is also something that the Patriots have been known to do.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

–Every year, EA Sports runs a simulated “Super Bowl” using the latest “Madden” video game.  It’s been right EIGHT of the last 11 years.  And this year’s simulation says the Patriots will beat the Seahawks 28-to-24.

 

 

TOM BRADY will win his third Super Bowl MVP award.

 

 

Among other things, the game predicts that Rob Gronkowski will make an awesome, one-handed touchdown catch in the first quarter.

 

 

It’s unclear if Gronk’s grip will be aided by more deflated footballs, or if the Patriots are playing this one clean.  (Here are highlights from the simulated game, and here’s a video.)

 

 

—- A former radio host in Phoenix was supposed to be on the field for the Super Bowl this Sunday, but lost his pass last week . . . after he posted a PHOTO of it on Facebook.  On the back of each pass, it says you can’t post photos online.  Because if people know what they look like, they can make fakes.

 

 

 

—Chicago Bears quarterback Jay Cutler Tweeted that he needed his wife back home because the kids were driving him crazy.  Man, is there no situation this guy won’t bail on?

 

 

 

ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER will be inducted into the “celebrity wing” of the WWE Hall of Fame.  I thought Arnie was still wrestling did you see Lesnar the other night? He looks like Schwarzenegger.

 

 

Sexy Pictures of Famous People 

 

 

 

Check out the husband-and-wife hotness of JOHN LEGEND and CHRISSY TEIGEN’s new “GQ” photo shoot.

 

 

 

I guess one picture of TAYLOR SWIFT in a bikini is all we get.  Here she is, back in her one-piece(WARNING!!!  Toward the bottom of the page, you’ll see a partial NIP-SLIP from ALANA HAIM, from the group HAIM.  She’s the one in the white bikini top and blue bottoms.)

 

 

 

Sexy Video:  Why didn’t this go viral immediately?  During the Miss California USA pageant on January 11th, Miss Beverly Hills CHANELLE RIGGAN lost her bikini top.

 

 

 

Here’s one from the “celebrities are just like us” file:  ROBERT DOWNEY JR. with his arms full of grocery bags and the receipt in his mouth.  And on a related note, here’s CHARLIZE THERON flipping off the paparazzi during a grocery run.

 

 

 

SALMA HAYEK looks all sexy and partially clothed in pictures from a recent movie nobody saw called “Everly”.  Even though she’s kinda beat up in some of them.  (WARNING!!!  There’s a good deal of BUTTCRACK in one of them.)

 

 

 

Victoria’s Secret made a Super Bowl commercial this year.  And here it is.

 

 

 

ROCK NEWS…

 

 

Tom Petty reached a deal to receive songwriting royalties for Sam Smith’s “Stay With Me” because the chorus is similar to his “I Won’t Back Down”.  Smith said it’s a small price to pay for “Petty theft.”

 

 

Peter Frampton and Cheap Trick are co-headlining a summer tour:

 

. . . It starts on June 6th in California, and ends when somebody breaks a hip.

 

 

 

JAMES CAAN has filed for divorce from his wife of 19 years.  This is the THIRD time he’s filed for divorce from her.  The first two times they reconciled..They both sound stable..

 

 

TUESDAY TIDBITS…

 

While people in the Northeast U-S  were bracing for the blizzard yesterday, Craigslist was FLOODED with ads . . . by people looking for someone to hook UP with while they’re stuck indoors.  Some of the posts had headlines like “Seeking hairy man for snow play” and “Snow day cougar looking for hot cub.”

 

 

 

–12% of people think having an affair would strengthen their relationship with their partner.  These people are called Ashley Madison members.

 

 

 

–KFC introduced an experimental product in the Philippines called the Double Down Dog . . . it’s a hot dog infused with cheese, that uses a piece of fried CHICKEN for the bun.  Sadly, KFC says they have no plans to bring it to North America.

 

 

 

–Parents today are on a never-ending quest to find a UNIQUE baby name . . . even getting to the point where they’re finding ways to spell Kevin with a “q.”  Quevin . . . Queevin . . . Kequin . . . you get the point. So maybe this service has a chance . . . even if it’s WAY too expensive. A company in Switzerland will find you a baby name that’s 100% unique . . . not a SINGLE person in the world has the name.  But their service will cost you $35,000.

 

The company’s called Erfolgswelle . . . which doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue. If you want a baby name that’s only unique in North America . . . but someone might have in another part of the world . . . it’s $20,000.

 

They say it takes about 100 hours and a staff of 12 people to come up with a list of 15 to 25 completely unique potential names for your child.

 

 

 

–  A 29-year-old guy in Pennsylvania was applying to become a state trooper earlier this month, and accidentally revealed that he slept with an UNDERAGE GIRL four years ago.  So now he’s facing four counts of unlawful sexual conduct with a minor . . . and he didn’t get the job.

 

 

 

–This is gross:  “Cheese” is not one of the 27 ingredients listed on a can of Cheez Whiz.  This is grosser:  “Whiz” IS.

 

 

–Scientists say an ingredient in dog food makes people live longer.  But since you have to eat dog food, those extra years will be lonely ones.

 

 

–A sex-themed park for tourists will open in Taiwan.  Visitors will spend all night waiting to enter the park and then get in and out of it in less than ten minutes.

 

GONE VIRAL

 

1.  Check Out the “Stuck on a Lamp Post Prank”

 

 

A video called Stuck on a Lamp Post Prank is getting a bunch of hits on YouTube, because it shows how if you wrap someone’s legs around a lamppost and have them sit down cross-legged, it’s nearly IMPOSSIBLE to get back up without help.

 

 

It’s actually a restraint technique they used in World War Two.  And unless you have massive upper body strength, you can’t lift yourself up high enough to unlock your legs.

 

 

Here’s something we should probably mention though:  If you try it on YOUR friend, just don’t leave them there . . . because they’ll DIE if you do.

 

 

After about 10 minutes, you start cramping up and pass out.  Then when you fall backward, it puts all the pressure on your ribcage, and you stop breathing.

 

 

 

2. A Guy Opens a Beer Bottle with His Butt

 

 

We’re not sure where this happened, but a video of a guy in jeans, opening a beer with his BUTT is blowing up on YouTube.  It’s not clear if the bottle’s a twist-off.  But he just sticks it between his cheeks, and pops the cap right off.

 

 

(Search for “Guy Opens Beer Bottle with His Butt Cheeks.”  Note:  Turn your speakers down, because the cameraman goes NUTS when he does it.)

 

 

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: By doing a little bit each day, you can get a lot accomplished.

 

The Beginning of a Super Week!

arizona superbowl

 

 

–This weekend BILL BELICHICK spent a lot of time conducting science experiments and simulations to determine how the footballs lost air pressure on their own, and blames it on climate, game day conditions, and how the balls have been handled leading up to the game.  He said he’s “handled dozens of balls” over the past week . . . and that vigorous ball-rubbing could stimulate the football.  He went on to say  “I’m not a scientist.  I’m not an expert in footballs . . . or in football measurements.  I’m just telling you what I know.  I wouldn’t say that I’m Mona Lisa Vito of the football world, as she was in the car expertise area, alright?” And yeah, that’s a totally random reference to “My Cousin Vinny” . . . where MARISA TOMEI plays Vinny’s fiancée Mona Lisa Vito, an expert on car repairs.

 

 

bill nye

 

–BILL NYE THE SCIENCE GUY is not buying BILL BELICHICK’S scientific theories.  He says, quote, “[It] didn’t make any sense.  I don’t think you can change the pressure [by rubbing the football].  To really change the pressure you need the inflation needle.”  It’s worth noting that Nye is a Seahawks fan.

 

 

 

 

–Seattle Seahawks cornerback RICHARD SHERMAN says he knows that New England isn’t going to be punished for deflating footballs . . . because the team’s owner Robert Kraft is buddies with NFL commissioner Roger Goodell.

 

 

When asked if he thought the league would do anything, Sherman said, quote, “Probably not.  Not as long as Robert Kraft and Roger Goodell are taking pictures at their respective homes.

 

 

“I think he was just at Kraft’s house last week for the AFC Championship . . . you talk about conflict of interest.”

 

 

That doesn’t seem like the smartest thing to say publicly about your BOSS, but Sherman isn’t really known for biting his tongue.  (Here’s video.  And here’s the photo of Goodell at Kraft’s house last week from the Patriots Twitter feed.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

–Last week, the NFL hit Seattle Seahawks running back MARSHAWN LYNCH with a $22,000 fine for once again grabbing his crotch.  (Even though it’s possible he was just handling himself a little to check his own PSI.)

 

 

The NFL is also threatening to penalize the Seahawks 15 yards during the Super Bowl if he does it again.  So, that’s why it’s strange that the NFL was caught selling a photo of Marshawn grabbing his junk for $150.  For real.

 

 

The NFL Shop was selling a collage of photos from the NFC Championship game, and it included Lynch’s crotch grab.  It was probably somebody’s mistake to include it though, because now the image has been removed from the shop.

 

 

 

 

–According to a new study, about 1-in-4 Americans (26%) say that God DOES play a role in determining which team wins a sporting event . . . and 53% of people believe that God rewards athletes who have faith with good health and success.

 

 

 

—A 47-year-old guy in South Carolina got stopped by the cops last week, and when they searched him, they found marijuana and a New England Patriots drug pipe.  No, the NFL doesn’t license drug paraphernalia . . . the guy was arrested.

 

 

OTHER BALLSY’S SPORTS SHORTS…

 

–Mike Tyson says he admires Mussolini.  Though to be fair, I’m pretty sure Mike Tyson thinks “Mussolini” is a type of pasta

 

 

Here’s One of the Craziest Hockey Goals You’ll Ever See

 

 

Russia’s version of the National Hockey League had their all-star game this weekend.  And during the skills competition, a player named Nikita Gusev had one of the craziest shootout goals you’ll ever see.

 

 

He put his stick through his legs, did a full 360, and THEN shot it, all in one motion.  (Search for “Nikita Gusev Scores Wicked Shootout Goal.”  It happens at :23, but you have to see it in slow-motion at :40.)

 

 

A VICTORY FOR  LAZY PEOPLE 

 

This guy is a hero for everyone who wants to just lie there during sex, but doesn’t know the right way to ask.

 

 

There’s a guy from Australia named Shaun, and he just posted a doctor’s note on Reddit.com.  Apparently he blew out his back, and needed the note to get out of physical labour at his roofing job.

 

 

But while the doctor was writing the note, Shaun had him throw in a provision about SEX.

 

 

The note says, quote, “He will be unfit to continue his usual occupation or sexual services.  Shaun can only take part in sexual activity flat on his back with minimal effort on his part.”

 

 

That part about “sexual services” sounds weirdly formal . . . we’re not sure what’s up with that.  Maybe his doctor just has a good sense of humor?

 

 

Anyway, the note covers January 22nd through April 23rd . . . three months.  There’s no word on what his significant other thinks of it.  (Reddit

 

 

 

GONE VIRAL

 

 

A Woman Said the Wrong Answer on “Wheel of Fortune” . . . Then the Next Player Guessed the Same Thing Two More Times

 

 

On Friday’s “Wheel of Fortune”, two letters were still hidden in the puzzle, “The Painted Desert”, when a woman named Lindsey guessed “The POINTED Desert”, which was obviously wrong.

 

 

But then the next player was even worse, because he guessed the same thing AGAIN . . . TWICE.  It was during a speed round, where you can guess multiple times.

 

 

First he guessed “The Pointed Desert”, which was still wrong.  Then PAT SAJAK said he had time for another guess . . . and he guessed the same thing AGAIN.  It seemed like he probably forgot how the speed round works, and just got confused.  (Search for “Wheel of Fortune – The Pointed Desert.”)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Guy Does 100 Impressions in Under Four Minutes

 

 

A guy named Brian Hull posted a video on YouTube where he does a hundred different impressions in 3 minutes and 42 seconds . . . or about one every TWO SECONDS.  And most of them are pretty solid.

 

 

(Search for “The 100 Voice Impressions Marathon.”  He starts at :30.)

 

 

RANDOM THOUGHTS FROM THE WEEKEND…

 

–I was in Weyburn on Sunday to watch the Bantam AA Blues win their 5th game in a row. I talked to several local people close to the Red Wings and they all said there’s no chance the club will fold.

 

–I like the Ricky Foley trade. Shea Emery should bolster the middle of that Riders defence and the team should be able to replace Foley with an import rush end. Hey wasn’t Emery the guy who punched Labatte in the junk in a game at Mosaic Stadium? That should make for an interesting first team meeting! Even though Foley is headed back home to the Toronto area he is disappointed to be leaving Rider Nation. I’d like to take a second to say good luck Ricky  and thanks for doing your part to bring a memorable championship to Saskatchewan. Foley is a class act and a reporter’s dream.

 

–Thanks to the Pats and Access 7 for asking me to be  involved with the broadcast  last Friday. After a pair of weekend losses the club has dropped five straight. But I do see bright things for this team in the future with the likes of Jesse Gabrielle and Sam Steele. Of course all of the talk after the game was about the new score clock.  Understandably, the 6484 fans in attendance were gazing at the new spectacle all night long. Personally I enjoyed the Pats Karaoke, and Kiss Cam features during the intermissions. Your next chance to see the team and the nicest clock in Canada is February 3rd.

 

–The NHL ALL STAR WEEKEND is a complete waste of time. The worst part was the breakaway challenge on Saturday. What a boring joke! The NFL PRO BOWL was worse. It’s glorified flag football. Every league should look at abolishing ALL STAR games. I’m sure most of the players would rather have the time off.

 

One driving note:

–I will never understand why a motorist would risk many lives by passing one vehicle on a single lane highway. Trust me getting to your destination 2 minutes early isn’t worth it!

 

WIN THE DAY!

A Night To Remember In Regina!

pats clock

The Regina Pats (26-16-2-2) take on the Moose Jaw Warriors (19-24-3-1) in the fourth edition of the 2014-15 Trans-Canada Clash tonight at the Brandt Centre (7 p.m.).  The Pats hold a 3-0-0-0 record against the Warriors this season after defeating Moose Jaw by a 6-4 count January 2nd.  Tonight’s game is a sellout as over 62 hundred fans will  be there to witness the debut of the 23 thousand pound,  3 million dollar score clock. If you don’t have a ticket don’t worry because you can watch the game on Access 7. I’d like to thank the Regina Pats for asking me to be part of the broadcast. I’m looking forward to some exciting junior hockey!

 

 

FRIDAY FOOTBALL FUN…

 

New England Patriots quarterback TOM BRADY is denying any involvement in the so-called “DeflateGate” . . . where the team has been accused of intentionally deflating footballs so they were easier to grip and catch in the rain.

 

 

Basically, Brady insisted that while he DID inspect the balls beforehand, he didn’t alter them in any way.  He added that when he selected the balls to be sent to the refs for approval, they were “perfect” . . . to him, at least.

 

 

He went on and on, and frankly, it seemed like his ball talk was PARTICULARLY sexual .

 

 

I actually started the day believing he was guilty, but good lord, those dreamy eyes!

 

So let’s review:

 

Belichick shirked the responsibility to Brady . . . and Brady threw the equipment manager under the bus.  Because you’d think that SOMEONE deflated those balls, and we’re running out of people to blame who had access to them.

 

 

“Deflate-Gate” Randoms 

 

 

1.  This is amusing:  When BILL BELICHICK was addressing the controversy, the billboard behind him featured the hashtag #FLEXBALL.  It didn’t have anything to do with the deflated footballs . . . it was an ad for a Gillette razor.

 

 

 

2.  Here’s a mildly interesting remix of Brady’s quotes from the press conference.

 

 

 

3.  And here’s video of former NFL quarterback MARK BRUNELL on ESPN yesterday, nearly breaking down in tears as he basically accuses Brady of lying.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Seahawks must have a bad case of jock itch or a couple of their players are closet Michael Jackson fans.. Seattle Seahawks running back MARSHAWN LYNCH was fined $20,000 for grabbing his crotch after scoring a touchdown last weekend.  Also, wide receiver CHRIS MATTHEWS was fined $11,000 for grabbing HIS crotch.  Matthew is a former Ti-Cat and Blue Bomber. He probably picked up that behaviour in Winnipeg..Haha

 

(Speaking of Sherman, he shot a commercial with a TALKING LLAMA that trash-talks Brady and Belichick.  It doesn’t mention the deflated balls scandal though.  Here’s some footage from it.)

 

 

 

 

There’s a 46-year-old guy in Florida who has the New England Patriots’ helmet TATTOOED on his head . . . it’s detailed, massive, and straight up crazy.  Well . . . he just no-showed a court appearance for a drug charge, and now there’s a warrant out for his arrest.  We’re thinking he’ll turn up sometime after the Super Bowl.

 

 

Watch Will Ferrell Hit a Cheerleader in the Head With a Basketball 

 

 

WILL FERRELL hit a cheerleader in the head with a basketball, POINT BLANK, during Wednesday night’s game between the Lakers and the Pelicans in New Orleans.  But it was for his new movie “Daddy’s Home”.

 

 

Will plays a man who’s trying to be a great stepdad to the children of his new wife . . . but has to contend with her ex-husband, who suddenly re-enters their lives.  LINDA CARDELLINI plays the wife, and MARK WAHLBERG plays the ex.

 

 

(Here’s video. The woman he hits is supposed to be a Pelicans cheerleader, but she’s obviously a stuntwoman . . . because she falls like a CHAMP.)

 

 

 SPORTS SHORTS VIDEOS…..

 

1.  The New “Bad Lip Reading” NFL Video Is Out

 

 

The guys who do the “Bad Lip Reading” videos just posted their new one using NFL footage.  They took clips from the season, and dubbed in new audio that LOOKS like it fits, even though it’s ridiculous.

 

 

The original NFL video they posted in 2013 is still the most popular one they’ve ever done, with over 58 million hits.  And last year’s follow-up has over 28 million views.

 

 

(Search for “NFL 2015 – A Bad Lip Reading.”)

 

 

 

2.  A Ball Boy at the Australian Open Got Nailed in the Junk by a 122-Mile-Per-Hour Serve

 

 

A ball boy at the Australian Open had to leave in the middle of a match on Wednesday . . . after a 122-mile-per-hour serve hit him where NO MAN wants to be hit.  The ball bounced once . . . then got him square in the junk.

 

 

(Search for “Ball Kid Hit in the Australian Open 2015.”  If you care, the match was between Feliciano Lopez of Spain and Adrian Mannarino of France, who lost by default when he had to quit in the fourth set due to heat exhaustion.)

 

That’s all for now folks….

WIN THE DAY! 

Brady’s Balls…Give It A Rest Already!

Deflate-Gate

  TOM BRADY

 

There doesn’t seem to be much chance of this happening, but Las Vegas is now placing odds on the possibility that New England Patriots coach BILL BELICHICK will be suspended for the Super Bowl over “Deflate-Gate”.

 

 

They’re LONG odds . . . 15 to 2 . . .which reflects just how unlikely it is.  But the odds that Bill will be suspended for at least one game at some point are a lot closer to even:  3 to 2.

 

 

Most people are expecting the NFL to do SOMETHING, given that the Patriots are REPEAT CHEATERS.

 

 

Meanwhile, there are now reports that the Baltimore Ravens think their KICKING balls were under-inflated during their playoff game against the Patriots the previous weekend.

 

 

But the Pats wouldn’t have had their hands on those balls . . . (This is just the story that keeps on giving, isn’t it?) . . . so they couldn’t have messed with them.

 

 

And Ravens coach JIM HARBAUGH doesn’t think they were tampered with.  He says, quote, “I chalk it up to being cold.”  (On a related note, a coffee shop in Boston is selling underinflated football cookies.)

 

By the way, it wouldn’t be Belichick who let the air out of the balls, it would be a ball boy instructed by Tom Brady to let the air out of the balls..All anyone wants to talk about is Tom Brady’s balls.  I don’t know what the debate is.  They’re sitting in a jar on Eli Manning’s desk, where they’ve been since 2012!!!

 

 

 

THE LAKERS ARE STILL WINNING!

 

LAKERS

According to “Forbes”, the most valuable NBA teams are:  The L.A. Lakers ($2.6 billion), the New York Knicks ($2.5 billion), and the Chicago Bulls ($2 billion).  The LEAST valuable teams are:  The Milwaukee Bucks ($600 million), and the Minnesota Timberwolves ($625 million).

 

The Raptors are the 14th most valuable team at 920 million dollars…

 

 

Big Softie

 

WWE superstar TRIPLE H is one of the top villains in pro wrestling.  But during “Monday Night Raw” this week, he broke character to console a young fan who started CRYING.

 

 

Triple H was at ringside to watch three of his fellow villains deliver a beat-down to the WWE’s top good guy, JOHN CENA.  It appears that either Triple H said something to the kid or just gave him a look . . . and the kid started crying.

 

 

So Triple H actually went up to him and gave him a HUG.  After the match . . . which Cena won . . . the ring announcer gave the boy some Cena merchandise.  He was also reportedly invited backstage.  (None of this happened on camera, but you can see it in a series of photos here.)

 

 

SPORTS BIRTHDAY….

Former Baltimore Ravens running back Ray Rice turns 28 today.  And out of habit, tomorrow NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell will deny he saw the tape of Rice beating the piñata.

 

BACK IN THE DAY

 

 

86 years ago . . . In 1929, the NEW YORK YANKEES announced they would put numbers on the backs of their uniforms, becoming the first baseball team to do so.  The first numbers were based on positions in the batting order . . . BABE RUTH was #3 and LOU GEHRIG was #4.

 

 

26 years ago . . . In 1989, JOE MONTANA led the San Francisco 49ers to a last-minute victory over the Cincinnati Bengals at SUPER BOWL 23.  49ers receiver JERRY RICE was the game’s MVP . . . setting a Super Bowl record of 215 receiving yards on 11 catches.

 

JERRY RICE

 

 

Ram Rumblings….

 

– U of R receiver Addison Richards, who is a lock to be picked in this year’s  CFL college draft, turned some heads at the East-West Shrine game. I’m told the Arizona Cardinals have the 6’5 target on their radar.

 

–Veteran receiver/QB Zach Oleynick has been let go by the team.

 

–Head Coach Mike Gibson has yet to name his coaching staff.. Despite the club’s defensive struggles the last few years, my sources tell me that Defensive Coordinator Paul Dawson will be retained.

 

–Did I miss the press release from the University of Regina thanking long time Offensive Coordinator  Bernie Schmidt for his years of service? THAT IS A REAL HEAD SCRATCHER ISN’T IT? 

 

 

 

 

GONE VIRAL

 

 

1.  A Woman Misses Her Ferry by Five Minutes, and Has a Complete Meltdown

 

 

A woman in Canada who missed a ferry to Vancouver on New Year’s Eve is all over Facebook right now . . . because she missed the boat by five minutes, and had a complete MELTDOWN.

 

 

Apparently she was angry because the ferry hadn’t left yet.  But she missed the cutoff time to board, so they wouldn’t let her on.  (Search for “Ferry Freak Out.”  She starts flipping out at :15.  Warning:  There are F-bombs at :24 and :28.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

2.  A Little Kid Explains How Awesome His First Kiss Was

 

 

A video of a little kid talking about his FIRST KISS is making the rounds online.  His name is Griffin, and he looks about six or seven.  And he has trouble explaining just how AWESOME it was.  He says it was, quote, “mind-blowing”.

 

 

(Search for “Griffin Describes His Very First Kiss.”)

 

 

 

3.  A New Type of Metal Is So Water-Resistant, Drops of Water Literally Bounce Right Off It

 

 

Researchers at the University of Rochester in New York have come up with a new type of metal that’s so water-resistant, drops of water literally BOUNCE right off of it.  And they posted a pretty cool video that shows how it works.

 

 

They’re hoping to use it for electronics some day, or on airplane wings to prevent them from getting covered in ice.

 

 

(Search for “Staying Dry in a World Covered with Water.”)

 

HOLLYWOLF REPORT…

 

RIHANNA is reportedly bringing LEONARDO DICAPRIO home to Barbados to meet her family because things are getting serious.  A source says, quote, “She’s always thought he was cute.  She loves his look, his sweet smile and his little nose . . . The one thing that makes her weak every time she looks at him are his eyes.  That alone makes her knees tremble.”

 

 

ROCK NEWS

 

 

SCOTT WEILAND is launching another “super-group” . . . and again, he’s doing it with someone from GUNS N’ ROSES.  The new band is called ART OF ANARCHY, and it includes Guns guitarist Ron “Bumblefoot” Thal, former Disturbed bassist John Moyer, and twin brothers Jon and Vince Votta.  Their debut album will be out sometime this spring.

 

 

When HOLE bailed on a tour with MARILYN MANSON back in 1999, it seemed like Manson and COURTNEY LOVE had a major falling out.  But now, Marilyn says things were just “weird” between them, because Courtney had sex with all of his friends, but NOT him.  Yesterday, Courtney responded by Tweeting, quote, “All this time I thought you were gay.  Of course I’ll [eff] you. I’m free Friday from 1:15 to 1:18.  That gives us plenty time for a smoke too.”

 

There’s one sex tape I hope doesn’t see the light of day.

 

 

 

 

A RONNIE JAMES DIO MUSICAL will open in Australia in March.  (Full Story)

 

 

 

 

George Lucas says Disney didn’t use any of his ideas for the new “Star Wars” movie:

 

. . . So at least we know Luke won’t survive a nuclear blast by hiding in an old refrigerator.

 

Sexy Pictures of Famous People 

 

 

1.  Sexy Video:  The new Carl’s Jr. Super Bowl ad features a model named CHARLOTTE MCKINNEY . . . who may or may not be all-natural . . . pimping their new all-natural burger.

 

 

 

2.  MIRANDA KERR lingerie photo shoots don’t get old.  Ever.

 

 

 

3.  (NC-17)  HILARY SWANK bares her butt in a spread for Germany’s edition of “Interview” magazine.

 

 

 

4.  Here’s ALEXA RAY JOEL . . . daughter of BILLY JOEL and CHRISTIE BRINKLEY . . . showing off her bikini body.

 

 

 

5.  If you look this good with your shirt off at the age of 62, THEN you can make fun of DAVID HASSELHOFF.

 

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:   Do good, feel good.

Belicheat….

BELICHEAT

 

There might actually be something to this “Deflate-gate” controversy. ESPN says 11 of the 12 balls given to the Patriots for Sunday’s game were under-inflated by TWO pounds-per-square-inch less than is required by NFL regulations.

 

Of course, the Patriots have “cheated” before.  In 2007, coach Bill Belichick was fined $500,000 and the team was stripped a first round pick, after he had an assistant SPY on the New York Jets’ defensive signals.  .

 

It’s unclear how the league might penalize the Patriots, if at all

 

 

Aaron Rodgers and His Balls…..

 

Green Bay Packers quarterback AARON RODGERS says he doesn’t get it, because he prefers his balls full, tight and plump.  He says, quote, “The majority of the time, they take air out of the football.  I think that, for me, is a disadvantage.”

 

 

He did note that for quarterbacks that DON’T have big hands or a “strong grip pressure,” there IS an advantage to having a flatter football.  So, he thinks there should be a MINIMUM air pressure requirement, but not a maximum.

 

 

According to a new survey, two-thirds of sports fans have at least one piece of memorabilia displayed in their home . . . 69% have at least one game day “tradition” . . . and the average male sports fan spends $768 a year on tickets, jerseys, and memorabilia. 

 

TONY VERNA

Tony Verna, the man who invented ‘instant replay’ for live sports, has died at the age of 81. Instant replay has been a staple of TV sports for the past 5 decades but it was used for the first time on December 7, 1963 when Verna came up with the technology for the annual Army-Navy football game in Philadelphia PA. The concept was so new that when Army scored a touchdown, announcer Lindsey Nelson had to warn viewers: “This is not live! Ladies & gentlemen, Army did not score again!”

 

I’M OFFICALLY OLD….

 

The Great One is a grandpa…PAULINA GRETZKY gave birth to a baby boy. The father is pro golfer Dustin Johnson so there is absolutely no pressure on the kid to be a good athlete..

 

As for the name — all we know is it starts with a T, in keeping with a Gretzky tradition for guys. Wayne’s son’s are named Tristan, Trevor, and Ty.

 

WATERCOOLER WEDNESDAY….

 

Male coin spiders bite off their own genitalia after sex . . . because it makes them a better fighter who’ll do a better job protecting the female spider they mated with and their future baby spiders

 

 

“Forty” is the only number where the letters spelling it out are in alphabetical order.  “One” is the only number where the letters spelling it out are in reverse alphabetical order.

 

 

 

Ransom payments are tax deductable . . . you just have to show something like a police report as proof of your loss.

 

 

 

A Guy Pranked His Girlfriend by Turning Their House Into a Giant Ball Pit

 

 

A YouTube prankster named ROMAN ATWOOD just posted a new video where he pranks his girlfriend while she’s out of town . . . by turning their house into a giant BALL PIT, like the ones they have at Chuck E Cheese.

 

 

It’s not clear how many plastic balls he used, but it was THOUSANDS.  In the end, their kids loved it . . . and the girlfriend seemed more IMPRESSED than anything.  (Search for “Roman Atwood – Crazy Plastic Ball Prank.”  She comes home at 2:21.)

 

 

 

A Guy Puts His Pants on Without Using His Hands . . . While Holding a Baby

 

 

A video of a guy putting his pants on without using his hands while holding a BABY is picking up a ton of hits on YouTube.  Luckily he didn’t fall and crush the kid.  (Search for “Dad Puts on Pants While Holding Baby.”)

 

 

 

Firefighters Try to Put Out a Car Fire, and Find Out the Parking Brake Isn’t On

 

 

A car caught fire at the top of a hill in a neighborhood in Norway recently.  And firefighters started blasting it with water . . . before realizing the parking brake was off.

 

 

So it started rolling down the hill while it was still on fire . . . and crashed into a guardrail.  Luckily it didn’t hit the house right next to it.  (Search for “Firefighters Extinguishing a Car Fire Goes Wrong.”  It starts rolling at 1:40.)

 

 WIN THE DAY!

 

 

 

THE PRICE TO LOOK YOUNG….NO THANKS!

So . . . how far would YOU go for perfect skin?  Because this should pretty much test ANYONE’S limits.

 

 

Martha Christy is an author and beauty expert in England.  And she says the key to perfect skin is . . . rubbing your own PEE on your face.

 

 

Martha says people have been doing that forever . . . even in ancient Egypt, China, and India.  Your pee is anti-bacterial, anti-fungal, filled with vitamins and minerals, and great for treating acne, eczema, psoriasis, and fungal infections.

 

 

You don’t have to apply it directly to your face . . . so some women have started mixing their pee in with their moisturizer.  That way you get all the benefits and MIGHT feel slightly less grossed out?

 

 

But why stop THERE?  If you’re good with using pee for skin treatment, would you consider DRINKING it too?  Martha says that can significantly improve your overall health.

 

 

 

WAKE UP!

YAWN

 

Here’s something to make your mornings easier . . . or harder.  We’re not really sure.

 

 

According to an article in “Entrepreneur” magazine, a 90-second trick in the shower can help wake you up in the morning.  The downside is, it sounds like torture.

 

 

The idea behind it is that a hot shower DOESN’T actually do a great job of waking you up.  In fact, researchers have found it can do the opposite.  After a hot shower, there’s a sudden decrease in body temperature, which can make you tired.

 

 

So instead, here’s what you should do . . .

 

 

At the end of your shower, turn off the hot water . . . and make it as COLD as possible for 30 seconds.  Then crank the hot water back up for another 30 seconds . . . and finish with 30 MORE seconds of cold water.

 

 

It sounds terrible because it IS.  But apparently it’s much better at waking you up than hot water alone.

 

I tried this today, and it works but it’s a heart attack waiting to happen!

 

 

BALLSY’S SPORTS SHORTS….

 

 

TIGER WOODS made a surprise appearance in Italy yesterday, where he watched his girlfriend LINDSEY VONN win her record 63rd World Cup skiing title.  He also lost one of his front teeth, when someone with a video camera accidently hit him in the face while rushing to get to the winners’ podium. (Here’s a photo of Tiger with his missing tooth . . . here’s a shot of him wearing the skeleton scarf.  And here’s an ESPN video report on the tooth.  As GolfChannel.com points out, this was Tiger’s “dead” tooth, which had recently been yellowing.  So, maybe Tiger doesn’t mind losing it after all.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

After beating the Indianapolis Colts on Sunday, New England Patriots defensive lineman VINCE WILFORK pulled over on his way home to help a stranded motorist.  The 38-year-old woman was trapped inside a wrecked vehicle, which had rolled onto its side.  Vince helped the police pull her to safety.

WILFORK

 

 

 

 

Football and the NFL have been extremely good to Hall of Famer MIKE DITKA.  But if he had an eight-year-old son now, he wouldn’t want him to play football.  In an upcoming HBO “Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel”  Mike says, quote, “That’s sad . . . [but] I wouldn’t.  My whole life was football.  I think the risk is worse than the reward, I really do.” The episode airs TONIGHT . . . and also includes former Bears defensive end Richard Dent and quarterback Jim McMahon talking about their health conditions.  Dent describes himself as “damaged goods” . . . and McMahon suffers from early onset dementia.

 

 

 

 

The Seattle Seahawks have apologized for a Tweet on the team’s account yesterday that seemed to compare the Seahawks struggle to that of the civil rights movement.

 

 

It was a photo of quarterback Russell Wilson crying after the game, with the caption, quote, “We shall overcome.  #MLKDay.”  The photo also included this Martin Luther King Jr. quote:  “Take the first step in FAITH.  You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.”

 

 

The team later deleted it, and Tweeted, quote, “We apologize for poor judgment shown in a Tweet sent earlier.  We did NOT intend to compare football to the civil rights legacy of Dr. King.”

 

 

 

2.  After JERMAINE KEARSE caught the overtime touchdown pass that put the Seahawks in the Super Bowl, he launched it into the crowd.  And the guy who caught it is going to give it back to him.  But not for free.

 

 

He’s getting Kearse’s game helmet signed by the team, Kearse’s jersey . . . and possibly Super Bowl tickets.

 

 

 

3.  Someone posted footage of a HILARIOUS brawl happening in a parking lot after Seattle beat Green Bay.  Not surprisingly, everyone looked drunk.  It’s unclear what instigated the fight . . . but it involved a lot of people falling down

 

 

TUESDAY TIDBITS…..

 

A five-year-old kid in England skipped a friend’s birthday party at a ski resort a few weeks ago . . . so the mom throwing the birthday sent him an INVOICE for the $24 she had to pay to cover him when he no-showed.  She even threatened legal action if the money wasn’t paid.

 

 

 

A 29-year-old woman in England just shared the story of how she FAKED her own DEATH to end things with a guy she’d met through online dating . . . who wouldn’t leave her alone after three dates.  She texted him, pretending to be her sister, and said she had died.  That DID get the guy to go away . . . although he sent her a nasty message when he saw her online dating again a few months later.

 

 

 

Apparently, some women in New York have started DUMPSTER DIVING behind fancy beauty shops . . . looking for expensive cosmetics and products they’ve thrown out.  You dig for stuff people returned . . . or the testers from the store that were thrown out before they were empty.

 

 

 

 

A 68-year-old guy in Germany called the police last week to report two foxes were having, quote, “abnormally long sex” in his yard.  The cops told him to call animal services . . . they assured him it was fine and fox sex just takes a while.

 

 

 

 

A 35-year-old guy was driving his daughter to high school in Cedar Rapids, Iowan on Friday when the cops tried to pull him over . . . and for whatever reason, he did NOT want that.  So he got into a chase with them . . . that DID take one brief pause when the guy stopped at his daughter’s school to drop her off.  The cops eventually caught him, and he’s facing several charges, including child endangerment.

 

 

 

 

About a year ago, someone at a pizza place in Philadelphia paid an extra dollar to buy a slice of pizza for a homeless person.  And since then more than 8,400 people have done it.  Recently, one homeless guy left a note thanking people who have donated . . . and said he just got a JOB.

 

 

 

New Hampshire is selling a new lottery ticket that smells like BACON when you scratch it.

 

 

Target closed its stores in Canada:

 

. . . Experts believe Target failed with Canadians because it’s not syrup or hockey..

 

 

A study found that the more trees there are on your street, the less likely you are to take anti-depressants:

 

. . . Especially if they’re marijuana trees.

 

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:  What you do every day matters more than what you do once-in-a-while.

 

 

Ryan’s Revenge

With the Seattle Seahawks down 16-0 in the third quarter, the pride of Regina Jon Ryan ignited a comeback for the ages. Ryan faked a field goal and threw a 19 yard TD pass to 360 pound back up lineman Garry Gilliam Jr.  Seattle QB Russell Wilson started off poorly but finished strong. The Seahawks quarterback threw a 35-yard touchdown pass to Jermaine Kearse in overtime to seal a 28-22 comeback win over the Green Bay Packers. Willson was intercepted four time before the Seahawks rallied to advance to a second straight Super Bowl appearance. They’ll defend their title against New England two weeks from now in Arizona. Jon is smiling like a butcher’s’ dog this morning. Not only is he going to his 2nd straight Super Bowl but he beat the team that cut him!  The former U of R Ram and Sheldon Williams Spartan was active on twitter last night:

jon ryan

 

Jon Ryan        @JonRyan9

Apparently I make a really terrible face when I throw footballs. Much better when I do interviews.

gilliam

Jon RyanVerified account@JonRyan9 4h4 hours ago

Fun fact me and have the same birthday. Coincidence?

AFC CHAMPIONSHIP…

Tom Brady is back in familiar territory. The Patriots Q-B threw for three touchdowns to thump Indianapolis 45-7 and advance to the Super Bowl for the sixth time in his career. LeGarrette Blount (blunt) ran in three more T-Ds for New England, which won the A-F-C championship for the eighth time.

CHECK OUT THIS STORY…At some point during the AFC CHAMPIONSHIP, the referees apparently wondered if the football(s) were deflated. Bob Kravitz of WTHR reports on his Twitter feed.

Breaking: A league source tells me the NFL is investigating the possibility the Patriots deflated footballs Sunday night. More to come. I’m told at one point the officials took a ball out of play and weighed it. Should hear more tomorrow on this subject. Didn’t have a chance to talk to colts officials about this. They were long gone when I heard this. Nobody is suggesting this is why the colts lost obviously. They were manhandled. Told if a league investigation confirms deflated footballs it will result in lost draft picks. Stay tuned.

Deflated footballs are apparently easier to throw and catch. This could be a big story.

NOW SOME OTHER INTERESTING FOOTBALL FACTS…

1.  For all the talk about Seahawks fans being “The 12th Man” that helped propel the team over the top . . . some of them QUIT yesterday’s game early, and left the game when the Packers seemed to have the game under control.

 

 

Then, as they were walking away, they heard the crowd FREAKING OUT.  The stadium has a “no re-entry” policy, so they were stuck standing outside, wishing they wouldn’t have left.  (Here are some sad photos of those fans.)

 

 

 

2.  It was all celebration inside the stadium after the Seahawks completed their comeback in overtime.  One fan ran onto the field . . . dropped his pants . . . and chugged a (likely alcoholic) drink.

 

 

And defensive lineman Michael Bennett rode a police bike around the field.  Naturally, that led to a fair amount of Internet memes.

 

 

 

 

3.  Seattle running back MARSHAWN LYNCH was going to wear a pair of expensive, custom GOLD CLEATS during the game . . . but the NFL reportedly threatened to eject him from the game if he did.

 

 

He may also be in hot water for grabbing his crotch after scoring a touchdown.

 

 

 

4.  In the closing minutes of the Patriots’ rout of the Colts, CBS noted that this is quarterback TOM BRADY’S 20th playoff win.  Which is more than 21 current NFL franchises have in the HISTORY OF THEIR EXISTENCE.

 

 

There are 32 teams in the NFL.  So that’s about two-thirds of them.

 

 

 

5.  Patriots coach BILL BELICHICK was showing off his usual style before yesterday’s game.

 

 

 

6.  A 21-year-old male Patriots fanatic has Tom Brady’s name tattooed INSIDE HIS BOTTOM LIP.  (???)  Even crazier, he got the tattoo while in Indonesia.

 

One other football note from this weekend…U of R Rams receiver Addison Richards had 2 catches for 19 yards as he played this weekend in the East-West Shrine game in Florida. Richards is expected to be a first round pick in this spring’s CFL draft. 

wick

 

I spent Saturday night in Shaunavon as we raised money for the Badgers hockey team. I was accompanied by former Riders Mike McCullough and Matt Dominguez and tough guy Georges Laraque. It was Georges first time in our province and he was shocked when I told him we needed to travel 3 and a half hours. Once we got there it was wonderful night. I love going to these towns and meeting great people. Thanks to Ken, Ray, Vince, Linda, Janice, Blaine and Cory for inviting me to sit with them at dinner. If you’re ever in that town make sure you check out Crescent Point Wickenheiser Centre, what a nice place!

(By the way, the 38 year old Laraque has agreed to come out of retirement in March to play two  games in Norway. He’ll be paid 30 thousand Euros for his efforts.)

 

WIN THE DAY! BALLSY